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Old 07-13-2018, 05:21 PM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Jul 2018
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My mum doesnít care about me (no one does)

Ok. So basically Iím only still living with my mum because I am a student On a course which requires 50% full time work. I have two years left and the money I receive monthly does not cover a flat plus petrol and food etc. My mum is alcohol dependent yet apparently her doctor says she isnít. I donít even believe a word she says anymore though but Iím sure if someone feels the need to be drunk all weekend without a break (drinking in the morning as well) and drinking every night of the week (she only stops when I fall out with her but goes back as normal after a while). Iím just at a loss. I have no one. My dad died a few years back and he was bad with alcohol also, would have to pick his head off the computer desk etc cause he would just pass out frequently. I also donít have any siblings and because my mum is high functioning everyone just thinks sheís amazing. She thinks sheís amazing too, or at least tries to make folk think that, then goes to all self pity when I challenge her.
Her behaviour has even become abusive. For instance, she knew I was home and walking back and forward to the toilet etc which means I have to walk past the living room, yet still decided to do stuff with her boyfriend in the middle of the living room floor then came through to tell me her boyfriend was here AFTER I walked in on her.
I keep trying to distance myself from her and I know Iím old enough to move out but I genuinely canít afford it. In two years time once I qualify I will but Iím absolutely broken by they way sheís behaved and how I have no one. The rest of my family just think Iím spoilt when Iím angry with her, despite my auntie having backed me up at one point.
I literally resent her. If sheís not alcohol dependent like her doctor says, then that makes it worse because she simply just doesnít care about me at all then.
She also insists on me depending on her financially and around the house. I made a point of doing my own washing, dishes, clothes etc, and said I would pay £200 a month into her account just for bills as the mortgage has already been paid off. Ultimately she refuses, takes me washing and does them anyway. Then throws it all in my face when we have an argument which results in me becoming furious and just uncontrollably crying etc. Then when I bring up that I want to be independent she gives me all the ďitís just a mother wanting to help her daughterĒ and then I feel guilty.
Since a teenager Iíve lived with mental health issues - severe depression with traits of bpd. I now know where Iíve gotten it from as my mum appears to be narcissistic in her nature, always has, yet hides it from others (unless sheís drunk then it comes out). I never had emotional closeness which Iíve come to realise recently. Psychologists have always asked me what happened to me in my childhood and now itís all becoming clear that neither my mum or dad were emotionally available when I grew up.
Iím in so much pain with all this itís unreal. I suppose Iím only posting this to hopefully get a response which might help me feel less alone.
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Old 07-13-2018, 05:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family. You've got a lot on your plate. I'm sorry for what brings you here but am glad you joined us.

We also have a 'friends and family of alcoholics' forum you might find useful.
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley
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Old 07-13-2018, 06:14 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome sadness

I'm sorry about the situation with your mum.

Believe it or not we care cos we know what you're going through

You'll find a wealth of support here, and in our Family and Friends forums too.

Have you considered moving in with other students? I remember that as being pretty cheap back in my day?

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Old 07-13-2018, 06:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Sadness - I'm glad you came here to talk about what's going on.

I'm sorry for the pain your parents have caused you. I'm sure at times I did the same to my son while I was drinking. I loved him so much, but was oblivious to my erratic & reckless behavior. Until I got sober, I just didn't realize the damage I'd caused - & how confrontational I could be.

We care about you, sadness. I hope you'll keep posting.
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 07-13-2018, 10:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Sadness, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. When I read stories like yours, it brings home what a selfish disease alcoholism is. My dad was an active alcoholic and a very angry, unpredictable and difficult man all my time growing up but I was lucky to have a loving mum and sisters.

But I do know the feeling of HAVING to get out of the house and just hanging on, counting down to when you can do it.

All I can say is hang on. My determination to get out of the house meant I had an absolutely blinding focus and ambition to make it through university, get a job and build my own life so I would NEVER have to go back to that kind of hell and NEVER be dependent on anyone.

In the meantime, look after yourself as best you can. Detach from your mum as much as possible. I also urge you to get whatever help you can get, through the Family and Friends forum we have here, Al-Anon and a counsellor if you have access to one.

You absolutely can make it through the last two years. You can. Focus on the future you're building for yourself.
Sobriety date: Dec. 14, 2015
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Old 07-14-2018, 12:51 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hey, Sadness. I'm very sorry about the situation with your mum. My father was a alcoholic and added lots of sadness, pain and confusion to my life. I resented him greatly until he got sober and we reconciled at the end of his life. I have severe depression and my parents weren't always there for me when I needed them--they were caught up in their own drama. My mom didn't drink but she was very co-dependent and always tried to keep dad from the consequences of his behavior. I believe your family will one day understand, for if your mom continues to drink she will face consequences for her actions--it's a progressive disease and will get worse as she continues down the alcoholic path.
I wish you all the best. There is a friends and family forum here that I think would be very helpful.
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alcoholic , depression , lonely , mum , narcissism

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