Fearlessat50

My 11year old is going through some things at camp and feeling bullied and alone. It is so hard to see him sad. I was bullied growing up. His experience now brings all of this back. I just want to fix everything for him. But I know I can’t. My husband (his dad) and I had a long talk with him last night. I know we said all the right things. He cried and over and over said he loved us. I know he will be fine. But I still couldn’t sleep last night, worrying and overthinking everything and feeling lost. In the past, I looked to alcohol for immediate relief from all kinds of intense feelings. Lack of sleep was also a trigger. Alcohol somehow took the edge off a sleepless night, and ironically it helped me to function better for a while. I am just reminding myself today that I cant control everything and I just have to do my best. Drinking never makes anything better. It just makes everything worse.

Linners820

Hi, Fearless. I can understand how some things bring other feelings back. For me, a recent death in the family has somehow unearthed a lot of feelings I thought I'd long buried, and I relate to wanting to use alcohol as relief from those feelings, or any kind of intense feelings, really.

I think you are right to remind yourself that all we can do is our best, and there are some things we just can't control. This has been and is a tough lesson for me as I am, by total admission, a massive control freak.

But...you spoke with your son. He knows he is loved, and you have confidence that you said what you needed to. Experiencing bullying and/or watching a loved one be on the receiving end is excruciating, I know. Have faith that for now, it's out of your hands, and if/when you do need to step in further, you'll be sober and better able to handle it.

Atlast9999

When our kids are cut, we sure are the ones who bleed. It’s so hard to not be able to solve their problems. But you were able to be fully available for your son, sober, and give him the support he needed. That’s huge!!

Anna

I'm sorry for your son being bullied. I wish that schools, camps and kids programs would have a zero tolerance policy towards bullying. I'm glad you talked to your son and I hope he feels a bit better today.

lessgravity

I have an 11 year old boy myself. Nothing tears up a parent's heart like their kid going through emotional pain.

But in the end life is full of rough experiences and sadness and loss. We can't protect our kids from that. Instead we can be examples of resilliance and strength and confidence and comfort.

But we can only do those important things for our kids, by being sober. I'd say that's more important than anything else. I'm sure you know this, don't mean to berate you. That's the gift you can give your kid. Rather than a life of soft edges.

Fearlessat50

So much wisdom here! Thank you everyone. Having a year behind me, you’d think I’d be stronger than this by now. But I guess the urges can hit any time especially when life gets hard again. In addition to my son’s issues, my husband is also having work issues, and i am experiencing general work stress from overload. Everything seemed to just hit me at once. I’m glad I came back here. I cannot let myself get complacent. I need to keep coming here for support.

lessgravity

Suffering is not an add-on to life - it's an integral part of it, for all of us. From stubbing toes to the pain of real loss.

But drinking, being drunk, is not. In fact, drinking and being drunk are impediments to a life well-lived.

Great work coming back and checking in.

Stay strong.

Dejvice

I am sure you are doing your best, hold strong. Really sorry to read about your son's bad experience at camp.

Hevyn

It's heartbreaking, Fearless. I'd be feeling the exact same way.
I learned the hard way that what you said is true - nothing is made better by drinking. At best, we get a temporary numbness - then reality hits.
Let us know how things go - we care.

Dee74

I'm sorry fearless - I'm glad your son has you on his side tho

D