Worried
 

Hello all,
Long story short,
I have had my own struggle and managed to totally stop all hard liquors. I even went to meetings and he knows that. I now only have wine or light beer.
My husband however has not stopped drinking hard liquor even though I asked him not to bring it into our home. I’ve been suspicious because obviously, I can smell it (rum and whiskey are very distinct)
About two weeks ago I found 4 empty bottles.
Today I found 6; rum whiskey bourbon and vodka. All empty and hidden in the laundry hamper.
I emptied the very last bit from each into the sink and put them with the trash, I’m not going to beat around the bush that I found those.
I don’t know if I’m overreacting.
What are your thoughts?

That's not surprising for an active alcoholic to hide bottles and think no one will notice. If you are asking if its an overreaction to tell him that you found them, it's definitely not. But I don't know that it will have much effect on him moving forward if he's not ready to stop. That is a decision he will have to make for himself.

It’s rough because it makes it difficult for me. I’m actively dumping out liquor that came into the house by means of someone else.
He told me today of a friend that just got out of the hospital (drinking), and then he took off to see a movie (I didn’t go because I have to get up early).
And of course it got me thinking and all I had to do was look in the hamper...
I guess I’m worried that if I address my concerns he will fall to pieces crying.
I also don’t know if I’m overreacting in terms of the amount. He frequently says that he’s a big man and he can handle a lot more than I. But that’s 6 bottles (not counting random beers!) in no more than 2 weeks

I’m also worried that it will cause me to fail

The fact that he's trying to hide it says a lot. :( I would be worried too if I were in your shoes. :hug:

We have a friends and family of alcoholics forum you might find insightful. :)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

I don’t know what to do and his drinking is starting to scare me a little. Both my reaction to these nearly empty bottles, and his behavior. :(

You mention you're still drinking wine and beer, so you haven't even started.
Booze needs to be completely gone in every form before your sobriety can start.

how are you today Worriedwifey88 ?


i got my real correct and honest sobriety date on the 1st day i was completely alcohol and drug free

:tyou

I think that talking to your husband about your concerns is a good idea. I would also add that wine and beer are alcohol, just as rye and whiskey are. I hope that you can find some peace in your situation.

I told him we needed to talk and he literally replied ‘I know ‘
I pointed out all the bottles and the fact that it means he’s likely been having a minimum of 4 drinks a day.
We agreed that no more liquor is allowed in the house period, regardless of type.
I have my doubts...

This is just what I was going to contribute - you might want to look into other threads (there are tons) about moderation, changing [ ] about what/when/where/etc we drink, etc. I think I mentioned to you on another thread that this is not a moderation site- so most of us are likely to pick up on folks' comments about this approach.

My husband and I are both in recovery. Which means we have accepted that we cannot drink. We have to work on ourselves individually before we can work on our collective life in recovery.

IME, getting myself straight first is the only way I can have healthy relationships with anyone else.

If your husband was hiding empty bottles of alcohol then no, you did not overreact in any way.

Many of us hid the empties for years. I'm sure he will explain, get upset with you, act the victim, rationalize and then lie again. Unless he is willing to quit for good.

People without serious drinking problems do not hide empty bottles of alcohol. It's as simple as that.

I know how hard it will be for you. No real advice besides wishing you the best.

With my own past issues, I was hoping that he’d be willing to try for my sake.
I know he would like to claim it was just summer fun (those bottles) and that it’s nothing. Or say he can handle all that because he’s a guy.
I simply told him that we cannot have liquor in the house anymore, period and regardless of type.
I think his reasoning with hiding the bottles would be that he didn’t want me to get into them, but we weren’t supposed to have hard liquor in the house at all.
I will toot my own horn and say that yesterday I really badly wanted a drink and convinced myself to get a haircut instead :)

You have every right to and should confront him. I was still hiding empty cans up until 3 days ago when I had a major eye opener and decided I have to quit booze forever. I had a great place to stash empties until my wife uncovered them one night after I blacked out. I resorted to other hiding locations but would forget where I stashed them so I would have a frantic search in the morning. I started texting myself the locations at night so I would know where to look in the morning. See how ridiculous this sounds? I deserved confrontation. I hid the empties because I was ashamed and wanted to cover up the issue I know I have so I could
Continue to drink and ruin my life. You need to help provide accountability to your husband. If he loves you he will understand. It would probably be better if you abstained as well. It might take a few days of a clear head but he will understand.

I am definitely quitting. Just realizing how desperately I want a drink is plenty of evidence enough that I should not be drinking at all. I want a couple blue moons so much.
I did confront him. He likes to use the excuse of his being a man and having a higher tolerance than me as a rational that he’s fine. He was drinking while I was at work and then would try to time it so I wouldn’t catch on...
But I straight up pointed out to him that 6 bottles in 2 weeks is not ‘normal ‘ alcohol use.

I totally f’d my sobriety tonight so I have clue what I am talking about. I was doing so well toooooo. I HATE THIS ****!!!!! Make me normal!!!!

Go to some meetings,man.