My little one said his friends mum
 

Said I am an alcoholic, saw her in town and she ignored me, so said to my boy that's strange, and then he told me, and he said you always said tell the truth, can't tell you how bad I feel right now

IME, Mummy...us kids of alcoholics know- even when we don't know the term- that our parent(s) drinking isn't "normal." My mom being honest with us was something I craved, and it took her a long time - even into my recovery- to be as honest as she could. And I realized that, well, 99% of the people around me, even casually, knew I had a big problem.

It's one we can face and one we can turn our lives around from entirely.

I'm an alcoholic, too.

Today I am refusing to wallow in the problem, or sit about, wishing it wasn't true. Instead I am going to work on making my sober life as awesome as I can make it. I highly recommend it.

:ring

Don't feel bad - you're raising a truthful son.

Feel sorry for that woman who can;t see past the stigma to give you a friendly greeting.

You're doing you're best to turn things around - one day you'll be happily sober...that's something to really aim for and be proud of mummyto2 :)

D

Whenever someone has talked bad about me,it's not long until they're exposed for what they accused me of or worse. Projection is a mother F'er! I have a 'special' tattoo for people that like to run their mouth. :lmao Try not to let it bother you and live your best life.

Mum, I've gone through similar pain myself as a father.

But I have to say that you keep choosing to pick up again and drink, even with all the evidence that your family and your true self want you to stay sober.

Instead of dwelling in this pain and suffering USE IT as leverage to finally break free. We have one life and one family. I know you can and want this, it's so obvious in your posts.

It's there for you. You just have to do the work. It's a better life on this side of the bridge - come join us finally.

bandicoot posted this elsewhere, but I think you might like to read it mummyto2 :)

Truth is harsh, but facing it is necessary.

I also have found that worrying about what other people think of me is a way of thinking that keeps me drunk. My addiction loves that.

And a woman that would tell that to their child or your child or both? Nuff said. It'd be one thing if she said to you "I believe you have a problem with drink" but to say it to a child? Very irresponsible.

I still have times, plenty of them, where I have these memory bubbles. Memories of regrettable behavior flood in and I just have to see them, groan for a moment, then realize I don't ever have to be that way again. Yesterday while walking the dog I had a particularly groan worthy memory of me singing karoke at a 4th of july weekend while smashed among people who thought I didn't drink. That was interesting. Groan. Oh yeah, its over. And those people aren't in my life (imagine that?).

Hang in there. And remind yourself, you never have to be drunk again. That's a cool thought huh? And, if you're anything like me, you're stubborn. Show her who's boss? You? or the Alcohol?

Strange as it may sound but gather as much strength and power as you can from the feeling you have right now and continue on without alcohol.

It isn't from the Brave Girls Club. Mummy, this might be a good site to take a look at. ❤️

this could be the thing, should you choose it, that sets you free

I'm glad that your son told you the truth.

The judgemental woman is just a judgemental woman. You keep focusing on what you are trying to accomplish - your recovery. :)

Both my parents were alcoholics and very abusive. So many things us children were made to keep private.... secret. Secrets are so hard on kids. Because of my parents making us kids keep their dirty secrets I have made a big stand and am very honest with my children. When I quit drinking I told my kids. When there has been a family issue that wasn't great and embarrassing .... I told my kids and explained the details. Be honest with your son at his age appropriate level. He will respect you more and will be more supportive. Regarding the woman.... I have been guilty of not letting my kids, when they were younger, play with a child who's parents were drug addicts or alcoholics because of fear of an unsafe environment. It hurts when you know you are being talked about or snubbed but let your actions speak for how you are improving not only yourself but your families lives. You got this!

Mummyto2,
This type of thing is only going to get worse unless find a way to quit drinking. Your children are getting older, they will notice things themselves and their friends are going to hear things and it just grows. As other suggested, let this be that straw that breaks the back of your drinking. It is the only way this type of gossip stops.

You have the choice to embrace sobriety. To live sober and secure in yourself.

While I would never not nod my head and say hello in passing to someone, there are absolutely children mine are not to play with at their home. We find very polite ways to decline invitations and fortunately we are a busy family.

However, little ears sometimes hear things they shouldn't. It may not be that the mother told her child you were an alcoholic, it may be little ears overheard and the slight might not have been intentional in town. My husband and I both grew up with parents who were employed in jobs requiring community involvement, my ears heard a lot of things they shouldn't have. Add in being related to half the town... slim pickings when I started dating. I never put out on a first date - might be my cousin, best to get all clear after the date, before a relationship LOL.

Don't let it bother you, don't let it affect your sobriety. As parents we should never put adult matters on the shoulders of children, but sometimes it happens unintentionally.

We got lucky with my step son, he had no clue about my alcoholism. Until recently, when he asked if I don't drink and I said no and we had a long overdue talk. His comment, I knew you were a workaholic, didn't know an alcoholic too. I was like, why did think there was a couch in my office? My little ones are blissfully unaware, except Mommy is happier now and not so tired.

Dh and I are very careful to have conversations in our garage, alone. That is where we go to fight too. When it isn't a simple disagreement. We took that from our parents. We heard too much as children about matters that should not concern us and little ears have bigger mouths :)


Good luck to you, you have a chance to change everything.

Hugs to you.

Funny how so many of us think our drinking is one of the best kept secrets ever. Then, when we get sober we start to realise that just ain't so. Must be said though, I've found it much easier to keep my alcoholism private now I'm sober. Also, since my sobriety has become more established the shame of it has diminished.

Are you an alcoholic? If so, the most important thing to focus on is your recovery. You can take it as a judgement, or you can take it as a simple statement of fact. Whether they do or don't like it, well, that's their business. The only time they should be concerned is if they thought you were still drinking and it might affect their child (or yours). If it's just gossip, they'll soon find something more interesting to talk about no doubt as you stay sober. Just stay sober and keep doing the next right thing and things will get better.

BB