rayna87

The first was not a “trigger” so much as an opportunity. I work in a very small office, and both of the supervisors were out today on their last day of vacation. The other equivalent of me at my office went out to lunch, so I was by myself. (We all usually eat lunch together, so this was a pretty rare event). There were many times in the past, way more than I care to admit, that I would take such an opportunity for a little liquid lunch. Maybe see what the infamous ‘best friend’ had going on for her lunch break, but more likely, just go by myself. But only to a restaurant that had a bar, of course. Or if I didn’t feel like spending a ton of money on overpriced food for lunch, there was always a liquor store, or gas station, and my car in a secluded spot in the parking garage. And microwave food in the office afterwards. I once commented to someone on here that if you name drinking at work, I’ve done it, and then some. I used to consider it a fun advantage, but now I see the huge disadvantage that it is of working in an extremely small office. It’s way too easy to to do stupid things like that.

I thought about it. Of course. I thought about the couple of restaurants/bars in the vicinity, and the liquor store not even 5 miles away, full of wine and mini bottles and plenty of ways to do it without the other girl even noticing at work.. But, I didn’t. I reheated my leftovers for lunch, shut my office door, played some music, and ate my day-old Chinese food and played some games online in the solitude of my office. It was such a relaxing lunch break, and my eyes weren’t heavy by 3pm like they have been in the past.

The other thing is more of a trigger. I have to see someone tomorrow, someone very important yet very complicated to me. I will say it in a gist, even though I don’t want to, but I also think/hope that of ALL things I’ve said on here, this would actually come with the LEAST amount of judgment. It’s a client, who I had a bit of a thing with in the past. There are feelings, even though we both know it’s not meant to be, but we’ve always had this connection that turned into 4 nights together over the past year and a half, and a lot of mixed feelings. It is so, so, so very complicated and so wrong on many levels, but that isn’t my point here. I haven’t seen him on a personal level since February, or on a professional level since March. I’m fine tonight, there’s no point in being hungover when I see him tomorrow, that’ll just make it even harder to deal with but I’m worried how this is going to hit me emotionally tomorrow. I’m trying to make plans with my cousin to go walking tomorrow evening after work so I have a distraction to get my mind off it that isn’t a bottle of wine.

Dejvice

Don't let it hit you emotionally and deal with it, going back to alcohol will not solve it. Your decision making will be clouded and you will end up making wrong choices or decisions.

You wrote that it is so wrong on many levels. Consider if your boss figured out that something more was going on with the company's client then I wouldn't be surprised if you were fired. In the end all these things come out.

Stay strong and don't let it get to you. In fact, embrace this challenge and a few days later look back and be proud of yourself.

PalmerSage

Are you able to avoid the meeting with the client, since it sounds like you may be in early sobriety? I did my best to eliminate as much social stress as possible at the beginning.

Rar

Good advice here. As Dejvice points out, drinking will cloud your judgment and you could make wrong choices. You said there was another 'you' in the office. Can you give the client to the other person and avoid the situation? Good luck! Stay strong.

rayna87

Thank you. It was much easier than I expected, and even got some exercise with my cousin afterwards

rayna87

Unfortunately I wasn’t. He asked right off the bat if I was “staying”, to which my boss said she wanted me there too. I interact with him on a daily basis and am so familiar with his situation that it only made sense to stay in and help. That being said, I have blatantly disregarded my boss’ requests for me to sit in on meetings with him in the past, because I emotionally couldn’t do it, made up excuses to discreetly leave. And that was before I even had to worry about drinking the hurt of it away. So I view the fact that I did what she asked this time and sat in with them, AND got some exercise walking around the lake with my cousin afterwards rather than hitting up the bar, as a win

rayna87

Thank you! The other “me” in the office is in the same position as me, but in a completely different department, and wouldn’t have had the first clue about the complexities of this particular meeting to sit in for me. It was okay, though. It didn’t bother me nearly as much as i thought it would. I survived, and went walking with my cousin after work to unwind