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Old 07-19-2018, 03:28 AM
  # 61 (permalink)  
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Hi Gabe! How are you doing today?
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Old 07-19-2018, 03:37 AM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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Glad to know you're still with us, Gabe. How long until your visit is over?

Hope today is a better one for you!

O
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Old 07-19-2018, 07:35 AM
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Hey everyone. Thank you for your posts, it's been a rought couple of days.

I'm alright but it's taken a lot of meditation and working through stress. It's been lovely having my folks here but I always reach a point (whether they are here or I visit them) after 3 days where I start to feel ill. Emotionally ill is the only way I can put it. I think it's partly that empath thing where I just don't get enough time alone and they have these intense and fully charged energies that I just absorb.
I'm my famiiy's sounding board. I work in family support and I end up spending my time with everyone counselling them. My siblings are the same. They all have complex and quite unhealthy relationships with my parents that nobody handles well. There are a load of things going on with has made my dad's OCD worse and he is intensely negative a times. My mum can't cope with it all and feels voiceless and there is a heavy depression over her.
I really empathise with them all but we go over the same ground again and again and nothing changes. I suggest the same strategies, support etc again and again and still nothing changes......
I decided to stop doing it. I can't keep on in this role and when they leave or I leave them I'm just broken. I feel conflicted and guilty as I love them dearly but I know that being around them all the time is not healthy for me. I makes me feel like I'm buried under all these emotions and I'm losing control. Not good in the early days of sobriety.
BOUNDARIES.... I need to put them in place and stick to then. With love. Protect my own well-being. I cannot be the fixer of all things and part of what everyone is dealing with right now is a continuation of poor boundaries/attitudes in their own relationships. They have to address that themselves.

Thanks for letting me vent. They are away tomorrow and I just need time alone to put myself back together. Gabe xxxx
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Old 07-19-2018, 07:45 AM
  # 64 (permalink)  
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Oh gosh I so understand. That is just so exhausting.
And yes, boundaries are important. Hard to do for sure....it took me a long time to learn how to do that without feeling guilty.

I hope you have some lovely peaceful time for yourself this afternoon. ♥♥
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Old 07-19-2018, 05:27 PM
  # 65 (permalink)  
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Sounds like tomorrow will be a blessing & you can catch your breath Gabe.
I've never learned to handle such situations well. Glad you vented.
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Old 07-20-2018, 04:02 AM
  # 66 (permalink)  
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Love this - and as someone who just relapsed and is on a final Day 1...I needed it. Thanks, and we’ve got this.
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Old 07-20-2018, 04:12 AM
  # 67 (permalink)  
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Hi Gabe love.

And hello TringAgainJG

If you like, have a look at some of the support threads.... ♥♥♥

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-398-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 398)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-2018-a.html (Weekender Thread 19 - 23rdJuly 2018)
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Old 07-20-2018, 04:29 AM
  # 68 (permalink)  
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Well.....I survived! Phew. I am absolutely shattered, I could seriously go to bed for a couple of days. It's quite a quiet day at work today then I'm heading home, straight into pj's and I'm doing nothing but rest.

This week has made me really aware of some stuff I need to look at in my family relationships. I have a counsellor I haven't spoken to for a while, so I plan to make a couple of appointments with her. There are so many emotional triggers when I am around them that I feel completely flooded.

I did think....I'd like some red wine tonight....but that was quickly followed by...I've made my Big Plan and I don't drink anymore.....
I think things are coming together and I did manage this week quite well, though it really stretched my ability to cope.

Hi Tryingagin! Yup, multiple relapser here but this thread really helps to keep my motivation and connection to recovery. I tend to drift when I feel Ok and totally lose focus as to why drinking is so increadibly dangerous for me. It is a VERY GOOD THING to come here everyday and post. It will be great to see you around and we can do this my friend!

Thank you everyone for checking in and being part of this. It means alot to me.

Hi Venus! See you over on 24. love xx
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Old 07-20-2018, 04:36 AM
  # 69 (permalink)  
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Fantastic that you are going to talk to your counsellor love.

Red wine....I will tell you a story.
Years and years ago I met a young woman in AA who had a rash-like stain around her mouth and on her chin. She shared with us that she had literally drunk so much cheap red wine that she had stained her skin. It was not pretty and it was a horrible reminder of the insanity of this disease.

Sorry about that....but I like to keep that memory handy.
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Old 07-20-2018, 04:40 AM
  # 70 (permalink)  
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Quite right Suze. I started to notice broken veins on my nose and cheeks last year because of my red wine consumption. I think that feeling crap on the inside, and emotionally, is one thing but you can't run away as easily from the things you can see. Or the withdrawals. Nothing romantic or sophisticated about that.....

I'm quite happy with where I am but it's good to realise where the work is. I think I can figure this all out....I just need a little help!

I hope you are well my friend
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Old 07-21-2018, 01:42 PM
  # 71 (permalink)  
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I really, really wanted to drink tonight. I didn't. I ate loads of chocolate then fell asleep. I wasn't going to check in but I committed to everyday.

I'm just exhausted and emotionally stressed. I need strategies to be around my family. I just can't see them that much😞

Going to bed now. Need to work on this tomorrow. Gabe xx
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Old 07-21-2018, 01:56 PM
  # 72 (permalink)  
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Glad you got through it Gabe, you will be mightily glad come the morning.
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Old 07-21-2018, 02:37 PM
  # 73 (permalink)  
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Family can be tough, Gabe - but you're facing it and thinking about it, and you're still sober.

Give yourself time.

I went very low contact with my mother for many years in early sobriety in my thirties. I needed it. Everything worked out fine, I put up some healthy boundaries and eventually she worked a little on her side.

It's worth having those conversations. A bit at a time.
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Old 07-21-2018, 05:58 PM
  # 74 (permalink)  
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I'm glad you got through all that Gabe

D
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Old 07-22-2018, 06:21 AM
  # 75 (permalink)  
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Thanks for reading everyone.

I'm still here.....still sober but I'm struggling, so I've stayed in bed today.

I've had a couple of realisations today (that definitely wouldn't have happened if I'd drank last night), I think I put myself in this role because I'm still too afraid of being myself. It gives me a identity I feel safe with. I'm a big part of this problem. I have to accept that. It's hard feeling like this and staying sober. I really just want it to stop but I'm an adult and I'm choosing to experience this, as I've been hiding from it for too long.

Happy sober Sunday everyone
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Old 07-22-2018, 06:58 AM
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Gosh I relate to that....an identity I feel safe with.

But for me, I realised it was even more than that....it was about the fear....as you said....because if I was going to be sober then I had to find out who I was all over again. Like I was 16 again, but worse, because there was all of this guilt and shame that I should have known better.

But those are the emotions we (me for sure) drink on....let those flood and the next thing I know it is "poor me, pour me drink". (AA saying). Yep....it's not easy....still.....I am still a baby on this journey, so much to learn and change, so many miles to walk before I am where I want to be.

So we can be afraid, or we can be empowered. Look at how much we have been able to do collectively.....I love hearing more of bim's story. Mostly because your strength always shines through bim....always. And this gives me strength.

I ran a long way from my family....other side of the world....they were killing me. I needed to do that in order to find my way. I hope that my sister will meet me halfway, or any of the way and be my friend again one day, but that's her stuff, her journey. She is still very angry with me for leaving the way I did....I just went.

This post was supposed to go somewhere but I don't know where. Ha.

Love you Gabe. ♥♥
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Old 07-22-2018, 07:50 AM
  # 77 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
Family can be tough, Gabe - but you're facing it and thinking about it, and you're still sober.

Give yourself time.

I went very low contact with my mother for many years in early sobriety in my thirties. I needed it. Everything worked out fine, I put up some healthy boundaries and eventually she worked a little on her side.

It's worth having those conversations. A bit at a time.
Thanks Bim. I moved hundreds of miles from my family for space and I think it's really helped to understand the dynamics we have. I have long periods of not seeing them. We aren't good at having difficult conversations but maybe they don't have to be that difficult. I need to figure out what to do to keep myself well and be myself. I think everything will come from there......
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Old 07-22-2018, 07:57 AM
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Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
Gosh I relate to that....an identity I feel safe with.

But for me, I realised it was even more than that....it was about the fear....as you said....because if I was going to be sober then I had to find out who I was all over again. Like I was 16 again, but worse, because there was all of this guilt and shame that I should have known better.

But those are the emotions we (me for sure) drink on....let those flood and the next thing I know it is "poor me, pour me drink". (AA saying). Yep....it's not easy....still.....I am still a baby on this journey, so much to learn and change, so many miles to walk before I am where I want to be.

So we can be afraid, or we can be empowered. Look at how much we have been able to do collectively.....I love hearing more of bim's story. Mostly because your strength always shines through bim....always. And this gives me strength.

I ran a long way from my family....other side of the world....they were killing me. I needed to do that in order to find my way. I hope that my sister will meet me halfway, or any of the way and be my friend again one day, but that's her stuff, her journey. She is still very angry with me for leaving the way I did....I just went.

This post was supposed to go somewhere but I don't know where. Ha.

Love you Gabe. ♥♥
Thanks Suze, this helped a lot. I'm feeling a bit better. I can't get angry and blame everyone for something I've created (well at least partly) and I can't take responsibility for fixing or changing the relationships they have with each other....
It just really hit me today how much I still fear rejection from them all and that I still seek approval, to be helpful/needed/special. I still can't be authentic and that has made me feel really awful today but I think I know what to do with that. I just can't be around them all too much..

I'm glad I wrote myself that letter, I've been thinking about drinking again and reading my own pain sorted those thoughts out pretty quickly.

I hope things heal between you and your sister. As you said, we are all on our own journeys and maybe she can let the anger go. Love you too Suze and I'm glad I am part of this SR family we have
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Old 07-22-2018, 08:00 AM
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Yeah. I came into recovery because I was sick of my relationships being so difficult.

Some of the relationships had to go. Some of them I changed the frequency with which I was willing to engage. Some of them I had to learn to say, "No."

I read so many self-help books. They really helped. The Bible helped a lot too.

I finally just got tired of the fight - internally and externally. I put it down. I forgave. I stopped engaging with my mother, she was who she was and that wasn't up to me to change. There were many times I just walked away from her, or said, "Mom, I have to go," and hung up the phone. And then there were the times she still elicited tears from me. It just happens - family can really get under the skin.

They aren't always right.

I can walk away - and I can not reply. Not engaging was the most powerful, healing thing I did. Keeping my balance became the most important thing and I accomplished that by not talking and/or by not reacting.
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Old 07-22-2018, 08:00 AM
  # 80 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by DarklingSong View Post
Glad you got through it Gabe, you will be mightily glad come the morning.
Was VERY glad! I'll be over the moon tomorrow. Thank DS, hope you are having a good weekend xx
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