Moving forward after Relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1
Moving forward after Relapse
I'm back in early recovery (5 months) after having 8 years clean and have been struggling and could use some good suggestions.
I first relapsed back in August for 2 weeks and came back in the rooms. Then I relapsed in October again. Then I relapsed for the 3rd time in February and hit a huge bottom! I finally admitted I needed help again and went to a 90 day treatment that I completed this past May.
I have been marriage for 18 years with 3 kids (17,16,14) and I returned back home in May. Coming back home to the wreckage I caused for the last 2 months has been extremely painful. My wife filed for separation the day I left for treatment and is living in another house. I want to reconcile so much but things dont seems to be going anywhere but divorce these past 5 months. I wake up to the loss every morning and its killing me. I have made all the common mistakes (said things will be different this time, I have changed, calling more than I should, saying sorry too much). We do have conversations but they are just about how much damage I caused her and the kids and how selfish I have been our whole marriage. There is no trust and she doesn't really believe a word I say. Rightfully so!!
I love her so much and I would do anything to get her back. However after living with an alcoholic for 10 years before I first got sober and the 3 relapses may be too much for any wife to come back from. I have been around long enough to know I have to put this in Gods hands and pray for his will. This final relapse threatened our business, financial security, and our happy home.
My children are living with me at our family house for these past 2 months (out of convenance to be close to friends and school) and they will barely talk to me. My wife is living in our second home. The mood in our family home with the kids is very cold. I try to start conversations with them but it goes no where. They dont want to hear anything. I hurt their Mom and ruined our perfect family life.
I have been focusing on my recovery and making it top priority. Lots of meetings, on the phone all the time, prayer, meditation and staying as close as I can to my higher power.
I have lots of down time and trying to find new things I like to do. I am starting a new job and I believe that will help.
Any suggestions are welcomed.
I first relapsed back in August for 2 weeks and came back in the rooms. Then I relapsed in October again. Then I relapsed for the 3rd time in February and hit a huge bottom! I finally admitted I needed help again and went to a 90 day treatment that I completed this past May.
I have been marriage for 18 years with 3 kids (17,16,14) and I returned back home in May. Coming back home to the wreckage I caused for the last 2 months has been extremely painful. My wife filed for separation the day I left for treatment and is living in another house. I want to reconcile so much but things dont seems to be going anywhere but divorce these past 5 months. I wake up to the loss every morning and its killing me. I have made all the common mistakes (said things will be different this time, I have changed, calling more than I should, saying sorry too much). We do have conversations but they are just about how much damage I caused her and the kids and how selfish I have been our whole marriage. There is no trust and she doesn't really believe a word I say. Rightfully so!!
I love her so much and I would do anything to get her back. However after living with an alcoholic for 10 years before I first got sober and the 3 relapses may be too much for any wife to come back from. I have been around long enough to know I have to put this in Gods hands and pray for his will. This final relapse threatened our business, financial security, and our happy home.
My children are living with me at our family house for these past 2 months (out of convenance to be close to friends and school) and they will barely talk to me. My wife is living in our second home. The mood in our family home with the kids is very cold. I try to start conversations with them but it goes no where. They dont want to hear anything. I hurt their Mom and ruined our perfect family life.
I have been focusing on my recovery and making it top priority. Lots of meetings, on the phone all the time, prayer, meditation and staying as close as I can to my higher power.
I have lots of down time and trying to find new things I like to do. I am starting a new job and I believe that will help.
Any suggestions are welcomed.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
Welcome to the family. 
The only thing you can do is give it time. Keep doing the next right thing and have faith it will work out as it should.
You'll find lots of support here. Congrats on your sober time. Five months is no small feat.
The only thing you can do is give it time. Keep doing the next right thing and have faith it will work out as it should.You'll find lots of support here. Congrats on your sober time.
Five months is no small feat. Vietnam Vet
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Georgia
Posts: 421
BillyD proof is in the pudding so if you want to win back your family and wife show them through long term actions. No more drinking. The end. Once you make a commitment and keep it , your actions will speak louder than any words you have ever spoken.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
Hi Billy! It's so good to have you with us.
I agree with Least & BDTL. There is little we can say to explain what happened. I never had any luck trying to describe what I went through. My family, friends, co-workers were all mystified & baffled by my behavior. Consistently remaining sober will eventually lessen the painful memories of the past. Drinking turned me into a stranger - and no one understood. That's why being here to talk things over was such a huge relief to me.
We're glad you're here - let us know how it goes. Post any time and keep reading - it helps with the anxiety. Congrats on your 5 months sober.
I agree with Least & BDTL. There is little we can say to explain what happened. I never had any luck trying to describe what I went through. My family, friends, co-workers were all mystified & baffled by my behavior. Consistently remaining sober will eventually lessen the painful memories of the past. Drinking turned me into a stranger - and no one understood. That's why being here to talk things over was such a huge relief to me.
We're glad you're here - let us know how it goes. Post any time and keep reading - it helps with the anxiety. Congrats on your 5 months sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Welcome to SR Billy - You'll find a lot of support here
I don't know whether you'll get your family back or not, but I know there's no chance of that if you keep drinking.
Good to have you join us
D
I don't know whether you'll get your family back or not, but I know there's no chance of that if you keep drinking.
Good to have you join us
D
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