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I drank a LOT today!

Old 07-06-2018, 10:56 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by bringmeback7693 View Post
Rayna, I hope you don't feel criticized by these posts. It's not like that at all; we've all been there and have probably done worse. I've been hospitalized twice. I've been thrown in jail. I hooked up with a girl's boyfriend IN FRONT OF HER. I've gotten countless bruises and cuts, and said a million horrible things I didn't mean. Point is, we've all had our share of embarrassing nights.

I started rationalizing my drinking. After all, blacking out on my couch and falling asleep seemed like NOTHING compared to spending a night in jail. So by my low standards, everything was fine!

But alcohol is progressive. Bad nights will always come back to haunt you if you keep drinking. It's a total delusion that we can control our alcohol. Yeah, I can remember a FEW times where I successfully had one drink, but compared to all the crazy **** I did that shouldn't even be relevant.

Point is....alcoholism is a totally illogical disorder. You will take any excuse to convince yourself that your drinking is okay, or it's not that bad, or that you've somehow gained control of it.

You have the power anytime, any day to END that crazy cycle and get off that merry go round.

Thanks for posting, I really did need to hear this today as my own AV was acting up around the 4th!
I did, a little bit, but itís okay. Thank you for your kind words and hope youíre doing well
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Old 07-06-2018, 10:57 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Verdantia View Post
Hey Rayna. I am very glad you're back. Remember, alcoholism is a progressive disease. Whenever I went back to the drink after some sobriety things just got worse and the consequences became greater. Kindling is a real phenomena. The first time I quit at age 30 it wasn't horribly difficult, just somewhat uncomfortable; I went back to drink 15 years later and when I quit after five hellish years I had horrifying audiovisual hallucinations and a couple of seizures. I spent 2 weeks in hospital and 2 months in rehab. Even that wasn't enough to convince me of sobriety so when I drank after 3 years sober the first night I ended up smashing my car into a concrete barrier in a suicide attempt--I nearly succeeded. I will not tempt fate again, and I treasure my sobriety now like a rare gemstone. July will be my 31st month sober.
I hope you hop back on the sober train and not test it again--failing that test comes at too great a cost. Sending you love and light and lots of encouragement.
I am so glad youíre okay and thank you very much for the kind words
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Old 07-06-2018, 11:08 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by rayna87 View Post
I totally intended to drink. I knew it came with the territory of where I was going and what I was doing on a holiday. What I failed at was forgetting how much even a little bit of booze would affect me after so long. I’m still embaressed by what happened in the bathroom. 3 weeks of nothing will do that to you. But I didn’t drink last night, I went to dinner with friends tonight and had a perfectly normal water-only night. It’s situational. All is well.
Thanks Rayna for responding to my questions. I appreciate you doing that.

Do you intend to moderate from now on? Does that mean you don't feel the same way as you did when you first posted 3 weeks ago, desperate to stop drinking altogether?
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Old 07-07-2018, 02:57 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Glad you are keeping us posted Rayna....one word in a response you made did jump out at me - "it's situational. All's well"

So, this "situational" idea - if that's the case, what can you plan to do for unexpected situations? there are lots of tools many of use - walk into any party/friends place/whatever with a bottle of water in hand....have a friend who knows we aren't drinking around...have an exit strategy to implement the moment you start feeling squirrely...don't even go to "situations" that might be problematic....so on.

I know I had to implement tools a lot for awhile - I was very slow and careful about putting myself in ANY kind of drinking situation. No is always better than regret.

Hope you decide on an action plan v a passive one and stay with us- you can do this!
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