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Old 07-08-2018, 03:31 PM
  # 221 (permalink)  
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My friend just wrote back thanking me for my flexibility, explaining that her brother was coming home from the hospital, and she was the only one available to pick him up. She thanked me very much for my flexibility and said that the 25th would be great.

I guess she didn’t see the later email I sent her.

I had reacted without knowing all the facts, and I feel bad about that.

I wrote back”I’m sorry, but I can’t actually do the 25th. I’d be cramming you into an already full day, and not only do I think I’d be tired, but I wouldn’t be able to do our time justice.

“The only dates I have available between now and September are July 31 and August 6.

“I have my bucket list vacations with my daughters planned during August, when I’m still fairly confident that I’ll be in decent health.

I hope that was softer.

Truth be told, some extra dates did open up today at the end of July—but for now I’m just going to “schedule” them for myself.

For her I’m sticking to July 31 or Aug 6—if not those, then maybe September.

I truly do want to see her.

I feel guilty for not opening up the extra dates—I fear I still might be feeling the slightest bit passive-aggressive.

But I’m going to let things stand.

I’m tired tonight. A good night’s sleep will definitely help me get things more in proportion.
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Old 07-08-2018, 03:46 PM
  # 222 (permalink)  
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I have no doubt all manner of well meaning folks will be making demands of time and other things of you Gilmer, but this is your journey.

Its no less than I'd expect of you to think of others and trying to make their journey easier, but if you can't put yourself first now....?

I say do that - heck luxuriate - in putting yourself first now

D
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Old 07-08-2018, 03:55 PM
  # 223 (permalink)  
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what Dee said

I just finished watching GoT 7. Good stuff, BUT the author certainly has a sadistic streak...no long term happy momnets, especially for poor ol' John Snow.
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Old 07-08-2018, 03:59 PM
  # 224 (permalink)  
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Thank you, Dee.

Too bad, PJ! I like Jon Snow!

I just hope my man Tyrion doesn’t get killed off (please don’t tell me either way)! I’m still at the end of Season 5.
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Old 07-08-2018, 06:51 PM
  # 225 (permalink)  
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I went from series 2- to 6, and 7. From library. If I bought them- I would never leave home.
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Old 07-08-2018, 07:25 PM
  # 226 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Gilmer View Post
Thank you, Fini.

I am considering your email question about the necessity but difficulty of rising to the occasion with unselfishness, especially when people all around are having a tough time coping.
that question came from you mentioning to me it would be a season of unselfishness...which floored me. I hadn't thought of that.
clearly, you had. have. thought of it.
and sounded in email like it is an obvious necessity to you, but not only necessity but desire and intention.

hm...

if people all around were NOT having difficulty coping, there might be no necessity. is that part of it?

i very much appreciate your unselfishness in sharing so freely here. one day i will be where you are; we all will. you are showing ways.
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Old 07-08-2018, 07:28 PM
  # 227 (permalink)  
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I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you.
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Old 07-09-2018, 12:20 AM
  # 228 (permalink)  
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Jut popping in to say hello Kathy. Good for you for standing your ground with your schedule. This is no time to wear yourself out and it is a time to put you first. Wishing you a happy day.
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Old 07-09-2018, 02:29 AM
  # 229 (permalink)  
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Thank you, Mera.

I got an email back from my friend.

She is thrilled to be getting together with me, and she gratefully accepted July 31.

So all is good.

Time and time again I see it’s true: a good night’s sleep cures many ills!
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Old 07-09-2018, 03:07 AM
  # 230 (permalink)  
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Fini, people are so shellshocked just to find out I (and I presume anybody they know) have cancer—and then to say “terminal” floors them.

People tend to be really, really scared and freaked out by death.

I’m scared and freaked out by the act of dying; but the concept of death itself doesn’t bother me.

I don’t think it would bother me even if it ended in annihilation.

People who know me are sad. I feel bad that they’re sad. I want to cheer them up.

I don’t feel led to pontificate about how I’m going to a better place—quite a few people (even Christians) don’t give a rat’s ass right now about a “better place”—they are shaken and angry at losing their friend.

No deep discussion would be of use—just hanging out and having a good time.

I feel if I can suspend their brains a bit and help them forget about the death thing, it’ll break them in easier.

These are all just my theories.

So far I think I’ve got the best of both worlds: a bit of time for people to get used to the shock and accept it, yet Lord willing fast enough that nobody will have to watch me suffer long.

At least I hope that’s how it goes.

Nice that I’ve got the whole thing analyzed and planned out!

But my major strengths, both now and throughout my life, have been icebreaking, reassuring, and showing people a good time.

Now seems to be the time when those around me need it most.

Last week with that “pink cloud” of unusual supernatural grace, I was just radiating reassurance—but this weekend showed me that I can’t take that sort of magnanimity for granted.

I can’t give what I don’t have, so I won’t try to fake it—otherwise the frustration will build and build till I snap out!

But I feel that in the moments I do have it, I should give it as much as possible.

We all feel good when we use our gifts.

If and when I’m up to it, it will genuinely lift my spirits, too.

I’m a people-pleaser.

That used to be “roll-over”, knee-jerk submission to anybody at any time—but recovery has really helped me with a sense of self-worth and dignity .

Now my people-pleasing is more pure, and I hope more glorifying to God: I do it because I genuinely like to make people happy, not because I’m terrified of their rejection.

As this cancer unfolds, I plan to just do what comes naturally.

If I can give, I will.

If not, I’ll just stay to myself.

These are my resolutions. I’m working it all out as I write.

Thank you guys so much for being my sounding board!
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Old 07-09-2018, 03:13 AM
  # 231 (permalink)  
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Keep watching as I get sick to see if this all pans out!
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Old 07-09-2018, 04:18 AM
  # 232 (permalink)  
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Hi Gilmer. Just popping in to say hi and wishing you a rewarding day. My mother had much the same attitude as you during her cancer. Folks marveled at her strength of spirit and generous nature. When yet another person praised her to me, I agreed and said, "I know. I don't think I could be that strong if it were me." That person said, "Then you aren't your mother's daughter.". That was sort of hurtful! I still think about it. Wishing you a great day Gilmer. I hope you're chipping away at that bucket list. ((HUGS))
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Old 07-09-2018, 04:19 AM
  # 233 (permalink)  
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If I have learned anything at all from my experiences- it is the quality of now. To do normal stuff and be grateful for it- not to concentrate on the experiences (even when I was still going through a lot)...no death does not concern me- what I do know is the value of life. I think this is what you are saying, Gilly. To celebrate now- not mourn the future. Let stuff happen the way you want them to happen, not how others think you should. That is all we ever can do- make sense of the absurdity of our lives and still get on with living.
Support, as ever.
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Old 07-09-2018, 04:26 AM
  # 234 (permalink)  
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Rar, people say all kinds of boneheaded things.

I’d like to see how fast it takes that woman to crack when it’s her time to go!

You are full of resourcefulness, resilience, and grit.

Those gifts will shine when your time comes!
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Old 07-09-2018, 04:31 AM
  # 235 (permalink)  
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No, actually, Gilmer - I am not strong. You are inspiring me to be strong!

Phoenix is so right, If I have learned anything at all from my experiences- it is the quality of now. To do normal stuff and be grateful for it- not to concentrate on the experiences (even when I was still going through a lot)...no death does not concern me- what I do know is the value of life. I think this is what you are saying, Gilly. To celebrate now- not mourn the future. Let stuff happen the way you want them to happen, not how others think you should. That is all we ever can do- make sense of the absurdity of our lives and still get on with living.
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I have to get busy living.
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Old 07-09-2018, 04:36 AM
  # 236 (permalink)  
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I think we all surprise ourselves sometimes.
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Old 07-09-2018, 04:57 AM
  # 237 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Gilmer View Post
Keep watching as I get sick to see if this all pans out!
I have cheesecake and dammit dolls ready to be used at will, Kathy. I suspect you may need both along this journey.

In the meantime, your plans sound splendid. Although the places you chose sound wonderful, it seems to me that they are each about "experience" and sharing your love. Well done.

Just know that I will always be on the sidelines, cheering you on with love.
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Old 07-09-2018, 05:03 AM
  # 238 (permalink)  
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Thank you, Ann.

I may need the steel-toed bunny slippers sometime, too!
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Old 07-09-2018, 05:50 AM
  # 239 (permalink)  
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Gilmer, I'm late to this post, but wanted to say God bless. My thoughts are with you.
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Old 07-09-2018, 06:24 AM
  # 240 (permalink)  
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So you have awesome bucket list for activities, how about a food bucket list?

https://www.onlyinyourstate.com/virg...range-food-va/

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