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Gilmer 07-08-2018 07:19 AM

Yeah. I would never want to end my life by my own hand.

It really is a wonderful life that I’ve been given. I am grateful to God from the bottom of my heart.

Any problem in it is with me.

I do look greatly forward to being united with Christ.

I believe with all my heart that he is paradise.

Not that I would ever take the life he has graciously given me and hasten its end—life is a gift—but if these are the cards that I have indeed been dealt, then I am not going to resist him kicking and screaming.

biminiblue 07-08-2018 07:28 AM

So well said, G.

PhoenixJ 07-08-2018 07:30 AM

as I said, Gilly- grace and dignity

Gilmer 07-08-2018 07:33 AM

So I was feeling frazzled but fine yesterday, and a friend/acquaintance of mine, being shocked and upset at the news, wanted to get together for one of our periodic lunches.

Typically I listen to the travails of her life, partly because she’s got some serious problems with a family member that typically have far outweighed any tiny problem I might have had, and partly because I have the position of being her Community Group leader in our church, so I have a (voluntary) responsibly to care for her and ensure that she’s got a shoulder when she needs it—plus, I like to take her out and show her a lighthearted, fun time, because she is someone who is really and truly trapped in a bad situation.

It brings me joy to give her a break.

Just writing that out made me feel better.

(Writing works far better for detangling my emotions than talking)!

Anyway, we’ve been going back and forth trying to decide on a date.

Usually I’m pretty flexible, but my July is filling up, and I consider August already full. Traveling, though fun, will be stressful for me, and I don’t want to run ragged in my downtime.

Anyway, after much back-and-forth, we finally picked a date—then she said, “Whoops! I forgot I have to pick my brother up at the airport!” Can you do this or that date?”


I am well aware that family is important to her—but she literally has about 50 extended family members between her and her husband, and she constantly puts all 50 of them first before all other social obligations.

badgerden 07-08-2018 07:42 AM

:v8. Always here when you need us , for shoulders to lean on or to sometimes give you bad advice but in the most awesome of way of coarse! :You_Rock_


honeypig 07-08-2018 08:08 AM

Gilmer, I am so sorry to hear about the diagnosis, but I have to say that you are handling it exactly as I would imagine you would. Someone else used the words "grace and dignity", and that is what I would say too.

May your faith be both a rock and a light to you in this time, and may you always feel held in the hands of your Creator.

Obladi 07-08-2018 08:12 AM


Time to put yourself first, you know that. Your friend/acquaintance will prioritize as she will, but you take precedence over her schedule.

We should all do that - live life fully and hope that others will cooperate. :)


Purplrks3647 07-08-2018 08:28 AM

:c012: Hi Gilmer ~ I'm not very good at giving advice....just wanted to stop by, say hi and send lots of hugs! :hug:

Gilmer 07-08-2018 08:31 AM

Thank you, HP.

O, that’s a kinder way to phrase what my thoughts were about the friend!

My first thought was, “Can’t her damn brother take an Uber for once?”

She suggested another date, and I said yes—but then I thought that, since I already had an appointment that day, it would tax me unnecessarily.

I wrote curtly,

“Forget July 25–too much to cram into one day.

“July 30 or 31, or Aug 6.”

I felt bad after I sent it—she might be wounded that I consider her just another chore to cram in—that is exactly how I meant it for about a half hour! :sasmokin:

Hopefully it just sounded like I was swamped and in a hurry.

I really do care for her and want to meet with her.

Gilmer 07-08-2018 08:37 AM

Thanks, Purps and the rest of you guys.

Anyway, that scheduling incident put me in a black mood, so I immediately hurled myself into binge-watching GoT, which cheered me right up! LOL! Honestly!

The reason I mentioned the friend incident was to illustrate that, if there was any pink cloud effect going on, it’s over! :)

We’ll see how I do scraping by day to day now!

Purplrks3647 07-08-2018 09:08 AM

I'm exhausted just seeing your efforts to make all these appointments! No wonder you're tired! :hug:

fini 07-08-2018 09:49 AM

oh Kathy,
there is pink cloud or lack of it and then there is just reality (which of course also includes pink clouds or lack thereof). and reality is you have limited time.
and i have only "known" you here as the person alwauys giving your time, energy, encouragement, light, to others, and imagine it is challenging (starting to hate that word) to pull back on that a bit because you just cannot be there everywhere, and dates are limited.

i was thinking about it yesterday in terms of reading, since i read a lot. if i knew i only had a few would i decide what to read???
how do we make those decisions?

wouldn't be surprised if your friends haven't all really accepted the reality yet. yep, the brother can take Uber. if your friend can't "get there", it is her limitation.

what a gift, your faith. what treasure.

Gilmer 07-08-2018 10:02 AM

Thank you, Fini.

I am considering your email question about the necessity but difficulty of rising to the occasion with unselfishness, especially when people all around are having a tough time coping.

MyLittleHorsie 07-08-2018 12:28 PM

Love and light to you Gilmer.

Gilmer 07-08-2018 12:40 PM

Thank you, MLH. :)

saoutchik 07-08-2018 01:03 PM

Originally Posted by Healthyandsober (Post 6948153)

When you're weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes, I'll dry them all (all)
I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you (ooo)
I'll take your part, oh, when darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Sail on silver girl
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
Oh, if you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind

My follow up single - Trouble over Bridgewater - was tragically overlooked.

Gilmer i'm glad you were irritated by your friends scheduling difficulties, there's a lot more life in you yet. As others have said your grace and dignity is shining through.

Mags1 07-08-2018 01:16 PM

Hi Kathy, I’m pleased you’re rested.
To have a faith is marvellous. I know since I’ve been here on SR my faith in mankind and how we pull together to keep on that focused road, has been immeasurable.

I’d love to be witty and attempt humour but as the wonderful Burl Ives sang ‘A Little, biddy tear let me own, spoiled my act as a clown’.

Enjoy your family and friends visits and keep telling us all about it. We’re on this journey with you. xx

Gilmer 07-08-2018 01:45 PM

LOL, Sao!

Oh, don’t worry that I’m going to turn sugary sweet!

1). I derive too much amusement from being a smart aleck—
2) One day or another I’ll begin to have actual pain—and all bets are off for a docile attitude!

We’ll see when the rubber meets the road!

Hi, Mags! :wavey:

Croutie 07-08-2018 02:28 PM

Hi Gilmer..Kathy,

I guess you will always be Gilmer to me though! Funny how you can feel you know someone so well that you haven’t even met. I guess me pouring out all my troubles and getting such support and caring in return solidifies the bond. Thank you for being so kind to me dear Gilmer..
I just want you to know I am thinking about you and amazed at your attitude. Your faith is enviable; the peace, love and joy it gives you are so obvious. I strive to be “in grace” but mostly I just fall short.
You have inspired me to work harder....
You are in my prayers and thoughts.
Much love,

Gilmer 07-08-2018 02:40 PM

Thank you, Croutie!

As I said, it’s easy to be magnanimous when you’re not in any actual pain! :)

I think you are one of the kindest people I have ever known!

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