Barb777

Hi everyone!

I haven’t been on for a while. I’m coming up on 90 days, go to a lot of meetings which I love, am very spiritual but struggle with an enormous sense of anger and some depression that I assume is from things I never dealt with - because I would drink to numb out - was wondering who else deals with this and any ideas? Thanks!

Bird615

Doing Steps 4 and 5 and onward helped me at least begin to get some of that stuff out. Not keeping it inside anymore was very important in my healing. After those steps, it became a little easier to talk about things with appropriate people that I'd been keeping stuffed down. Journalling is another thing that helped me lot as well as continuing to develop trust in and rely on my Higher Power.

It might also be helpful to look into some kind of therapy or counselling with a professional.

teatreeoil007

I've always felt that anger needs an outlet....some sources say that "depression is anger turned inward." I think it's okay and even good to explore your anger via various means such as talk therapy, venting, exercise, writing, physical exertion, music, art,etc. Ever hear "angry" music? I have and I think whoever wrote/recorded the songs may have been expressing anger. There are various ways to express anger that don't have to be destructive. I believe it's very unhealthy to be told you should never be angry or if you are angry you can't speak up. I think life being what it is is going present us with situations and circumstances that are going to cause anger. This is part of being a living breathing human being.

Berrybean

Yes, that rage and resentment (as well as the shame) that I was carrying around in me made for a pretty painful time. At first the hope I got from the meetings was enough to keep me going, but it got to the stage when this alone wasn't enough. I needed to get myself a sponsor and do the 12-step work myself to get some relief (something I hadn't though I was 'alcoholic enough'(?!?! Lol - I know *blush*) to need. But I did need it. More than I could ever have known. It was amazing to me how those promises really did start materialising once I'd started doing that work.

BB

Nonsensical

Congrats on 90 days! That's awesome.

I listened to a podcast recently about how mental health is mostly defined as lack of mental illness. In other words, if we don't have an actual mental illness we assume we have mental health. In reality, there are many things we can do to improve our mental health.

Among these are diet, exercise, meditation, etc. Are you doing things for your mental health?

August252015

Glad you are here.

Yes, I too have professional support from an awesome psychiatrist as one of my important recovery tools. That's in addition to AA and working with my sponsor (I am 28 mo and change sober) and it also includes drugs specific to my mental "stuff," including a mild anti depressant dosage.

My philosophy is we definitely need to experience (and IME share) and then let go of the stuff that doesn't make us stronger (ie, anger is toxic...to ourselves). Certainly a process for me.

Keep going - hope to see you around here.

D122y

Barb,

Ime...it takes time and suffering. 90 days is awesome. At about 90 days I was going insane. Sr taught me it takes years to get used to normal.

That is why so many relapse. We all are brain damaged by the addiction. Normal feels wrong.

Imo...once i start on some meds...it is another addiction. I take a multi vit and a b12. If I miss them....I need them. They are an addiction. If I don't get some coffee a few times a week...I need it. Addiction.

Ime...I don't want to feel like there is something wrong with me. Nobody does. This is the place to vent it out and get feedback...like this.

I love the idea of therapy. I don't like meds.

Hope this helps.

Thanks for the therapy.

Wastinglife

I only seem to be angry when I have had too much to drink or hungover. I usually am generally pleasant, if obnoxious, when drunk, but on occaission, I can be mean and aggressive. Sober, I am chilled-out completely. The mysteries of the brain I suppose....

Treebeard

Lots of anger, here. More anxiety than depression, but I am intimately familiar with both. Alcohol helped with the anxiety while drinking, but ultimately made it worse. I think it all stems from growing up. My parents (and virtually every adult I met) made me feel like a burden when I felt difficult things like chronic sadness and frustration with being ignored.

I got no advice except to not personalize it, like the problem is with you. Life gives us all obstacles to overcome, and I think everyone here just got a bigger than average dragon to slay. In fact, we’re all like battle hardened warriors, fighting on. If it didn’t suck so much, it might actually be kinda cool.

Dee74

90 days was a real watershed for me.

I became aware that I'd been looking at life through the dark cynical glass of an alcoholic, even tho I'd been sober for 3 months.

That started to break up and I got back a little optimism, hope...and joy.
I hope it happens that way for you too Barb

D

teatreeoil007

I suppose a person can choose "not to become angry" in certain cases. But there are times when I wonder a person is NOT angry and they very well should be...I'm thinking in terms of people who ignore problems and are like ostriches with their heads in the sand. Problems come up. They need to be addressed. For myself, it is finding ways to address them that are not destructive to myself or others and don't just make the situation worse. So, that takes creativity. Sometimes a person needs to take some deep breaths or a time out; let their self simmer down a bit and then address the problem. Step back. Regroup. Whatever a person wants to call it or how they want to go about it.

The way we process and express anger has a lot of to do with culture and how we witnessed our parents and family deal with anger growing up. We tend to to follow the same....however, if we realize that how we deal with anger is not healthy, we can change tactics. Some people blurt things out; some stuff their anger and do the silent treatment. It don't think it's at all healthy to just stuff your anger....this contributes to depression and other ailments. Nor is it healthy of course to try and drown anger with substances to mask the way we feel because we don't like feeling that way. It's perfectly fine to state, "I'm angry." But I honestly don't run into too many people who state forthrightly, "I'm angry". Instead....it tends to come out sideways....and can sometimes turn into passive-aggressiveness, which nerve wracking in its own right.