midlife crisis
 

When you have that horrible realization that alcohol wasn't the problem.

Been sober since Mother's Day. Found out I was pregnant not to short there after. Interestingly, it wasn't an unplanned pregnancy but it wasn't like we (me and my spouse) were trying. I have friends who will follow their cycle, have enlisted the help of doctors while we just stopped trying to prevent pregnancy.

So, I have been sober and have not been tempted to drink. The longer I am sober the more and more I realize how unhappy I am with my marriage.

No major decisions in the first two years of sobriety.

Past drinking episodes puts me in a place where I am not allowed to feel sorry for myself as I caused much of the turmoil in my life. I need to be more forgiving and understanding.

I think of how we got together, how I felt when I was planning the wedding, how I felt after the certificate was provided to the court officials. How I came here and was wondering about my options to end the union... to have it annulled.

How I was drunk before and during this union. How we was drunk for most of it too with the exception of these past two years. It gets worse and worse every year as we all know that alcoholism is progressive. Now that I am sober, my feelings have not changed and the problems are still there. I think I was just drinking myself into a haze.

This whole situation I have gotten myself into is selfish as now there is a child involved. Feels impossible to fix.

I guess I just needed to vent or write it out. Not sure what I hope to gain from this. Guess I needed to just get it out.

I can relate in how a partner seems much more compatible and attractive while you are in a consistently drunken state. Although, I was never married, I dated many women (internet) where I was never really sober. After a few dates, things would inevitably fizzle out. Either I sobered up, or they realized I had drinking problem.

Clear-minded, none of these women were probably a good match seeing as they often had dealt with alcoholism with a partner or family member before.

Hi newhope :)


I know you and your husband have had a volatile relationship. I understand your concerns...but I also know I was a million different people my first 90 days.

You have a child coming - if it was me I'd cherish and focus on that - and see if, down the line, that makes a difference - it may...it may not :)

D

Hi NewHope......I don't have any constructive advice, as my own marriage isn't that great presently. However, I want to offer my support. I do agree with Dee that focusing on your child is important right now. Also, you not only have the up and down emotions of early sobriety, you are experiencing the pregnancy hormones, which can be really tough to deal with emotionally. Congratulations on your pregnancy AND your sobriety. :grouphug:

I think a lot of us have underlying reasons we drank.....self hate, bad situations, whatever. Drinking may not be THE problem, but it is A problem.
Nothing is impossible to fix, and it will be easier with a clear mind. Maybe some marriage counseling?
Good luck to you and vent here when you need to.

Spouse is against counseling. When we did go, I was fresh out of rehab and sessions became a rant about newhope01. We kind of got into it today because I don't want to be around him and he can sense it. He is assuming its because I am depressed and he wants to talk about it.

He tried picking a fight a couple of times but I didn't take the bait. Just asked him to leave.

Guess if I was drinking I would have taken the bait... Alcohol may not have been the problem but not drinking certainly is helping.

Added bonus is there are no more liquor bottles being dropped at my feet to consume.