Gottalife

Doctor Silkworth called it the manifestation of an allergy, the alcoholic’s strange reaction to alcohol. Whenever I took a drink it kicked off a craving for more, so powerful that it was beyond my ability to control. In other words, when I started, I couldn’t stop, I lost control.

Here is one story about how this manifested with me.

I was at a pub in Greymouth, on the west coast of New Zealand. I had my own unsuccessful business selling junk jewelry and had booked in for the night. I had a Cheque book with no money in it and a few dollars in my wallet. I went to the bar to have a couple and relax.

Time went on and I soon ran out of cash. But the craving was strong, so I ordered just one more, writing out a Cheque to cover it. I did this a few more times, then was too drunk to write, so I got the bar man to write them out, and I just signed them. There would have been six or seven Cheques in total, all worthless. I staggered off to bed finally.

The next time back in that town I went to see the bar manager. He had not presented my Cheques so I paid him cash and tore them up. At least I paid my bill, and I was grateful he didn’t prosecute me for fraud. He probably understood my problem better than I did.

Anyway, I have just been thinking about that. The number of times I wanted to have just a couple, and ended up repeating that “Just one more” process.

Does anyone else have experience like that to share?

WillLee13

Good share, thank you for it.

The obsession of the mind and allergy of the body. Before I had read that I had no clue that I was suffering from an allergic reaction.

I’d cook with alcohol thinking it was fine then would be uneasy for awhile. Then I realized that my body has a crazy reaction to even a hint of alcohol.

I was at a bar with a friend. This was during a very dry drunk. Anyways I was sober for a few months at the time, and with out hesitation like I hadn’t stopped I ordered a beer. My mind was racing a mile a minute at this time.

This story goes on and on but it helped me realize that on a normal day, that phenomenon of craving comes outta left field.

illNsickly

‘Just One More’ is what finally pushed me over the edge of acceptance.

It was a week ago and it was way too late and I was way too drunk and I had to work in a few very short hours.

After I sent off my ‘Sick Call’ messages, I sat down and spent a lot of time thinking about how long ‘Just One More’ had been my Mantra.

That was my eye opener.

Forward12

"One drink is too many, and a thousand is never enough"

Dee74

Sure Mike - manys the time I used my last $20 in the world to buy booze rather than food.

Crazy days.

D

Gottalife

One time I went to a bar at luchtime. I had had about three drinks, so I wasn't drunk, but the first drink had kicked off the craving. I knew there was no way I was going to stop until the bender had run its course. My boss came into the bar at this point and asked me to return to work immediately, on pain of firing.

In the grip of a craving beyond my power to control, I refused. In my mind there would be other jobs, but drinking was paramount to all other considerations in that moment. I had to keep drinking. I got fired.

SnazzyDresser

The Buddhist ideas on clinging and craving, how they inevitably lead to suffering, have helped me a lot in sobriety. And that's coming from a crusty old Texas redneck.

Grungehead

I'm just thinking back to all the jobs I lost or was in constant hot water because of this phenomenon. The evening would usually start with the idea that I was just going to have a few drinks and end with me being too hungover (or still drunk) to go to work.

The same thing would happen with commitments made to family or friends that seemed important when I made them, but after that first drink lost all relevance. In most of these instances I had a vague and fleeting sense that "just one more" was a bad idea but it never seemed to deter me, because after all it was going to be just one more.

VigilanceNow

I can 100% relate to this. Basically any time I went out with new people, I was able to pretend I wasn’t an alcoholic and would order a drink determined to prove to myself that I could control it. That seemed like the most important thing in my life somehow - proving that I wasn’t an alcoholic and could moderate. How little I knew.

Basically I spiraled in the same way; even if I had almost no money, I would find some way to get alcohol. It was a true obsession. I don’t know why I couldn’t apply the sound reasoning I did to everything else to this! 9/10 one drink would lead to a night of blacking our, even if by myself. With those odds, who would bet I could handle it ever?! The phenomenon is truly baffling, but it’s so good to have others who understand.

Thank you for this post!

entropy1964

Ugh the craving. It is a thing in and of itself. And all drinking did for me, toward the end, was relieve the craving momentarily....hence the need to keep going. And even before I consumed the first drink my neurons would start firing off 'Impending relief"....and I'd start feeling better. Ah neuro-chemisty....

I'm a science geek and to me this sums it up....so if you're patient have a read
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3749293/