It’s 4:17 in the morning....
 

and my wife is no where to be found. She went out “with the girls”, and I knew she would be drinking. I asked her that if she was going to crash at a friends or something if she had too much to drive, to call or text. Nothing.

Last I heard from her I got some pics she took with her friends. I have called numerous times, she does not answer the phone. No response to texts. I texted and called her friend. No response.

Recovery is hard enough. But to have to deal with her behavior is too much. Her drinking has ramped up lately. And while my recovery is mine alone, not knowing what a my wife is doing and where she is at, well, it’s overwhelming.

I am left with the best scenario is that she got so drunk she is passed out. And the worst scenario would be too much to bear. Here I am, with her daughter upstairs, my stepdaughter, and she has not so much as sent me a smoke signal letting me know what she is doing.

Who does that? I have committed my sins, but at some point my penance is paid. This is unacceptable.

I really want a drink. Good thing it is so early, or i’d Be tossing a few back.

Maybe your wife is thinking about all the times the positions were reversed Horn?

I'm not saying it's right but if that is whats happening, it's understandable in a human nature kind of way.

If you're worried about your stepdaughter tho I understand the imperative but it's not going to be an easy topic to raise..

Laying down the law with someone who very probably thinks you haven't got a leg to stand on is always going to be a difficult maneuver.

D

Dee, u r a wise man. That is exactly what I was thinking. In fact, when she has done this before, recently in fact, she brought up all the times I was unresponsive to calls or texts because I was drunk at a bar.

But at what point are we “even”? When does this end? At least when I was doing it I had an excuse. I was a drunk. What’s her excuse? Payback is a bitch?

Honestly, I never rolled up at 8 in the morning with no explanation as to where I was at or what I was doing. What am I to think?

If you're going to have a future together, there's going to have to be a lot of healing in your relationship

I don;t know how long that might take and how long the 'tit for tat' might last but it's gonna be longer than 2 weeks Horn.

I'd try and not get distracted by things or people you don't have a great deal of control over right now.

Your recovery needs to come first.

The one caveat - I'm not a parent - if you feel addressing this now ASAP is part of your parental duty of care then that's your call - but I would make sure your motivation is really all about your step-daughter and not because you're pissed off.

D

True enough. But u know the saying about 2 wrongs...... and as far as my drinking, most of it was in fact done with her. And at the end of the day, a simple text or call would suffice. Again, even at the height of my drunkenness, I did not do things like this.

Good ol' Mr. AV.
Always so happy to offer to help when you're feeling down, eh?
He's a liar and a thief. His offers are a trap. You're smarter than to let him trick you like that.

You have problems. Look for solutions, not escape.

Best of Luck on Your Journey. :ring

Thanks non. 5:37 here in Houston and still nothing. I can’t wait to hear the excuse. I might add that she has downed 3/4 of a bottle of wine 4 days in the last week. Guess it’s time to buckle up— it’s going to be bumpy ride.

horn, have you started on the steps yet?
this right here would be excellent for the 4th step because it goes much deeper than,"i was a drunk."

the steps would also help to find the exact reason it is bothering you( i read a lot of insecurities).

Hi Horn, I'm single with no kids, so I can't possibly imagine what you're going through at the moment.

But I do just want to urge caution, and whatever patience you can muster. You've already stated you'd be drinking if it wasn't 4am. Me reading your posts as a third party here...it feels like your AV is arming you with excuses to reach for the bottle. Don't do it. It will only make things worse.

I hope she reaches out soon.

I am in fact on Step 4. I know it is much deeper than what I wrote. But I can only go so deep in a message board. And I agree — insecurity is at play. But not so much as a simple text. What am I missing? I never did stuff like this. Ever.

I guess I all are right. That why I posted. I needed 3rd party perspectives. Thanks. I guess I should think more deeply on what living with me was like for other people. I thought I had, but not enough I suppose.

You reap what you sow.

Thanks trek. I am just disappointed. But she has told me I have deeply disappointed her. Payback is a bitch.

There is a recurring theme in your posts in this thread that you had this coming; you deserved this.

I'd be careful there. There's a very strong probability that her drinking is not your fault.

Even if she tells you it is.

I'm glad your step-daughter has someone reliable around today. Well done, you. :c011:

Step 4 talks about resentment. I am resenting the fact, that all during my drunkenness, and now, I have given her and her daughter everything. A beautiful home. A beautiful car. Great school. Paying for her college. Showering her with affection and love. Taking her, her mother, and her daughter in beautiful vacations. Swimming, gymnastics, all the things I was unable to provide my own children. And this is what I get?

I do not deserve THIS.

The least that she could have done.

Don't believe in paybacks. If that's what she's doing she is very immature.

M-Bob

Is there any chance she just got caught up in the moment with the girls?

Cell phone flat?

:)

There is possible, and there is probable.

Said the same thing to you before Horn, you need to separate your sobriety from your wife.

Platitudes are great less. Easier said than done.

youre right where yer s'posed to be,horn. there was quite a bit on my 4th i didnt understand my part. had stuff written down, but didnt understand it fully. i dont know if it was that i was complicating it or if i just wasnt ready to understand, but eventually i did.

I'm sorry you're going through this Horn. I can't imagine the multiple emotions and thoughts you are going through. ((HUGS)). My initial thoughts on your wife's whereabouts is that she got drunk and is sleeping it off at a girlfriend's place. Perhaps her thoughtlessness is the result of her drunken state. My advice is to keep an eye on your sobriety. I know that if I were in your situation, I would be tempted to drink AT my husband. Please don't do that. You can get through this.