VigilanceNow

Hi everyone. I always get so much inspiration and hope from here, and I’ve been trying to be more honest.

I went out with a new guy last night and didn’t drink, but my AV is chirping in my ear to use this opportunity to drink with someone who doesn’t know I’m an alcoholic and will fly off the rails if I drink. I don’t want to do it, but the temptation is getting to me.

I’ve been reading on here as I usually do when I feel like this. But it’s really, really hard right now. Any words of wisdom would help

biminiblue

Why does it matter what he thinks? By that, I mean YOU know what will eventually happen if you drink, right? The same things that happened before.

I don't spend time with people who are heavy drinkers, and if they are light drinkers it doesn't bother me. So, is he a big partier? Did you spend time listening to him talk about his drinking escapades, or did you spend most of the date at bars or watching him drink? That would be a dealbreaker for me.

Anna

Hopefully you can find things to do that don't involve alcohol. That would be important to me. If it seems that this new relationship revolves around alcohol, then maybe it's not for you.

Ghostlight1

My advice to you is my own experience . If you do go out with him again, and you do drink, if you're anything like me, he will know you're an alcoholic in short order.
That's been my experience when I've dated 'normal' drinkers. Once, at dinner, I ordered two drinks at once so as not to be sober. My date didn't say anything, but that relationship didn't last long

If it's too tempting I guess I would be up front and tell him you don't drink, if you haven't already.
That's a tough situation and I wish you the best with it.

doggonecarl

Aren't you newly sober, VN? This might be why it is often advised not to date in the first year of sobriety. Because such thinking enters our head and we take action on it.

VigilanceNow

Thank you for your advice and experience. I don’t even know if I want to go out with him again... but I felt that urge, that horrible voice that comes to us and says “just do it, just take one drink...”

I have to be vigilant (hence the name), remain accountable, and call people when I feel this way. I called my sponsor and she was so wonderful, I was crying and she talked me through it.

Thanks again, and if anyone else has something to say it is welcome

resolute50

Do what ever you can to refrain from drinking. Cause that my friend is the foundation of our new lives.

Wastinglife

My two longest periods of sobriety (10 months and 6 months) since 2012 were both ruined when I decided to start dating. They were internet dates and I was just bored/lonely. But I drank. Not too much in front of them. The dates went well, but it set me off back into my old habits and I was right back where I started.

MissPerfumado

It's great you reached out here, VN, and contacted your sponsor.

I went on a couple of dates early in sobriety - not because I was looking for a relationship but because I was asked out and thought, why not? I actually saw it as an opportunity to present myself as a teetotal person and see what the interaction would be like. You know, be one of those people who just "don't drink alcohol" and, when I was drinking, would make me wonder how they had any fun.

I was well into fitness and regular yoga as part of my recovery program so it was amusing to come off like some sort of super-conscientious "my body is my temple" type. Actually, one of my dates REALLY liked it.

It got me to realise that teetotal was quite a cool way to be socially.

Also, romantically speaking, I would now never spend time with a heavy drinker. As bimini says, it would be a dealbreaker.

Dee74

Sounds like a great way to crash and burn that new relationship

Stay sane VN

d

BDTL

They need have a sober dating web site for those interesting in dating without the booze . Maybe someone on here can start one and have a good little business. I hope you find a sober partner to enjoy life with as it will make your life so much easier.