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Old 06-29-2018, 09:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Need advice


I post and read here because I like most folks here are recovering alcoholics. My last drink was May 6th of this year. My needed advice is not for me but it is how to deal with my stepdaughters choice of male life partner. ( I cannot bring myself to call him the father of our grandchildren). I has the miss fortune to be around him last Saturday for a picnic. Just the 6 of us. 4 adults 2 grandchildren ages 2 and 7. He was smashed when we joined them at the park and kept drinking for the 4 more hours we were together. We left before I would have said or did something I would regret. His only good point before that day ws that I thought he was at least a good dad and that he never cheated on my stepdaughter. Well all of that has changed. I have learned that he hit the 2 year old with a cooking spoon just above the eye and left an abrasion and a small bruise. He told the stepdaughter that the child fell but the 7 year old told us that daddy hit him. This guy has had 4 DUI's in the past 4 years, wrecked 3 cars and lost countless jobs. Not fully knowing what kind of person he truly is I help him get a job where I work. Now he is close to loosing his job due to the amount of time he misses. I can go on but I will stop here. I would like some advice as what to do now. We have spoken to our daughter that the time has come for here to decide if she wants to raise her kids in an abusive home. He won't get help because he does not think he has a problem. As always he says and does the right things for a short time and then the drinking starts again. I am afraid for my daughter and I am afraid for the kids. If I call in the authorities I don't want the kids to go to any kind of foster care but I am afraid that if they know my situation that they will not let us take in the kids. I was never a physical or mental abuser when I was under the influence I just liked to have a few to many and cook meals. I don't know if they would take that in consideration. If anyone has a similar experience can you share some insight please. Sorry for the run on.
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Old 06-29-2018, 10:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Sounds like you have a very good reason to get sober. Those kids need stability and a place to go if their dad is abusive. So you need to keep walking the sober path you are on. If you are potential home for these kids, I suggest you get to AA and get a sponsor. Courts value the program and value a sponsor's opinion sometimes. Did you discuss the abuse with your step daughter? If she were to leave him and move in with you, would that be acceptable? Maybe she needs to know that. Taking on the full financial responsibility is often the biggest barrier to leaving someone. Most of all, if you believe your grandchildren are in danger from this man, then you must report him.
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Old 06-29-2018, 11:00 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Lizajane, all I can say is ready willing and able. Onto AA.
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Old 06-29-2018, 11:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I have no experience to share Marcutah - just wishing you well in that potential mindfield.

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