Snufkin....Snuuuufkin, c'mere.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
It was a long day and I’m really tired, but I’m gonna try to post more tomorrow.
My mum and her friend are staying with us for a week, I picked them up from the airport and it’s been very nice so far... They’re easily amused by everything and it’s so funny to see them admiring random things like traffic lights (‘they are much bigger here!’) or seagulls.
I’m now feeling happy that she decided to visit me here... We plan to do loads of stuff and it takes my mind off things.
Goodnight, Friends! I love you all!
My mum and her friend are staying with us for a week, I picked them up from the airport and it’s been very nice so far... They’re easily amused by everything and it’s so funny to see them admiring random things like traffic lights (‘they are much bigger here!’) or seagulls.
I’m now feeling happy that she decided to visit me here... We plan to do loads of stuff and it takes my mind off things.
Goodnight, Friends! I love you all!
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
Originally Posted by 2muchpain 
I knew a few kids that were cutters. I'll never forget them. They were dealing with so much pain that I couldn't understand. They needed a distraction and relief from their pain. It was horrible to watch since I could do little for them. I worked with one fourth-grader. He cut himself up so bad that his arms from his hands to his elbow were covered in bandages. We would put anything sharp away from him but that didn't stop him. He found a way to use his fingernails to cut through the bandages to continue cutting himself. Sometimes, we would hold his hands down just to keep him from doing any more damage to himself. Worked with a high school kid that would cut herself including burns from lighters. She would wear long sleeve shirts and pants to hide the scars. She had great parents that understood what she was going through and had her get great therapy. Both really great kids. The fourth grader is probably gone by now. He seemed so determined to end his pain.
Really hope you find a way out of what you are going through and find healthy ways to deal with your problems. Nobody deserves to go through that. Take care. John
Really hope you find a way out of what you are going through and find healthy ways to deal with your problems. Nobody deserves to go through that. Take care. John
Thank you for sharing this.I hope I find another way to deal with my issues too.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by Snufkin
That is so sad, John. 
Thank you for sharing this.
I hope I find another way to deal with my issues too.
Thank you for sharing this.I hope I find another way to deal with my issues too.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: northeast US
Posts: 715
Hey Snuff!! A fellow Juniper here wanting to join you and support your journey so I’m in!! Missed seeing you!! So happy to see this thread of LOVE for you!! You are worthy!! I was born in Dunfermline, was a wee one and then moved to Edinburgh before moving to Preston, England. Emigrated to the US where I now reside but have fond memories of life in the British Isles!! Crazy small planet we live on!! Be strong!! You’re so worth it!! 💕
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
I’m not doing well and I don’t know how to stop hurting myself. Do I even care enough to stop. I’m 4 days sober, but I don’t really have any motivation left not to drink.
I self harmed again last night. I know I should have posted here instead, but reaching out is too hard. I’m obsessive, needy and paranoid, and it makes me over think every single thing on this forum and everywhere else. I don’t think anyone deserves having to deal with me, so I’m trying to avoid people. I tried to talk with a trusted friend, but I was so angry and annoyed, it ended up with an argument. I apologised, but I’m still feeling bad about this. I said some nasty ****.
Oh the sweet poison of self-pity...
I’m not having any shifts till the end of next week and having this much time on my own is obviously not good for me... I have things to do; I should be looking for a new flat in Edinburgh and start planning what I’m gonna do there, get a new job etc, but it’s like my brain is no longer working and I can’t focus on anything.
I had another doctor’s appointment today and we’re switching meds because of my lack of progress. Sertraline to Prozac. I’m worried about side effects and withdrawals, it took me months to get use to my first pills... but hopefully it’s fine. Hopefully this time it works better. My doctor also referred me to a mental hospital, but she said it might bounce back, because I haven’t tried enough meds... sigh.
I have to do something to save myself. I stopped looking for commissions and haven’t been drawing since I finished uni. And being creative is good for me. I’m just not sure how to start. I can’t get out of bed. Oh there’s a graduation ceremony tomorrow, but I’m not going. I feel like I haven’t achieved anything other than a mediocre degree, and I don’t want to face my lecturers and classmates ever again.
Thank you to whoever’s reading this nonsense.
I self harmed again last night. I know I should have posted here instead, but reaching out is too hard. I’m obsessive, needy and paranoid, and it makes me over think every single thing on this forum and everywhere else. I don’t think anyone deserves having to deal with me, so I’m trying to avoid people. I tried to talk with a trusted friend, but I was so angry and annoyed, it ended up with an argument. I apologised, but I’m still feeling bad about this. I said some nasty ****.
Oh the sweet poison of self-pity...
I’m not having any shifts till the end of next week and having this much time on my own is obviously not good for me... I have things to do; I should be looking for a new flat in Edinburgh and start planning what I’m gonna do there, get a new job etc, but it’s like my brain is no longer working and I can’t focus on anything.
I had another doctor’s appointment today and we’re switching meds because of my lack of progress. Sertraline to Prozac. I’m worried about side effects and withdrawals, it took me months to get use to my first pills... but hopefully it’s fine. Hopefully this time it works better. My doctor also referred me to a mental hospital, but she said it might bounce back, because I haven’t tried enough meds... sigh.
I have to do something to save myself. I stopped looking for commissions and haven’t been drawing since I finished uni. And being creative is good for me. I’m just not sure how to start. I can’t get out of bed. Oh there’s a graduation ceremony tomorrow, but I’m not going. I feel like I haven’t achieved anything other than a mediocre degree, and I don’t want to face my lecturers and classmates ever again.
Thank you to whoever’s reading this nonsense.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
What happened to the, "I love yous?" Sweetheart, that post is all about self-loathing - and I have no idea how to help you with that. It's not something I actively practiced. At least not outwardly.
My illness was just the opposite. I thought I knew everything and was above everyone. I definitely needed to get knocked down a few notches. I don't know, maybe that was a defense to hide self-hatred. Regardless - it was dysfunctional.
We both need help to get to the, "right size."
I have faith in you.
I hope you'll go to the graduation. You worked hard for it and it's a festive momentous occasion that only happens once.
My illness was just the opposite. I thought I knew everything and was above everyone. I definitely needed to get knocked down a few notches. I don't know, maybe that was a defense to hide self-hatred. Regardless - it was dysfunctional.
We both need help to get to the, "right size."
I have faith in you.
I hope you'll go to the graduation. You worked hard for it and it's a festive momentous occasion that only happens once.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: North of the UK (one of the cold bits)
Posts: 672
Hi Snuf - sorry to hear that you're feeling so low at the minute You mentioned that it helps when you're being creative? How about pinning the biggest piece of paper on the wall that you can find? Attack it. Attack it with words about how you're feeling. Images - no matter if you don't know why you're putting them there. This is YOUR piece of paper and nobody else has to see it ever if you don't wish to share it. Keep going until you're done. If you like, burn it or keep it. Then before you go to bed - pin up a fresh sheet and if you feel the need to self harm pick up the paint/pen/marker and attack it again instead. There may be things that come out that you might feel ashamed of feeling or things that you never thought you felt but either way - it's better taking it out on that canvas than on yourself. Thinking of you & love you to bits hun. x
You mentioned that it helps when you're being creative? How about pinning the biggest piece of paper on the wall that you can find? Attack it. Attack it with words about how you're feeling. Images - no matter if you don't know why you're putting them there. This is YOUR piece of paper and nobody else has to see it ever if you don't wish to share it. Keep going until you're done. If you like, burn it or keep it. Then before you go to bed - pin up a fresh sheet and if you feel the need to self harm pick up the paint/pen/marker and attack it again instead. There may be things that come out that you might feel ashamed of feeling or things that you never thought you felt but either way - it's better taking it out on that canvas than on yourself. Thinking of you & love you to bits hun. x
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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(((((Snuf)))))
For me, there came a point where I was no longer able to pull myself up by my bootstraps.
All I could do was lie on the floor all day and cry,
The hospital, though not posh, did me a world of good.
It sounds like perhaps you are at that place—you can’t afford the time it would take for the new meds to kick in.
It might be the best thing you’ve ever done.
For me, there came a point where I was no longer able to pull myself up by my bootstraps.
All I could do was lie on the floor all day and cry,
The hospital, though not posh, did me a world of good.
It sounds like perhaps you are at that place—you can’t afford the time it would take for the new meds to kick in.
It might be the best thing you’ve ever done.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
I think Gilmer makes a good point. You sound so incredibly overwhelmed right now. Getting out of your environment and be in a place where people understand what you are going through might be the best thing for you. While there, it will give professionals a chance to assess your situation, and develop a plan for you when you leave. Perhaps they might also provide aftercare services so you don't feel alone. I know it's hard to make that decision to admit yourself to a hospital but it sounds like it would be the best thing for you. I think you already know the path you are on now is not a good one. Please do yourself a favor and make the right decision. John
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Snufkin, can you please, somehow, deep in your heart, find the momentum to attend your graduation? Not everyone achieves a degree, but you have, that’s awesome. 
It would be lovely if you attended and celebrated what you have achieved.
Please reconsider, forget the other attendees and what they
do or you think they think, because we here on SR don’t care about them, we only care about YOU.
It will be your day, collecting your degree, plus you can take a photo and post it here, and we’ll all be so very proud of you, and celebrate with you!
It would be lovely if you attended and celebrated what you have achieved. Please reconsider, forget the other attendees and what they
do or you think they think, because we here on SR don’t care about them, we only care about YOU.
It will be your day, collecting your degree, plus you can take a photo and post it here, and we’ll all be so very proud of you, and celebrate with you!
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by Tatsy
Snufkin, can you please, somehow, deep in your heart, find the momentum to attend your graduation? Not everyone achieves a degree, but you have, that’s awesome. It would be lovely if you attended and celebrated what you have achieved.
Please reconsider, forget the other attendees and what they
do or you think they think, because we here on SR don’t care about them, we only care about YOU.
It will be your day, collecting your degree, plus you can take a photo and post it here, and we’ll all be so very proud of you, and celebrate with you!
It would be lovely if you attended and celebrated what you have achieved. Please reconsider, forget the other attendees and what they
do or you think they think, because we here on SR don’t care about them, we only care about YOU.
It will be your day, collecting your degree, plus you can take a photo and post it here, and we’ll all be so very proud of you, and celebrate with you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
Thank you everyone.
Gilmer and 2muchpain, I have no doubt it’s a good decision to admit myself to a hospital, but unfortunately I still have to wait for this referral to go through. Probably a few weeks... there is a shortage of beds, so who knows. I’m seeing my doctor again in two weeks, hopefully I have more info then.
As for graduation, I know it’s supposed to be a big deal, but I just can’t do it. It’s too late anyway - you have to book tickets in advance, and I already emailed them I’m not attending the ceremony. I’d probably cry and drink if I was there by myself anyway. It happened at the degree show, seeing other people happy and celebrating with their friends and families made me mad and I drank. Yup, pathetic.
Gilmer and 2muchpain, I have no doubt it’s a good decision to admit myself to a hospital, but unfortunately I still have to wait for this referral to go through. Probably a few weeks... there is a shortage of beds, so who knows. I’m seeing my doctor again in two weeks, hopefully I have more info then.
As for graduation, I know it’s supposed to be a big deal, but I just can’t do it. It’s too late anyway - you have to book tickets in advance, and I already emailed them I’m not attending the ceremony. I’d probably cry and drink if I was there by myself anyway. It happened at the degree show, seeing other people happy and celebrating with their friends and families made me mad and I drank. Yup, pathetic.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 274
Some people say Prozac takes 2 weeks to kick in. For me the effect is instantaneous. Nobody believes it though. I have have been on and off it and decided to go back as I could not stay sober and it truly works for me. I have been to a mental hospital and depending on the hospital it may be helpful. Stay strong Snuff!
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
OK, Snufkin, if it’s physically impossible for you to attend the graduation, why don’t you post here tomorrow, with some more photos of your amazing work. I was awestruck by all your previous uploaded works. The haunted house cat one was stunning, I can still visualise it in my mind’s eye, in fact I can visualise them all (but I love cats). You have an amazing talent. I would definately purchase one of your drawings!
So instead, we can have a Graduation celebration here on your thread, tomorrow! Perhaps you could thrill us with a new drawing, because you are so, very, talented.
So instead, we can have a Graduation celebration here on your thread, tomorrow! Perhaps you could thrill us with a new drawing, because you are so, very, talented.
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