andyh

morning ((Snufs)). I'm sorry you felt you had to self-harm again, I hope you're safe now. I hope you can find a way to get yourself some help. can you talk to your Mum about it whilst she's here?

Snufkin

Thanks Andy.

My mum and I don’t really talk, and I want to keep it that way.

I’m just frustrated with myself.

Dee74

There's got to be other choices Snuf other than digging deeper and deeper holes?

D

trachemys

Snufkin, you're supposed to come here before you do that, right? You have to program that into your mind. Come here before. Come here before. Come here before.

biminiblue

I agree, Snufkin.

Try something different.

I have anxiety too, but it is ten thousand percent better than it was when I was letting it run my life. Anxiety is human and normal. How I react to it is where Recovery happens.


It's in that split second between the thought and the action.


Coming here first is an action that will help. It got me out of my own head more than once in early days. I re-trained my brain to do something different. In time the destructive thoughts waned. It takes practice, just like anything. Like your art. Practice.

You don't suck. How's that, "I love you," thing going? It doesn't have to make sense, but just know that we are suggesting things that worked for us - it can't hurt to try.

Snufkin

Yeah you’re right guys, I have to try a different approach. I’m trying to be hopeful and positive, but it’s almost too hard. I’m stuck in a continuous loop of negative thinking.

Gosh Edinburgh is sooooo beautiful. Now I’m really excited to be moving here soon.

biminiblue

Yeah.

I just Googled, "How to break negative thinking." Ridiculously there are 111 MILLION hits.

That's how I solved problems. I asked someone else what they did. If I do that enough, something that someone says or that I read resonates enough for me to try it.

trachemys

Snufkin, tell me ten good things about you and your life. Go.

Snufkin

Ten things that’s a lot... Ok ok, I will try!

1. I’m a good illustrator, I think. Or I would be if I wasn’t wasting my life drinking
2. I have badass tattoos
3. I’m moving to Edinburgh and that’s pretty exciting
4. I have enough savings to last at least a year, so I can properly start my art&design career without having to worry about working full time to support myself...
5. I speak more than one language... poorly, but I can communicate
6. I’m trying to be a kind and supportive person, I care for people
7. Umm not sure what else

Woah, six is still pretty good

Snufkin

Cool, there’s hope!

Gilmer

I hope Edinburgh turns into a bright new universe for you.

tomsteve

good on ya!! heres something you can do:
write all that down. carry the paper and when something pops up, write it down,
i'll add some:
1- well spoken.
2-kind and considerate.
3-polite

Rar

4. animal lover

biminiblue

(adding to tomsteve and Rar's lists)

5. Beautiful inside and out.
6. Intelligent.
7. Young! I didn't appreciate how much power "being young" had when I was young - but truly, with a long life ahead I hope you'll enjoy it!

2ndhandrose

8) Tenacious (you are still here and posting and moving forward)

trachemys

9. You are cared for.

Snufkin, when you hurt yourself, we feel it. You hurt us. Grab hold of all the positives you can and don't let go.

andyh

10. deserving of happiness.

PhoenixJ

11- very, very creative!

PhoenixJ

that was meant to be in caps- but the software corrected it for me

2muchpain

I knew a few kids that were cutters. I'll never forget them. They were dealing with so much pain that I couldn't understand. They needed a distraction and relief from their pain. It was horrible to watch since I could do little for them. I worked with one fourth-grader. He cut himself up so bad that his arms from his hands to his elbow were covered in bandages. We would put anything sharp away from him but that didn't stop him. He found a way to use his fingernails to cut through the bandages to continue cutting himself. Sometimes, we would hold his hands down just to keep him from doing any more damage to himself. Worked with a high school kid that would cut herself including burns from lighters. She would wear long sleeve shirts and pants to hide the scars. She had great parents that understood what she was going through and had her get great therapy. Both really great kids. The fourth grader is probably gone by now. He seemed so determined to end his pain.
Really hope you find a way out of what you are going through and find healthy ways to deal with your problems. Nobody deserves to go through that. Take care. John