Gilmer

I’ll be praying for strength, wisdom, direction, and peace for you, Snuf.

ProfessorD

Hi Snufkin. I've seen your posts here and there and maybe we were in a class together? I can relate to the relapsing and I used to self-harm. The urges are very similar, and I can see how they would overlap if left untreated. I'll join you for 90 days, if that's helpful I'm glad you have this thread now.

Snufkin

Ohh thank you ProfD! Yeah I posted a few times in June class, hoping to make June the month I finally stopped the madness... but nope...

I'd love if you could join me for 90 days!

Lipstuck

Can I join? I would love to be here with you for those 90 days.

Snufkin

Of course Lipstuck - fantastic!

Wow, thank you guys for wanting to be a part of my journey. I could not be more grateful for your kindness and caring.

CaptainHaddock

Snufkin, thanks for posting. You can get through this, but I think you will need to have all your wits about you, which means staying sober.

I am very sorry to hear that Leon will have to stay behind, but at least it sounds like he will be well cared for. I don’t know if this would be possible, but have you considered getting a furball companion of your own (not that the description really fits Leon)?

Snufkin

Thank you Captain. I’m thinking of adopting a cat once I’m settled - I haven’t really looked for a flat just yet. I think I’m gonna temporarily move in with a friend, and then we’ll see.

PhoenixJ

More support girl

Snufkin

2/90

Loads to do today, but I lack motivation to do the simplest things. I couldn't get out of bed until noon and now I'm just sitting in front of my laptop, trying to focus. My recent binges have wrecked my brain, and now I'm like Finding Nemo's Dory. Terrible short term memory. I can't memorise anything. Have I eaten today...

I've already mentioned it before on other threads, but my mum is coming to visit tomorrow and is gonna stay with us for a week. First time ever since I moved to Scotland, which is kinda a big deal for her, she's never been on a plane and is really excited to see me... We haven't seen each other in nearly two years. I'm nervous about this... I wish I could be the person she thinks I am.

Anyway, I better get going. My flat is a disgusting mess, I don't think one day is enough to clean this awfulness, but I'll have to try...

Take care everyone. Love you!!

ProfessorD

Great, Lipstuck! I'm very excited for the 90 day challenge since I've been struggling to get more than a few weeks together. I had 50 days and 35 days earlier this year so far.

Snufkin, I always feel in a fog after drinking and the first weeks are hard to get clarity and focus back. Try to go easy on yourself, which is easier said than done I know.

I'm sorry you're nervous about seeing your mom. Try not to guess what she thinks or expects you to be. You aren't a mind reader! Plus, it's best for yourself and your sobriety to just focus on being the best version of your own self.

ChloeRose63

More love♡ and support from me, too!

trachemys

So, act like the person she thinks you are. Even if you're acting, you're that person.

biminiblue

Snufkin, my friend, good to see you posting.

You are so very hard on yourself.

If you heard someone talking to someone else the way you talk to yourself, what would you think?

Be kind to my friend. Say nice things. Go stand in front of the mirror, look into your own eyes and say, "I love you. I am sorry. Thank you. Forgive me." Do that every morning for these next 90 days. If you forget, that's okay, but try it. It's called "mirror work." I've done it and works. I chafed at the suggestion and thought it's silly and there's no way. Turns out I really needed it.

Fusion

Hi Snufkin, I wholeheartedly endorse what Bimini said above. When I stopped drinking I hated myself, but I read online that looking into a mirror and saying ‘I love you.....’ was beneficial. At that stage, I couldn’t even look myself in the eyes, but I tried it, persevered, and unbelievably, it seemed to work. I’ve never heard it called ‘mirror work’ but for me, within a few weeks I could actually look myself in the eyes and mean it. Plus I added the ‘I forgive you’ bit. Powerful stuff, sounds daft, but my experience proved otherwise.

Snufkin

Thank you Bim and Tatsy. Blargh... This seems like an impossible task, looking in the mirror makes me so uncomfortable. I hardly recognise myself.

But I’m gonna try it.

biminiblue

All the more reason.

PhoenixJ

still supporting thee

Dee74

Things will get better Snuf trust me

D

Alysheba

Hi Snufkin,
I wanted to say hi to you. I knew what happened almost immediately. Intuition, or experience. I love you, baby. I want you to know that. Good luck to you and if you need anything let me know and I will get you my info. You are the best and I do care what happens to you in all ways! Are you moving out from your bf? Am praying for you and giving you all the good vibes I can. Love, Aly ♥♥♥

Snufkin

0/90 .......

Aaaand I failed with self-harm, woke up in the middle of a night, anxious and restless, went to the toilet, removed blades from a razor and cut myself again.

I was in so much pain this morning I missed my stupid bus to Edinburgh and now I’m gonna be late to pick my mum up from the airport.

I suck.