Lizajane

In 9 days, June 30 is a gathering of my teacher friends to say goodbye to a colleague who is moving out of state. It is at a venue where drinking will be a focal point...invitation gives all the low price drink options. I don't think I am ready to go there and keep the quit. I don't want to miss the celebration either. I REALLY WANT to see everyone. I am a very social person, even when I am sober. Summer is relaxing but a bit lonely for me when teaching ends and I don't see my pals and students. I teach a fair distance from my home, so dropping by people does not really happen outside of school. I also want to celebrate this job and big move for my colleague. How do I get myself in a place where I can handle this?

djlook

Did I read the beginning correctly, "Not Ready". I wouldn't have been able to "cram" for sobriety like it was a test. I mean that to be funny, not sarcastic. The BB says we can go anywhere if we're in fit spiritual condition. I don't know.

Gilmer

I would send her a card with a nice handwritten note inside expressing your sentiments.

People are often really surprised and pleased with personal notes.

Lizajane

It was funny djlook.
I guess I just wait and see if I am in fit spiritual condition in 9 days. Maybe some suggestions for party strategies to arm myself with if I think I am ready? To start, I have to drive there, so that is a deterrent in itself.

Anna

I tried something very similar with a neighbourhood block party in the early days of my recovery. I actually got through the evening without drinking, but it was miserable. All I could think of was drinking. And, the next morning, I rushed out to buy wine. That was a lesson for me. After that, I stayed away from places where alcohol was being served for months.

The fact you say you're not ready, but you want to do it, says everything. If you're not ready, don't go. It's not worth it.

Lizajane

Thanks Gilmer,
I guess missing a social event is not going to kill me. I don't need to worry about an excuse, she understands people are in and out of town.

A handwritten letter would be nice and definitely unexpected in this text to communicate age!

Lizajane

Anna,
I can really see that outcome for me. I think I can go in with a plan, stick to it, come home and then the next day think...see I don't have a problem I didn't even flinch. Then the AV would get me. That is a good caution.

djlook

Good. I'm glad you saw the humor since you're a teacher and all? I heard so many funny sayings in early sobriety, such as "Don't go to the barber if you don't want a haircut."

BDTL

You could tell all your friends you have given up drinking for health reasons. That's not a lie because if you keep drinking you are going to have health issues. I played golf recently with a bunch of guys who were drinking and I had no problem with it because they all knew I was done with it. I'm an AA member however I have no problem letting folks know I can't drink alcohol. It's not my cup of tea.

doggonecarl

That says it all.

Lizajane

Djlook...that one is cute.

Lizajane

BDTL I am really okay with just saying I am sticking to soda tonight. My concern is just avoiding the temptation. Doggone it Carl, don't quote me like that!

Lizajane

I think I just need to get out and have fun with some people! I feel like this in the summer when school is out and the family is not on vacation. Hubby works long hours and not very social. No work, no meetings, no lesson plans, clubs to run. There are no hockey games or band events, booster meetings...etc. I am used to running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I think I need to find some volunteer work I can do. Something that gets me out there with people.

MissPerfumado

I see a lot of AV in this post. Firstly, the statement that you don't think you're ready, so you are already sneaking permission to yourself to drink. Secondly, a bit of feeling sorry for yourself for the situation you're in (AV loves the poor-me's as it can be used to justify drinking). Thirdly, you're looking forward to the whole summer and building up the difficulty of staying sober through it.

I wouldn't go because I don't think you are ready. I'd work on my plan for future events and even reinforce the plan for things to do during summer. I'd find something that made me feel positive about sobriety, like finishing the teaching year in such great fashion.
x

eyes99

How about ask her out to lunch? You mentioned that you live far away, but maybe sober you is up for more driving this summer? You can keep in touch with your friends and stay social! Just on your terms.

djlook

I don't know if you're an AA person. I attended lots of meetings in early sobriety. I met some really nice ladies who were doing the same as me, changing everything about our lives, namely, people, places, and things. We had lots of fun. One thing about people like us, we're sure not boring!

Lizajane

Thank you Miss Perfumado...school has been out for a while now. I am genuinely missing people but will take your AV cautions seriously.

Eyes 99 this is probably NOT the place to see friends. $2 well drinks should not be the main menu attraction. I will shoot for something focusing on coffee or ice cream.

August252015

I definitely second the worried kinds of comments above.

Like was said- no way I (nor anyone I've met) could "Cram" for secure sobriety in just 9 days. Or 30, or 6 mo.....and part of that is just because time takes time.

I really agree with things MissPErfumado said here. And whether it's AA, SMART, etc - an active program is critical to long term success, most of us find - AND it will give you things to do is this possibly quite dangerous summer.

When I build up all the hoopla about something in my head....it usually turns out that I was the only one struggling with whether I should go or not.

And....I have NEVER regretted saying NO to anything. I'm 28 mo sober today and I promise you that if I happened to be invited to something that in any way challenged my emotional sobriety- and I can pick out most things that could cause me imbalance, by now- I'd just....say no, I hope y'all have fun!

My recovery comes before everyone and everything, period.

wildflower70

Hi Liza....

I went to a family function last fall and was 3 months sober. I was fine throughout the event, but I hated seeing all of the booze, and my drunk brother. They showed no consideration for how hard I was working to stay sober.

I shouldn't have gone. Yes, my mom would have been disappointed, and they wouldn't have understood why I didn't want to be in a room full of drunks. I shouldn't have gone!!

I bought 5 liters of wine on the way home, and didn't get back on track for 3 months. I hope you really think this through...

Best to you, and congrats on your sobriety!

Forward12

Don't go. It sounds like you are giving yourself a rock solid excuse for a relapse.
The workplace is for working. This function has nothing to do with your job, in fact, you likely may lose it by having "just a couple drinks"