gotta share this with somebody
 

Talked to my sister a few days ago. She is clearly off her meds. She's schizoprenic (sp). Still thinks someone entered her apartment and moved stuff around, especially her tooth brush that she said she found but thinks somebody did it and is playing with her. Banks are always after her money. What really hurts is that when I talked to her Tuesday, she sounded like she didn't know me and just wanted to get off the phone which isn't like her. Chances are she is questioning if I am really her brother talking to her or some imposter pretending to be her brother. Paranoia pretty much rules her world. This sounds nuts cause it is. Nothing I can do about it. It's amazing she is doing as well as she is, but I suspect she is getting a lot of outside help when she needs it. Wish I could do more, but found out a long time ago that because she is an adult, I and others are limited in what anybody can do. Just wanted to get this off my chest. John

This sounds like a very scary situation in that you have no control. I am glad you could come here and get this off of your chest. I hope she gets the help she needs before hurting herself or someone else.

I guess what really concerns me is that if she really had a serious problem, she would not let me know. In the past when she ended up in a hospital, she would tell people that nobody cares about her and that she's pretty much on her own. Don't know why she would say this, since my mother and myself have always been there for her, but the people at the hospital would believe her and not contact us. You'd think based on her history they would know better. Rock and a hard place. John

Nothing I can do but be ready in case I get a call if she needs me. Tried many times in the past to intervene and help but have been told as an adult, she can do what she wants. A person has to be in really serious straits before the courts would get involved. She has her rights. If I get a call that she needs me, I'll be there. Other than that, there's not much I can do. John

I am glad you can be there for her when she needs you. :hug:

Just frustrating that I can't just fly up there and help her fix her problems, cause I know I can make some difference if she would let me. Besides her mental issues, she is stubborn, hard-headed and independent and thinks she has all the answers. Fortunately for me, I've realized the hard way that I don't have all the answers and to really listen to others. But then I'm lucky enough to be able to do this without the psychiatric difficulties my sister is dealing with. At least she is living in an apartment and not homeless. If that ever happened, than whether she liked it or not, I would have to do something. John

Felt pretty much alone with this problem. Thanks. John

I'm sorry John I know how concerning this would be for you., I hope bringing it here helps, and I hope your sister decides to go back on her meds.

D

I’m sorry your sister is in such a bad situation John, and I do hope she starts taking her meds again.

Take a look at your 2 statements above for a second though. I think you likely need to start applying some of the knowledge you’ve gained in the second statement and apply it to the first. There’s really only so much you can do to help her too, and beating yourself up because you can’t fix it is harming you. You have come a long way in your own life for certain.

Schizophrenia is an awful disease. I'm so sorry about your sister and I hope that she goes back on her medication.

Sometimes, I feel I am thinking too much about my well being and leaving her behind. I know realistically that you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved or doesn't feel they need to be saved, but sometimes I feel I'm in a liferaft throwing a rope to my sister but she won't take it. Do I jump in and force her to take the rope, or do I accept the fact that she doesn't want to be saved. John

I think I'm being too dramatic. My sister is living in a nice apartment and seems to be doing fine. My concern is that this can change quickly. I know she could be in a hospital in a heartbeat and that of course concerns me. Her mental situation can change any moment and that just keeps me on edge, not knowing what's coming. The problem with my sister is because of her mental situation is that I don't know what's real and what isn't. Whatever man. We all are dealing with tough stuff. John

I don;t have any experience to share John but I think as long as your sister knows you're there for her if she asks, that's pretty much all anyone can ask of you right now?

D

Hello, 2muchpain.

I have a sister 1 year, 3 months older. She ran away and got married, didn't finish high school. I finished school and went on to college. She stayed at home, cooked, cleaned, raised two children and has never had a job in her life. She didn't need a job because her husband had a good income. He died at 42, left her in a huge house, and she was unable to keep up the maintenance on it. She had always had some emotional problems, not diagnosed, but to the degree that she didn't interact with others appropriately. She was always fighting with anyone who'd try to help her, and like your sister, stubborn, independent, and then could be so needy on the other hand, although she did not know how to ask for what she needed. I got involved in her life after her husband died and kind of took up where he left off. I thought I knew what was best for her, so my husband and I moved her to five different places in two years. At each of those places she started hearing things, seeing things, telling the most outlandish things, and none of them were true. I worried about her night and day, so I know what you're saying. It is awful to feel so helpless. Ended up, we moved to another state. She bought a camper and lives in a camp site with people all around her who watches out for her. She wanted me to stop imposing my wishes and wants on her, come to find out. Instead of taking our gestures as helping her out, her perception was that we were interfering in her life. That is one of the most difficult situations I have been through in sobriety. I haven't seen her in four years. When I go back to where we once lived, I've tried three times to see her and she tells me that talking to me on the phone once a month or so is good for her. I know exactly what you're saying and feeling. I've pretty much lost of my fear of being there for her if she gets in danger. That's what I was feeling, fear for her safety. She has a lot of friends and my sister-in-law who would call me if she was unsafe. I don't think you're being dramatic at all. I take it one day at a time, just like I do my sobriety. And over the years I have felt guilty that she ended up with such severe emotional problems. I don't right now. That kind of comes and goes.

I am really sorry that your sister is unwell. John. I hope that she starts taking her medication again.

Sending prayers your way.

John. Hmmmm. Man it's hard to be the loved one or closest living relative to someone who may or may NOT want your help when they need it the most.

Well, as a lot of sibling relationships go....they won't "listen" to you, but they may be more likely to listen to a total stranger when things are laid on the line.

*sigh*

I just get exasperated sometimes with folks that are "anti-meds" for the mentally ill. Many of those folks think meds are "bad" and have such terrible side effects and stuff...but frankly when you compare the mentally ill "off" their meds as opposed to "on" their meds ... I'll take the "on" the meds person any day!! In my experience, many of the folks who think meds are bad have not "dealt" with the "off the meds" version of people ENOUGH. They don't seem to realize that when some mentally ill people are off their meds they can be a harm to themselves and/or others and may end up on the streets/homeless. And, that's the reality.......anyways....I don't mean to turn this into a rant of mine.....this is your thread....

So, I am glad you feel free to come here for support and to vent, John.

I'm very independent too....just how I was raised....so I know how that goes.....but over the years I've become Pro meds for the mentally ill.....it's tough though because the schizophrenics can develop a delusion that the Dr.s are trying to "poison" them with the meds....and the bi-polars frankly enjoy the mania so much they don't want to be medicated either....so what is a loved one to do? Just be there in case and when they finally call for your help. There's only so much you can do....and you have to let go to an extent for your own well being. Detach with love.

It may be almost impossible for your sister to perceive that you care. Unfortunately, reason doesn't help you relate to what she's experiencing.

But it sounds like she's safe for now, and she has a loving brother, even if she doesn't recognize it. Those are good things.

My mother moved in with me cause she couldn't take the emotional abuse from my brother. My sister pretty much made life miserable with her mental problems. I moved out of state cause I needed to do to save myself. My mother eventually moved to where I moved to. My sister would visit occasionally, only to make our lives miserable. My mother died when my sister was visiting. She seemed unaffected by this. Joked around with the officer that was there while my mother layed on the floor. Had to grab my mother's jewelery from my sisters hands. Had to insist on a proper burial rather than just a pine box. My brother dropped by and dropped a few buck on the expenses. All this for someone who gave her life for us. Frankly, for me to have any empathy for anybody in my family is beyond belief. Thinking maybe dropping my sister and let her fend for herself. John

John,

I don't know if "dropping my sister" applies to what I needed to do to protect myself or not. I did move from the state she lives in. I had to ask myself, was she safe, and the answer was, as safe as she could be. I also asked myself were there people in frequent contact with her who would let me know if she was in danger and the answer was, yes. I talked to her a short while today when she called and she seems to be doing just fine without me there with her or me checking up on her like I used to. Her problems got really bad before I left, such as she thought people were shooting thousands of little airplanes in the sky hoping they'd land on her house and set it on fire. I just couldn't listen to it anymore. Bless her heart, she really believed it. She gets worse when there's stress. She disconnects from reality. When she's that bad I can't say anything to convince her those things are not true. If your sister's got her own apartment, is eating, paying her bills, etc., maybe that's the best she's going to get. The more I try and understand it or try to fix it the worse it gets. I just get nuts.

"Paranoid schizophrenic is the diagnosis that kills the therapist". It's a saying many mental professionals are familiar with. Be careful.