Berrybean

Oh John. This must all me so tough. The uncertainty most of all, and like you said, always having that fear there. Thing is, it's the fear that is affecting your life at the moment most of all in the everyday, rather than your sister herself who is not physically with you. If you can find a way to let the fear go, perhaps you don't need to drop your sister. But if not, then perhaps that you will need to do.

You know. From what you've said, even if you hadn't moved and had focussed every last scrap of your energy on your sister, her problems would be a the same. She would still be ill and paranoid. You would just be crazier and drunker and sicker yourself as well.

I wonder if applying AlAnon's 3 C's to this might help you to find some acceptance...

You didn’t cause it – it is not your fault that your sister is ill and doesn't let people help her. Nothing you said or did made any difference.
You can’t control it – nothing you say or do us going to make any difference
You can’t cure it – nothing you say or do is going to make any difference.

What can you do to make her better or force her to accept help? Nothing. So maybe it's time to let go and let God. If there are happier memories of your relationship with her perhaps you can dwell on those instead, and even share them with her to help her access reality a little easier and feel less alone on her more lucid days. Maybe in a letter with copies of photos so she can look at them (or not) when she feels well enough. And pray for her, and entrust her to God. Maybe also, you could inform the police office near her of your concerns, and ensure that they know about her struggles with mental health. Hopefully that way if they get a call out to her at any point they will deal with her sensitively and appropriately.

BB

thomas11

Sorry to hear about your sister John, not much I can say other than I support you and hope you can find some satisfaction somehow.

2muchpain

I don't know why I said that I would just drop my sister. I would never do that. Just my frustration showing. If my sister needs me, I'll be there for her. To me family is everything. I would feel a whole lot better if there was just one person I could contact to see how she is doing. John

Rar

I'm sorry you're going through this John. I went through a similar situation with my father, but he was suffering from senile dementia. He suffered from paranoia and suspected someone was stealing his silverware. I was 50 miles away and spoke with him most every day, listening to his issues over and over.
I felt helpless and so in that regard, can understand a little how you feel. Not any advice to offer, but want you to know I support you. ((HUGS))

2muchpain

Rar, sorry you had to go through that. Must of been real tough. Yeah, it's hard watching a loved on suffer and know there is little you can do about it. I know what you mean about hearing the same issues over and over again. My sister will bring up crazy stuff from 20 years ago as if just happened. Right now, she is talking about a bank she said she had nothing to do with that is taking her to court to get their money back. Sounds like something she dealt with a long time ago but who knows. Told her a bank can't just take someone to court without proof, but she finds ways to skirt around that. Common sense doesn't play a part in her world. When I visit her, I have to have an escape plan (local hotel) that I can go to if things get too intense.
Sounds like you did everything you could for your father. That's all that matters. Take care John