I want to own my sobriety, not have it own me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 172
I want to own my sobriety, not have it own me
I posted recently and many people had some really good feedback-mostly the message was to be proud of your soberiety. I really have spent 6 months pretty much in recluse, which seems like that’s a normal if not a good thing for people getting a handle on their choice. I have worried about telling people, but I am really happy with my choice.. most days 😉 really I just wish it was never even a thing. Anyway, I do need to wave my flag, and for myself more than anyone. It may be a fake it till you make it thing for now with this weekend coming up, but I do truly want to look more internally for my own acceptance and it’s becoming my new process.
There are so many aspects of sobriety that I wasn’t aware of when I started this journey and I didn’t think I’d run into my own insecurities so much that comes with saying no to drinks. Its scary to become sober but it’s also an actual thing having others live with it.
My family has been supportive or is like, sure do what you do mentality, but i think part of it is that it’s hard to feel like I’m making this selfish decision and living the way I need to right now when others may not be as supportive. I almost don’t want to put people in the position to tell me how my decision could affect their fun, but what if I loose friends just because I avoid them without telling them really what I’m up to?
Anyway, I’ve been really reflective after my last post. And I know as I start to come out and go to events where people may actually have anything to do with if I drink or not, it’s something I need to work on. I have nothing to apologize for my choice and if anyone really has any issue with it, I guess that really is more on them than me. It’s a fact I have to still wrap my head around and work on practicing and believing.
Thanks for the comments and letting me hear it again, it really is starting to sink in. Sobriety is an ever evolving thing isn’t it?
There are so many aspects of sobriety that I wasn’t aware of when I started this journey and I didn’t think I’d run into my own insecurities so much that comes with saying no to drinks. Its scary to become sober but it’s also an actual thing having others live with it.
My family has been supportive or is like, sure do what you do mentality, but i think part of it is that it’s hard to feel like I’m making this selfish decision and living the way I need to right now when others may not be as supportive. I almost don’t want to put people in the position to tell me how my decision could affect their fun, but what if I loose friends just because I avoid them without telling them really what I’m up to?
Anyway, I’ve been really reflective after my last post. And I know as I start to come out and go to events where people may actually have anything to do with if I drink or not, it’s something I need to work on. I have nothing to apologize for my choice and if anyone really has any issue with it, I guess that really is more on them than me. It’s a fact I have to still wrap my head around and work on practicing and believing.
Thanks for the comments and letting me hear it again, it really is starting to sink in. Sobriety is an ever evolving thing isn’t it?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
I like the quote:
"It is for Freedom God set us Free"
We don't have to give lengthy, or groveling, explanations about not-drinking.
A simple 'No thank you' or ' I just decided to stop drinking', or 'I don't need that $#!+ anymore'.
However, if it will serve a useful purpose, I am willing and capable of explaining the depths of depravity I descended into thru my drinking problems...
RDBplus3
"It is for Freedom God set us Free"
We don't have to give lengthy, or groveling, explanations about not-drinking.
A simple 'No thank you' or ' I just decided to stop drinking', or 'I don't need that $#!+ anymore'.
However, if it will serve a useful purpose, I am willing and capable of explaining the depths of depravity I descended into thru my drinking problems...
RDBplus3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I have nothing to apologize for my choice and if anyone really has any issue with it, I guess that really is more on them than me.
That right there. That's all you have to run with.
For me, my addiction loves it when I feel insecure about simply saying 'no thank you'. When I start over thinking and analyzing everything. When I start to own other people's reactions to my decision not to drink. When I start to think I owe people some kind of lengthy explanation for why I don't want a certain beverage. That gives my addiction an opportunity to strike when I'm in a social setting. I can use all that bs as a reason to drink. So its all AV for me.
Think about it, would you have to explain why you don't feel like shooting up heroin if someone asked you too? Alcohol is the only highly addictive, extremely toxic class 1 carcinogen that we actually have to justify NOT using. Kinda crazy when you think about it. And I know, at least for me, its all on me to just say no. Whatever anyone else feels about that is on them.
Hang in there. It will get easier each time.
That right there. That's all you have to run with.
For me, my addiction loves it when I feel insecure about simply saying 'no thank you'. When I start over thinking and analyzing everything. When I start to own other people's reactions to my decision not to drink. When I start to think I owe people some kind of lengthy explanation for why I don't want a certain beverage. That gives my addiction an opportunity to strike when I'm in a social setting. I can use all that bs as a reason to drink. So its all AV for me.
Think about it, would you have to explain why you don't feel like shooting up heroin if someone asked you too? Alcohol is the only highly addictive, extremely toxic class 1 carcinogen that we actually have to justify NOT using. Kinda crazy when you think about it. And I know, at least for me, its all on me to just say no. Whatever anyone else feels about that is on them.
Hang in there. It will get easier each time.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
Hello, Readygo.
For me, yes, sobriety is evolving. I've been sober 20 years, 10 months (I still can't believe it). I also stayed away from social events during the first year or so. In retrospect, I didn't have a clue who I was as a sober person. My first outing was a 50th wedding anniversary party. Of course, they were all were drinking to celebrate the occasion. The host asked did I want a beer and I said, "No, thank you." I didn't say, "I don't drink anymore." Nothing more was said. What I was thinking was, "You have no idea how I would behave if I drank one beer," which I wouldn't have done, of course. The drinking crowd I hung with would have been obnoxious and would have wanted me to cave because of the old adage, misery loves company. But I totally stayed away from those people. After 20 years of sobriety, I'm still learning who I am as an emotionally sober person. And sometimes I still don't feel like I belong or I feel that I'm not a part of. I'm having those thoughts and feelings as we speak. We've moved to a new town, new house, new neighbors, new neighborhood, and I feel like I'm newly sober. So I'm practicing what I've learned from the program, to be of service to others. I'll cook stuff and take it to a neighbor whose husband is in a nursing home, cook for a neighbor whose husband just passed away unexpectedly. I don't do it perfectly every time, but I'm making some progress.
For me, yes, sobriety is evolving. I've been sober 20 years, 10 months (I still can't believe it). I also stayed away from social events during the first year or so. In retrospect, I didn't have a clue who I was as a sober person. My first outing was a 50th wedding anniversary party. Of course, they were all were drinking to celebrate the occasion. The host asked did I want a beer and I said, "No, thank you." I didn't say, "I don't drink anymore." Nothing more was said. What I was thinking was, "You have no idea how I would behave if I drank one beer," which I wouldn't have done, of course. The drinking crowd I hung with would have been obnoxious and would have wanted me to cave because of the old adage, misery loves company. But I totally stayed away from those people. After 20 years of sobriety, I'm still learning who I am as an emotionally sober person. And sometimes I still don't feel like I belong or I feel that I'm not a part of. I'm having those thoughts and feelings as we speak. We've moved to a new town, new house, new neighbors, new neighborhood, and I feel like I'm newly sober. So I'm practicing what I've learned from the program, to be of service to others. I'll cook stuff and take it to a neighbor whose husband is in a nursing home, cook for a neighbor whose husband just passed away unexpectedly. I don't do it perfectly every time, but I'm making some progress.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
And if you have six months sober, you do own your sobriety. You've taken the actions necessary to not pick up a drink one day at a time. Getting sober and staying sober is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It's so worth it, even with its ups and downs. When I was drinking, it was all down, for me and all those around me. Hang in there and enjoy the journey.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
You're not responsible for peoples fun or lack of it 
I really believe the best that any of us can do is live an authentic life - staying sober helps me do that.
Its not selfish - its healthy.
It was g\hard for me - I'd become a people pleaser - the worst thing in the world was if someone didn't like me. I think because that reflected my own bad self image?
I discovered I was not a bad person when I got sober and I discovered that saying no did not make people dislike me...in fact many people liked me more because I was being real.
Those who don't understand that don't tend to be part of my life now, but that makes room for a lot more people who do_
You have nothing to apologise for or be ashamed of -
Congrats on 6 months readygo
D
I really believe the best that any of us can do is live an authentic life - staying sober helps me do that.
Its not selfish - its healthy.
It was g\hard for me - I'd become a people pleaser - the worst thing in the world was if someone didn't like me. I think because that reflected my own bad self image?
I discovered I was not a bad person when I got sober and I discovered that saying no did not make people dislike me...in fact many people liked me more because I was being real.
Those who don't understand that don't tend to be part of my life now, but that makes room for a lot more people who do
_You have nothing to apologise for or be ashamed of -
Congrats on 6 months readygo
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
We can be our own worst enemy at times. When I drank I did the familiar 'shuffle of shame' to keep people from seeing how much of a lush I was. Rotating liquor stores, buying crap I didn't need at the grocery store to hide that it was a booze run, etc. Then when I quit drinking I hid that, too!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I remember being horribly disappointed that almost no one living outside my house realized I was no longer drinking. I thought about me drinking and me not drinking all the time. How could they not be? It's like they have their own lives or something.
Deep breaths. Lots of them.
6 months is awesome! You are awesome!
Deep breaths. Lots of them.
6 months is awesome! You are awesome!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,407
For me I owned my alcoholism; worked great. No excuses and nobody else had a problem and if they did that’s none of my business. I don’t blame people for pushing, man I was the worlds worst at trying to get people to drink and calling them boring if they didn’t- I’m an alcoholic. Also I don’t not drink for any other reason and that’s my personality, my personality is not that of somebody who didn’t like drinking but somebody who loved it too much so gave it up. People respect that in my experience.
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