Wastinglife

I have been struggling to stay sober for a long time. I usually drink most days of the week, going without for 1 or 2 days. Then the cycle repeats. I am a very impulsive spender and can go through a thousand dollars in one week. Mostly on booze/pubs.

I am flat broke now. A blessing in disguise because I cannot drink without money. Often it takes being broke for me to sober up and get into daily AA meetings again, which is the only way I stay sober. All I need is food which I neglect to buy when drinking. I often give money to local homeless people when I have it and it's ironic that I am not that far off from their situation of being hungry and broke.

Hopefully, I can use this opportunity to break this wretched cycle I am in.

djlook

Do you work? Where do you get your money that you give away?

ScottFromWI

You've been posting about this for quite some time Wastinglife. Hope generally won't get you where you need to be - but action will.

How about making today the day that you actually do something about it? Go to a recovery meeting, call a rehab center, go see your doctor, visit a priest/clergy member, see a therapist, etc.

Being broke never stopped me from getting alcohol, but choosing to get sober did. I hope you can make the choice to do the same because you are the only one who can do it.

Anna

I'm sorry that you're struggling and I can hear your frustration in your post, but you are the person who has the ability to make the choice to drink or not. I think it's all about taking action. Is there something that you can do today to help break the cycle you are in?

least

You can get out of the mess you're in but it takes effort and changes. Are you willing to make those changes to get you in a better place?

Wastinglife

I am on day 2 sober. The bills and rent are paid. Going to AA tonight. Having no spending money for a couple weeks will be a good thing as I find it difficult to get past day 3 or 4 without drinking.
.

djlook

You sound like a generous giving person. When you go to a meeting, can you break the pattern, as you said in your original post that you'll go to meetings, and then drink again. Can you look around for a sponsor who'd be firm with you because he cares more about your life than your feelings? I was so fortunate to have found someone in AA who loved me that way. I didn't get serious about the program for two and-a-half years until I met her. Actually, I tried but I got sober in a small town and there weren't that many people to choose from. I kept trying, though.

AnvilheadII

so i wonder what hole you are trying to fill?

entropy1964

Such a tough situation WL ....your parents supporting you. I get they are trying to help you but in reality they are loving you to death. I guess in this situation only you can decide if you want to continue in this enabling cycle.

You have said you have mental health issues which is why you can't work. But its pretty hard to know where addiction stops and mental illness begins if you aren't sober long enough to tell. I am quite sure that whatever mental health issues you have are being hugely exaserbated by booze and pills.

Soooo, I guess the bucks stops with you. Or you wait until your parents completely cut you off. I hope you choose to stop. Obviously you can because you do once you run out of money. You could always tell your parents to stop enabling you?

ScottFromWI

That's great news WL - congrats on making it to day 2. Day 3 and day 4 are no different - they are just days. If it helps don't even bother counting the days, just do whatever it takes to stay sober today.

Wastinglife

I am going to be going to AA daily again. It will be a couple weeks before I can get money. I will need to find a way to eat however. I thought about a food bank but I don't want to take food from someone who really needs it as opposed to me getting drunk in bars and left with no money as a result.

sweetichick

Just go to the food bank. You have to eat. You won't be taking food off anyone as a lot of alcoholics and addicts go there. Maybe next pay you can set up a food budget for yourself. Hugs to you.

Dee74

If you need food, you qualify for a food bank WL.
They won't run out of food for the next guy

Sure best to not make a habit of drinking all your money but no point in starving yourself out of some sense of nobility either
D

Forward12

Putting the ego to rest is one of the key steps. You've wasted all of your funds on poison. You are one of "those" people.

Berrybean

You DO really need the food bank. And you know, when you're better fixed you could always give back. Either in donations, or by helping others who've found themselves in a fix, for whatever reason.

One of the most beautiful things that can happen to us is to learn to accept Grace. Because that, for a lot of us, is the first step to having it in our hearts to extend Grace to others. And it really is something that is a true joy to give. There is more satisfaction and healing in giving Grace than in any kind of self-serving. Not because is will be rewarded, but because it is a reward in itself, and can help us move from self-judging to self-compassion.

BB

Meraviglioso

I am so sorry about where you find yourself WL, I really am. I know that cycle all to well and it is so hard to break it but it is possible. I have been able to do it myself. My problem now is I get to a place where I have a good stretch going and something stressful comes up and I drink to cope. Something to consider as you work on this, preparing for the long term future as well as the short. But for now the key is to stay sober just for today. Go to the food bank, you will be welcomed and you are in need.

Gottalife

When I first went to AA I met a friend, Alan, in the rooms who was new too. We kind of buddied up a bit, used to talk a lot.

Alan seemed more committed than me. He was going to at least one meeting a day. I was going to two a week. We were both spending 10to 15 hours a week in the rooms talking to other newcomers. We got a few phone numbers. I called a couple of people that I had met in a meeting. That was everything the both of us were doing. That and not drinking one day at a time.

On day 21 I relapsed. I was in my old boozer. As a walked around the corner I spied Alan. Too late, we both tried to dive out of sight of each other, then, rather sheepishly, we got together and continued our relapse. Mine continued for another four days. I don’t know about Alan. I didn’t seem him for a few weeks.

So, WL, I have painted a picture of a past experience, something that happened to two of us together. If you had the chance to sit down with us in the rooms as we tried to figure out what was wrong, what would you be telling us to do. What would be your advice? What had we been missing?

Nonsensical

You never question why the other people have no money and are at the food bank. You just assume they are more deserving than you.

Are you willing to be wrong about that? Are you willing to believe you are just as worthy and deserving of care as they are?

It was hard for me to love myself in early sobriety. It would have been even harder if I was hungry.

You can do this.