Rb5612

I’m 31 years old and I’m a mess. I have been drinking “heavy” for the last 13 years. By heavy meaning partying shots, beers, normal party stuff. During these years I started doing cocaine. Only when I drank never sober. Once a week sometime twice. But over the last 3-4 years it has got bad. I drink a fifth of vodka to myself and do a gram of blow twice a week. Sometimes 3 times a week. I lost myself. I tell myself I’m gonna stop next time. This is the last time. It never stops. In the last 2 years I have gained over 70lbs. Gave up working out. I don’t go out anymore. Just sit at home and drink and do blow. I’m scared. I tried quitting. I never experienced withdraw. Just go home and can’t find anything else to do. Now when I drink at first my body hates it. When I think about it makes me feel like **** I still do it. And recently I have been taking norco at work. I’m a mess. I want to stop. The sad part is nobody in my family knows. I do this and nobody can tell. What the hell do I do. I’m lost. The worst part I have severed so many relationships. The norco not a real issue. I stop it easily. Only take them to cope with the hangovers. What’s crazy is I run a multimillion dollar company and show up everyday and do a great job. No issues. I personally notice I did a much better job before I developed this 3 day a week habit. But nobody else does. I almost kicked it last year. Went on Keto lost 50 lbs and had so much more energy. Was still drinking but less maybe 1-2 times a week and staring whisky. Ended up losing my way gained it all back and just said screw it. I have two kids and a wife. I’m a great dad and they don’t seem to see the problem. But if my wife ever found out about the cocaine she would leave me. I just want to quit it all and be the guy she fell in love with. Not tired all the time. Or wasting my days off sleeping. I can’t afford to go to rehab cause we would lose everything. What the he’ll can I do?

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR Rb5612!

Change is possible.

What are you willing to do to change?
What's your plan for disrupting this cycle?

PhoenixJ

Professional support/advice and going to meetings is a good place to start

Numblady

This may be a silly question but why would you lose everything if you went to rehab?

djlook

Hello, Rb5612.

Your last question was, "What the hell can I do." I think the more fitting question is, "What the hell am I willing to do." At the end of my drinking, I was drinking to live and living to drink. As far as your family, coworkers, and friends not knowing what you're up to, I don't know about you, but I also owned and operated a successful company - they all knew. I didn't think they knew, but after I sobered up, they let me know that they had known all along. They weren't able to tabulate the amount I drank, but they knew. Leading my double alcoholic life finally wore me down. I've been sober now for 20 years, 10 months, and I still have living problems like everyone else on this earth, but running away from them and drinking never solved them before so why would it now. I wound up in an AA meeting. I wasn't looking for sobriety. I didn't know what sobriety was. I just wanted the pain to stop. I kept going back because I thought maybe, just maybe that program might work for me. It hasn't been easy, and I can't count the times my mind told me that I wasn't an alcoholic, that I could have a few, but by the grace of God, I haven't. One thing that keeps me from picking up a drink is the thought that I probably wouldn't make it back. I hear in meetings that alcoholics have choices, jail, institution, death, or sober up. I don't think I would have made it had it not been for those alcoholics in those rooms sharing their experience, strength, and hope with me, and letting me know that I wasn't crazy, that I was just an alcoholic. Good luck to you. I hope you find something that works for you.

thomas11

If you can't go to treatment and can't quit on your own, you've got quite a dilemma on your hands. You say you might lose everything if you went to rehab, you might lose everything anyway with the path you are on. Right? Wish you the best.

D122y

Rb,

Ime... I never had a cocaine addiction, so I can't offer anything there.

But, I got this clean so far off booze by pure suffering.

When I wanted to drink, I didn't. It was kind of mind bending, insanity stuff.

Folks go un recoverable death spiral crazy from addiction.

When I craved I ate sweets. i tried to eat good stuff like granola. But, detoxing and healing is not the time to join jenni craig.

Suffering was my way here.

Thanks.

Obladi

You can stop drinking. That should cure the coke problem since it's drinking that leads you there.

Some ideas:
- Take a 2 week "vacation" to dry out and reset to sober
- See a psychiatrist who specializes in addiction
- Go to AA, LifeRing, SMART, or any other group that can support you
- Look into medications that might help

The bottom line is so simple it's painful. To stop drinking we have to just stop. We all understand you are giving something up in order to do this. Some people don't acknowledge the purpose addiction serves in our lives, but it does. When you do an honest cost/benefit analysis, though, it's very likely going to come out in favor of quitting. It's hard, for sure, but less hard if you are convinced that you have made the decision and that's all there is to it.

O

Anna

Welcome and I'm glad you're here seeking support.

I think there are things you could do, but you aren't quite ready to make the commitment. Whatever path you choose to sobriety and recovery is going to difficult, but it would be worth it for you to be the person you want to be.

BDTL

Being healthy for you wife & kids is so much more important than slugging down a bottle and having a horrendous headache. Focus on your health and get back into an exercise program... Life can be really good if you let it. Work the steps in AA or join another organization that you can recieve help. If you keep abusing your body you won't be around to see your kids when they have kids. You need to come talk to the two people in my AA group who would give anything if they could go back a few years and change the way the lived. One has terminal pancreatic cancer and the other is waiting on a liver transplant. Don't keep heading down the path you are now. Focus on being strong and kicking alcohol's arse! It's poison and you have a bright future waiting on you if you just reach out and grab it. Praying for ya now.