Weekender Thread 28th June to 2nd July 2018
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Depression I think is like alcoholism.
I can step off the elevator at any time, before it hits bottom. For me, I cannot afford negative thoughts because they tend to spiral.
I can step off the elevator at any time, before it hits bottom. For me, I cannot afford negative thoughts because they tend to spiral.
If to expand the metaphor I have a choice to either wait for the uncontrollably falling elevator to hit the bottom or to jump into the empty space in between the floors. Because for the moment there are no floors to step on.
Right now I don't see the therapist.
The reason I am reluctant because when I finished my latest round of therapy (if I am not mistaken, in November) I noticed a tendency that I feel better and elated right after the session. But the effect wears out by the end of the day and I am back to the feeling of being stuck.
Back then I told her "you know, I think I've done all the thinking possible, and the only cure left is action. Until I act myself into change there will be no quality change in my life".
She sent me to training to improve self-confidence and communication skills.
Usually I follow through any program up to the end - just because I hate quitting.
That time enough was enough: after a round of discussing why everyone was there a lady in her mid fifties spoke. She was on the verge of tears because her daughter didn't want to see her. And she felt like she is a burden to everyone just because she exists.
I just was sitting there frozen. Wow. That was exactly how I was feeling.
I didn't come back because I know that talking doesn't foster confidence. It may give some clarity about what's going on with you, but I've been there.
There was a stage when talking helped me a lot. It's time for doing. And that 's where the biggest fear stands in the way.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,199
skyfullofstars that's great that you could treat your co-worker like that, no small thing at all. Reducing that demand on our finances is another positive by product of not drinking.
MidnightBlue i'm sorry you are going through a bout of depression. Try not to be so hard on yourself, you have achieved much more than most since I joined SR. If you only ever aim for perfection then that will likely cause disappointment. Your best is more than good enough.
Just back from Broadgate Square and the big screen. What a dramatic game of football. Some of my friends have been drinking since just before kick off and other people there somewhat longer I have no doubt. I have returned home for the Uruguay - Portugal game as one lunchtime game is enough time to be around drinkers.
MidnightBlue i'm sorry you are going through a bout of depression. Try not to be so hard on yourself, you have achieved much more than most since I joined SR. If you only ever aim for perfection then that will likely cause disappointment. Your best is more than good enough.
Just back from Broadgate Square and the big screen. What a dramatic game of football. Some of my friends have been drinking since just before kick off and other people there somewhat longer I have no doubt. I have returned home for the Uruguay - Portugal game as one lunchtime game is enough time to be around drinkers.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
If to expand the metaphor I have a choice to either wait for the uncontrollably falling elevator to hit the bottom or to jump into the empty space in between the floors. Because for the moment there are no floors to step on.
It's not the fall that kills, it's the sudden stop.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I think I learned a lot from skydiving. Nothing could possibly scare me more than that split second when one foot was still touching the plane but I was already committed by gravity.
Not much else could ever frighten me like that. I did it several hundred times, so I probably needed to really learn that lesson.
((MB))
Not much else could ever frighten me like that. I did it several hundred times, so I probably needed to really learn that lesson.
((MB))
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Thank you, Sao. I am going to watch Uruguay vs Portugal too.
Yes, it looks and feels like time for me to jump.
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Well I'm a skydiver, so I say jump.
It's not the fall that kills, it's the sudden stop.
It's not the fall that kills, it's the sudden stop.
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Originally Posted by biminiblue
I think I learned a lot from skydiving. Nothing could possibly scare me more than that split second when one foot was still touching the plane but I was already committed by gravity.
Not much else could ever frighten me like that. I did it over a thousand times, so I probably needed to really learn that lesson.
((MB))
Not much else could ever frighten me like that. I did it over a thousand times, so I probably needed to really learn that lesson.
((MB))
I am stuck in this moment with one foot touching the plane and the other one committed to explore new horizons and dive into uncertainty.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue
Thank you, Sao. I am going to watch Uruguay vs Portugal too.
Yes, it looks and feels like time for me to jump.
Yes, it looks and feels like time for me to jump.
You're not in danger, are you?
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Sorry, Bim.
I am safe, in front of my laptop, with a bowl of cherries, shamelessly ignoring the commentator's request to stand up whilst Uruguay anthem is being played.
Thank you for caring)
I am safe, in front of my laptop, with a bowl of cherries, shamelessly ignoring the commentator's request to stand up whilst Uruguay anthem is being played.
Thank you for caring)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Greetings, all.
Welcome, skyfullofstars and LoveHateWine. Nice to meet you.
What fabulous discussions going on! Goodbyeevan, by simply talking about/sharing the journey of your recovery with your boyfriend, he may come to understand that recovery is much more than sobriety and that finding true self-change and recovery is the true secret to satisfying success.
I understand your oh friend’s concern that he would all the talking of alcohol triggering. As LizaJane mentioned, I, too, find some SR threads a bit triggering.
(((MB))). Hope you soon find the catalyst for the peace and the change that you are seeking.
Sending special thoughts to Snuf. Hope to hear from you.
Having a difficult breathing day so signing off.
Love to all.
Welcome, skyfullofstars and LoveHateWine. Nice to meet you.
What fabulous discussions going on! Goodbyeevan, by simply talking about/sharing the journey of your recovery with your boyfriend, he may come to understand that recovery is much more than sobriety and that finding true self-change and recovery is the true secret to satisfying success.
I understand your oh friend’s concern that he would all the talking of alcohol triggering. As LizaJane mentioned, I, too, find some SR threads a bit triggering.
(((MB))). Hope you soon find the catalyst for the peace and the change that you are seeking.
Sending special thoughts to Snuf. Hope to hear from you.
Having a difficult breathing day so signing off.
Love to all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,480
Originally Posted by goodbyeevan
It's really fun! We have a cabin in the woods themed one and a Sherlock themed one. There are number, word and directional locks to figure out with clues and puzzles everywhere. It is a fun job to watch and listen to people try to "escape" but no-one is ever actually locked in! There are scarier ones in Atlanta that I hope to visit soon!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue
Sorry, Bim.
I am safe, in front of my laptop, with a bowl of cherries, shamelessly ignoring the commentator's request to stand up whilst Uruguay anthem is being played.
Thank you for caring)
I am safe, in front of my laptop, with a bowl of cherries, shamelessly ignoring the commentator's request to stand up whilst Uruguay anthem is being played.
Thank you for caring)
Atta girl! Rebel!I just made a big smoothie. It's my big breakfast big dessert.
Here: Share-zees
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,480
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue
Thanks for the inside tip, Bim.
Not that I am going to do this in the foreseeable future, maybe when I am financially thriving I would fancy something like this.
I am having a bout of excruciating depression. Not really much to say here. A few pages back I saw quotes about the change which happens when pain of staying where you are is bigger than the fear of change.
I have ridiculous tolerance for unnecessary pain. When by any means I've already had enough, I keep tolerating.
And I have crippling depression as by product.
I remember four years ago i was struggling within borderline suicidal depression.
It took me I don't know how many times to tell my shrink that I can't take this "home assignments" any more and probably I need meds. At some point, when I couldn't possibly take another nano gram of this I started crying and said "I can't think about anything any more. I am done. I am falling apart".
When they finally sent me to psychiatrist for evaluation I told him "Emotional pain is that bad I would prefer to break my knee caps".
I don't want to wait to break my knee caps to progress to change. But lesser pain doesn't seem to be enough to propel me further.
Catch-22.
Not that I am going to do this in the foreseeable future, maybe when I am financially thriving I would fancy something like this.
I am having a bout of excruciating depression. Not really much to say here. A few pages back I saw quotes about the change which happens when pain of staying where you are is bigger than the fear of change.
I have ridiculous tolerance for unnecessary pain. When by any means I've already had enough, I keep tolerating.
And I have crippling depression as by product.
I remember four years ago i was struggling within borderline suicidal depression.
It took me I don't know how many times to tell my shrink that I can't take this "home assignments" any more and probably I need meds. At some point, when I couldn't possibly take another nano gram of this I started crying and said "I can't think about anything any more. I am done. I am falling apart".
When they finally sent me to psychiatrist for evaluation I told him "Emotional pain is that bad I would prefer to break my knee caps".
I don't want to wait to break my knee caps to progress to change. But lesser pain doesn't seem to be enough to propel me further.
Catch-22.
Why can't passion propel you? Your love of writing, boxing, our quest to know what this life means....these are passionate drives.....
Just my thoughts. xx ♥♥
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Your smoozie looks super-cool, Bum.
Why can't passion propel you? Your love of writing, boxing, our quest to know what this life means....these are passionate drives.....
Just my thoughts. xx ♥♥ This is a great question, Venus.
I keep asking myself the same.
I have the block inside - that it is luxury I can't afford, that the only thing I can afford is pain.
Originally Posted by venuscat
Why can't passion propel you? Your love of writing, boxing, our quest to know what this life means....these are passionate drives.....
Just my thoughts. xx ♥♥
I keep asking myself the same.
I have the block inside - that it is luxury I can't afford, that the only thing I can afford is pain.
ours de petit cerveau
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,630
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue
I am having a bout of excruciating depression. Not really much to say here. A few pages back I saw quotes about the change which happens when pain of staying where you are is bigger than the fear of change.
I have ridiculous tolerance for unnecessary pain. When by any means I've already had enough, I keep tolerating.
And I have crippling depression as by product.
I have ridiculous tolerance for unnecessary pain. When by any means I've already had enough, I keep tolerating.
And I have crippling depression as by product.
I hope you can find a way to be kinder to yourself - no-one deserves to have to tolerate unnecessary pain
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,199
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue
Sorry, Bim.
I am safe, in front of my laptop, with a bowl of cherries, shamelessly ignoring the commentator's request to stand up whilst Uruguay anthem is being played.
Thank you for caring)
I am safe, in front of my laptop, with a bowl of cherries, shamelessly ignoring the commentator's request to stand up whilst Uruguay anthem is being played.
Thank you for caring)
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Originally Posted by andyh
sorry ((MB)), that was me. it was just something I've found helpful in the past, I didn't intend for it to trigger anyone 
I hope you can find a way to be kinder to yourself - no-one deserves to have to tolerate unnecessary pain
I hope you can find a way to be kinder to yourself - no-one deserves to have to tolerate unnecessary pain
It didn't trigger me by any means!
The pain stemming from my past wounds and overtolerating the unnecessary pain inflicted on me has been living inside me every day of my life.
Your post rather gave stimulus to finally evicting it.
So, thank you!
Sao - This story made me smile.
You are awesome, guys.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)
