Newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Castro Valley, CA
Posts: 8
Newbie
Hi everyone!
My name is Dre. I'm 38 and live in California. The reason I came here was to seek support and advice for living with an alcoholic. My husband is 33, he's been drinking since he was a child. He is not physically abusive, but he is mentally and emotionally so. I'm at a point where I feel alone and depressed. I'm trying so hard to figure this all out, but I'm unsure if he's ready for recovery.
He is the first acohlic I have lived with, so I'm learning about this disease as I go. Needless to say I'm frustrated and lost.
Thanks for reading. I'm hoping to make a connection with someone in a similar situation.
My name is Dre. I'm 38 and live in California. The reason I came here was to seek support and advice for living with an alcoholic. My husband is 33, he's been drinking since he was a child. He is not physically abusive, but he is mentally and emotionally so. I'm at a point where I feel alone and depressed. I'm trying so hard to figure this all out, but I'm unsure if he's ready for recovery.
He is the first acohlic I have lived with, so I'm learning about this disease as I go. Needless to say I'm frustrated and lost.
Thanks for reading. I'm hoping to make a connection with someone in a similar situation.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
welcome to SR!
There is a family of alcoholics section on these forums! You will find a lot of people going through the samething as you. Also have you thought about going to Al-anon meetings? You should be able to search for one in your area....you would learn a lot there too.
I do live with an alcoholic. It isn't easy! I have learned to leave the house when he starts the junk talking towards me that way I don't take it to heart.
There is a family of alcoholics section on these forums! You will find a lot of people going through the samething as you. Also have you thought about going to Al-anon meetings? You should be able to search for one in your area....you would learn a lot there too.
I do live with an alcoholic. It isn't easy! I have learned to leave the house when he starts the junk talking towards me that way I don't take it to heart.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family. We have a special forum for friends and family of alcoholics. Have a look. 
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
We have a special forum for friends and family of alcoholics. Have a look. https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
Hello, DreRams.
I'm willing to share my experience, strength, and hope with you. I don't give advice as each of our situations are unique. I'm a female recovered alcoholic. I've been sober 20 years, 10 months. My first marriage was to an alcoholic, and I can identify with the loneliness, the verbal insults, and the emotional abuse, the financial insecurity, the embarrassment, the secrets, and the shame. I stayed married to him for 19 years. We had two sons and I told myself I was staying for the children. We divorced after 19 years and it was then my alcoholism progressed and I became a daily drinker. I did not reach out for any kind of help for my alcoholism nor Al-Anon for support until I had gotten into another relationship and found I had the same kind of issues/problems; low self-esteem, sadness, confusion, depression, anger, etc. I tried to control and cure another person's problem that they were unwilling to take responsibility for. I've attended many Al-Anon meetings, and one of the first things those gracious people shared with me is I didn't cause it, I couldn't control it, and I couldn't cure it. I know many ladies who have left their spouse and got into recovery for themselves and their spouse followed. I also know many ladies who left their alcoholic spouse and the spouse never got sober; they just moved on to another victim. In my case, my ex-husband died alcoholically. He never sought help for his drinking and he blamed me until the day he died. Al-Anon and AA truly saved my life. Members of Al-Anon are not judgmental. When we live with untreated alcoholism, we get sicker than they are because they have a bottle to crawl into and we don't. I was told to keep coming back - both programs -- and that's the encouragement I received. You can find meetings near you on the Internet if you choose to attend. Good luck to you and you are to be commended for reaching out. For me, I couldn't do it alone.
I'm willing to share my experience, strength, and hope with you. I don't give advice as each of our situations are unique. I'm a female recovered alcoholic. I've been sober 20 years, 10 months. My first marriage was to an alcoholic, and I can identify with the loneliness, the verbal insults, and the emotional abuse, the financial insecurity, the embarrassment, the secrets, and the shame. I stayed married to him for 19 years. We had two sons and I told myself I was staying for the children. We divorced after 19 years and it was then my alcoholism progressed and I became a daily drinker. I did not reach out for any kind of help for my alcoholism nor Al-Anon for support until I had gotten into another relationship and found I had the same kind of issues/problems; low self-esteem, sadness, confusion, depression, anger, etc. I tried to control and cure another person's problem that they were unwilling to take responsibility for. I've attended many Al-Anon meetings, and one of the first things those gracious people shared with me is I didn't cause it, I couldn't control it, and I couldn't cure it. I know many ladies who have left their spouse and got into recovery for themselves and their spouse followed. I also know many ladies who left their alcoholic spouse and the spouse never got sober; they just moved on to another victim. In my case, my ex-husband died alcoholically. He never sought help for his drinking and he blamed me until the day he died. Al-Anon and AA truly saved my life. Members of Al-Anon are not judgmental. When we live with untreated alcoholism, we get sicker than they are because they have a bottle to crawl into and we don't. I was told to keep coming back - both programs -- and that's the encouragement I received. You can find meetings near you on the Internet if you choose to attend. Good luck to you and you are to be commended for reaching out. For me, I couldn't do it alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Castro Valley, CA
Posts: 8
Thanks for your response! I thought I'd feel more relieved that someone is experiencing what I'm going through, but it just makes me sad that anyone else feels this way.
I have been considering going to meetings, like I said I'm new to this so I'm still trying to figure it all out.
I have been considering going to meetings, like I said I'm new to this so I'm still trying to figure it all out.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I'm glad you're here seeking support.
And, do remember that mental and emotional abuse IS abuse
http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/
And, do remember that mental and emotional abuse IS abuse
http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/
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