Please, Some Suggestions for a Newcomer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 2
Please, Some Suggestions for a Newcomer
Hi all. I am most certainly an alcoholic. I've been browsing this site for many years, relating to everyone, just being a silent bystander. Now, after an inpatient rehabilitation, IOP, and drinking during IOP I just feel like no one gets it. I'm 32 years old, and this morning my mother took my car keys, she drove over to my boyfriends house and took them from me. So "I showed her" I walked to the gas station to get booze, in inside out pajamas, that stereotypical brown paper bag thing. Just trying to show the insanity of it all, and it helps to type it out. I have a sponsor, I go to meetings, and I know I have a problem. I am pretty damn good at step one, I can't get to steps two and three. I won't surrender. I have lost everything, but I still won't surrender. Marriage house job materialistic ********, you know how it is. but most importantly, I have completely lost myself. I have NO idea who I am.
Any suggestions on surrendering to this? I still think I am "above" the disease.
Any suggestions on surrendering to this? I still think I am "above" the disease.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,910
You are wise to post and it seems like wise enough to have answered your own question. If you were really above it, do you think you would feel this way/be living this life? Seems like probably not. What do you have to lose in not surrendering? You can do it, it seems to me. All the best to you!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi and welcome!
Well you haven't lost everything if you have a boyfriend, a mom who cares and some money to buy booze.
I do know what it means not to surrender. To admit I'm powerless over alcohol. I knew I was an alcoholic, I accepted that. But that in and of itself was not enough. For me it took what it took. That I would literally have no one. I was losing my mind.
For me I had to grow the fluck up. I do not have the right to drink. Being sober is a minimum expectation of just showing up for that adulting stuff. I was dangerous, irresponsible, thoughtless, selfish. I had to admit that I was acting like a 2 year old. For me, I think that realization really helped. It gave me that start.
Then I had to get determined to not drink, no matter what. To not drink 'over' something or 'at' someone. That is all just BS. And then learning to simply 'go through' whatever life handed me. And learning/accepting that I am 100% responsible for my actions, responses and choices.
I needed help to do this. So that's what I did. I think maybe I'm finally growing up!
Well you haven't lost everything if you have a boyfriend, a mom who cares and some money to buy booze.
I do know what it means not to surrender. To admit I'm powerless over alcohol. I knew I was an alcoholic, I accepted that. But that in and of itself was not enough. For me it took what it took. That I would literally have no one. I was losing my mind.
For me I had to grow the fluck up. I do not have the right to drink. Being sober is a minimum expectation of just showing up for that adulting stuff. I was dangerous, irresponsible, thoughtless, selfish. I had to admit that I was acting like a 2 year old. For me, I think that realization really helped. It gave me that start.
Then I had to get determined to not drink, no matter what. To not drink 'over' something or 'at' someone. That is all just BS. And then learning to simply 'go through' whatever life handed me. And learning/accepting that I am 100% responsible for my actions, responses and choices.
I needed help to do this. So that's what I did. I think maybe I'm finally growing up!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Once, I was in much the same place as you are, not knowing who I was anymore, unable to quit drinking. In 2005, I admitted I had a drinking problem and decided I should stop. In 2013, I finally did.
What turned things around after 7-1/2 years of trying to quit was the day I finally began to want -- really want, with my whole soul, from my toes to the top of my head -- to stay sober more than I wanted to get drunk.
The rest was just doing whatever it took to make sure my priorities stayed in that order.
What turned things around after 7-1/2 years of trying to quit was the day I finally began to want -- really want, with my whole soul, from my toes to the top of my head -- to stay sober more than I wanted to get drunk.
The rest was just doing whatever it took to make sure my priorities stayed in that order.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
but I still won't surrender.
ya actually dont have to surrender in AA so much as let go absolutely to old ideas. it reads like the results have been nil with them.
im sure youve heard it a few times:
if you have decided you WANT what we have and are WILLING to go to ANY lengths to get it, THEN you are ready to take certain steps.
do you WANT what we have?
do you know what it is we have?
are you WILLING to go to ANY lengths? ready to take certain steps?
ya actually dont have to surrender in AA so much as let go absolutely to old ideas. it reads like the results have been nil with them.
im sure youve heard it a few times:
if you have decided you WANT what we have and are WILLING to go to ANY lengths to get it, THEN you are ready to take certain steps.
do you WANT what we have?
do you know what it is we have?
are you WILLING to go to ANY lengths? ready to take certain steps?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
What do you mean by, "They don't get it"?
The people in inpatient rehab do get it. The people in IOP do get it. Maybe your mother doesn't - unless she's an alcoholic too.
The only thing there is to "get" is this: Don't pick up that first drink no matter what happens.
I didn't have a particularly difficult time staying quit once I made the decision that I don't drink any more.
There was definitely a moment when it made sense to me to change. I was sick of all the misery I was causing to myself. I didn't care about much of anything else, but I did want to feel better. It took a few months for that to happen but when it did everything became clear and I, "got it."
The people in inpatient rehab do get it. The people in IOP do get it. Maybe your mother doesn't - unless she's an alcoholic too.
The only thing there is to "get" is this: Don't pick up that first drink no matter what happens.
I didn't have a particularly difficult time staying quit once I made the decision that I don't drink any more.
There was definitely a moment when it made sense to me to change. I was sick of all the misery I was causing to myself. I didn't care about much of anything else, but I did want to feel better. It took a few months for that to happen but when it did everything became clear and I, "got it."
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
It was important for me to accept that I couldn't control alcohol in my life. Once I was able to do that, I was able to stop drinking. I had completely lost myself, too. But, have faith that you can stop drinking and live a sober life.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
What do you mean by, "They don't get it"?
The people in inpatient rehab do get it. The people in IOP do get it. Maybe your mother doesn't - unless she's an alcoholic too.
The only thing there is to "get" is this: Don't pick up that first drink no matter what happens.
I didn't have a particularly difficult time staying quit once I made the decision that I don't drink any more.
There was definitely a moment when it made sense to me to change. I was sick of all the misery I was causing to myself. I didn't care about much of anything else, but I did want to feel better. It took a few months for that to happen but when it did everything became clear and I, "got it."
The people in inpatient rehab do get it. The people in IOP do get it. Maybe your mother doesn't - unless she's an alcoholic too.
The only thing there is to "get" is this: Don't pick up that first drink no matter what happens.
I didn't have a particularly difficult time staying quit once I made the decision that I don't drink any more.
There was definitely a moment when it made sense to me to change. I was sick of all the misery I was causing to myself. I didn't care about much of anything else, but I did want to feel better. It took a few months for that to happen but when it did everything became clear and I, "got it."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
,Maybe the word "surrender" has a bad connotation for you. Maybe you associate that word with humility, weakness, giving up, giving in....and these things scare you. But I will tell you that humility, weakness, giving up, are not bad things....yes our pride may not be able to accept that....so is it pride you are really coming to grips with? Maybe the thought of surrendering rankles your pride. But pride can keep us in places that are not good for us. I know this for myself. Pride can prevent me from asking for help. It can prevent me from making good change. It can prevent me from having good relationships. It can prevent from so many good things. Surrender can actually be a very very beautiful thing. But you won't know until you do it.
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