Got fired by my sponsor. Need help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
Got fired by my sponsor. Need help.
Hi sober family. I hope you guys are great.
I got fired by my sponsor
I wasn't doing basic stuff like consistent meetings and finishing my step work. I get it. Now I'm kinda scared about slipping.
I got fired by my sponsor
I wasn't doing basic stuff like consistent meetings and finishing my step work. I get it. Now I'm kinda scared about slipping.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
That is nothing to drink over! Maybe it wasn't the right sponsor or maybe AA isn't the right program. There are lots of other options. I'm definitely not the best sponsee... if I think my sponsor gave up on me, id just find someone else. I'm supposed to meet with her tomorrow and i can't find my fears page and haven't done any of them yet anyways... I stick with the steps because people claim it does wonders once your finished. I will give it the best shot i can, maybe even do them again. Definitely do not drink. Surely there is someone in the AA community you can call if you feel like it would help.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
What do you 'get'?
The reason your sponsor wanted to free their time up to work with someone else who IS willing to put the work in? Or the need to do that basic work?
If you slip it won't be because they fired you. It'll be because you weren't working your program of recovery.
Your sponsor has made suggestions that you weren't happy with before, and you came on here looking for alternative advise. When folk here agreed with your sponsor, you didn't respond. The idea isn't that your sponsor tells you to do stuff because they want you to do it. The idea is that we ask someone to sponsor us and guide us because we want what they have, and if we do what they did, we'll hopefully get what they've got. I'd suggest getting yourself back to meetings and get a sponsor who s got what you want so you can find the willingness to take their suggestions. And yes. What they suggest isn't gonna be what we'd normally choose to do. That's why we need a sponsor, because if nothing changes then nothing will change.
Are you gonna make some changes and start doing the work now?
BB
The reason your sponsor wanted to free their time up to work with someone else who IS willing to put the work in? Or the need to do that basic work?
If you slip it won't be because they fired you. It'll be because you weren't working your program of recovery.
Your sponsor has made suggestions that you weren't happy with before, and you came on here looking for alternative advise. When folk here agreed with your sponsor, you didn't respond. The idea isn't that your sponsor tells you to do stuff because they want you to do it. The idea is that we ask someone to sponsor us and guide us because we want what they have, and if we do what they did, we'll hopefully get what they've got. I'd suggest getting yourself back to meetings and get a sponsor who s got what you want so you can find the willingness to take their suggestions. And yes. What they suggest isn't gonna be what we'd normally choose to do. That's why we need a sponsor, because if nothing changes then nothing will change.
Are you gonna make some changes and start doing the work now?
BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Pressmetilihurt 
I wasn't doing basic stuff like consistent meetings and finishing my step work. I get it. Now I'm kinda scared about slipping.
I wasn't doing basic stuff like consistent meetings and finishing my step work.
you understand why
i get it.
andbthe solution:
if you have decided you want what we have and are WILLING to go to ANY length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps.
do you know what we have?
are you willing to go to any length to get it?
no program works without putting in the work.
it works if ya work it so work it youre worth it.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Sponsors don't prevent drinking. I've never had a sponsor, and I don't drink.
I do the work that I need to do to stay sober, though. I am a firm believer in putting in the work. Retraining brains is hard. It takes a lot of work. If you believe a sponsor will help you put in the work, then go get another one.
Fear of slipping because your sponsor let you go is pure AV. Don't buy into that BS.
You can do this.
I do the work that I need to do to stay sober, though. I am a firm believer in putting in the work. Retraining brains is hard. It takes a lot of work. If you believe a sponsor will help you put in the work, then go get another one.
Fear of slipping because your sponsor let you go is pure AV. Don't buy into that BS.
You can do this.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
My experience has been that a sponsor's main purpose is to guide one through the steps, kind of like an instructor would guide a student through any other type of course. If the student doesn't show up for "class" or do the coursework then the student is responsible for the outcome.
I first got sober in 1990, went to AA, eventually got a sponsor, but was resistant to working the steps. After a few years I stopped going to meetings. I managed to stay sober for 3 more years doing nothing for my recovery before I relapsed for a year.
I went back to AA in 1997, got a sponsor, worked the first 3 steps but balked at step 4. After a few years I stopped going to meetings. I managed to stay sober for 4 more years doing nothing for my recovery before I relapsed for 8 years (which almost killed me).
I went back to AA in 2013, got a sponsor and worked all of the steps within a few months. Yeah I really didn't want to take an honest look at myself in step 4 much less share it with my sponsor, but I didn't want to die from alcoholism either. My last relapse gave me a glimpse of what that would be like and I guess that gave me the motivation I needed.
Looking back it's a shame I didn't just follow my sponsor's suggestions 20+ years ago, but my ego, pride and fear wouldn't let me at the time. It took the gift of desperation to swallow my pride and ego and push past the fear and just follow the suggestions given to me by my sponsor. I finally showed up for class and completed the coursework. Five years later I can honestly say it's the best thing I've ever done for myself.
I first got sober in 1990, went to AA, eventually got a sponsor, but was resistant to working the steps. After a few years I stopped going to meetings. I managed to stay sober for 3 more years doing nothing for my recovery before I relapsed for a year.
I went back to AA in 1997, got a sponsor, worked the first 3 steps but balked at step 4. After a few years I stopped going to meetings. I managed to stay sober for 4 more years doing nothing for my recovery before I relapsed for 8 years (which almost killed me).
I went back to AA in 2013, got a sponsor and worked all of the steps within a few months. Yeah I really didn't want to take an honest look at myself in step 4 much less share it with my sponsor, but I didn't want to die from alcoholism either. My last relapse gave me a glimpse of what that would be like and I guess that gave me the motivation I needed.
Looking back it's a shame I didn't just follow my sponsor's suggestions 20+ years ago, but my ego, pride and fear wouldn't let me at the time. It took the gift of desperation to swallow my pride and ego and push past the fear and just follow the suggestions given to me by my sponsor. I finally showed up for class and completed the coursework. Five years later I can honestly say it's the best thing I've ever done for myself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
sponsors give freely of their time. if someone they are trying to work with isn't WORKING the program, attending meetings, doing the step work, then there isn't much TO sponsor. and if this person is sponsoring multiple people, there is only so much of available to go around.
you have been gifted with a big FAT SIGN about the state of your effort in your recovery. sobriety is a GIFT. treat it as such. tend it, nurture it, protect it. make it your absolute priority EVERY DAY.
you have been gifted with a big FAT SIGN about the state of your effort in your recovery. sobriety is a GIFT. treat it as such. tend it, nurture it, protect it. make it your absolute priority EVERY DAY.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Rather than a reason TO drink sounds like a reason NOT to drink.
Sounds like from your past posts you've used your difficulties with AA as a reason to start drinking again. No one, including a sponsor or us, can stop you from drinking.
Maybe would be helpful to work on shifting the dependence on some outside plan and others to stop you from drinking to an internal reliance. How might that work?
Sounds like from your past posts you've used your difficulties with AA as a reason to start drinking again. No one, including a sponsor or us, can stop you from drinking.
Maybe would be helpful to work on shifting the dependence on some outside plan and others to stop you from drinking to an internal reliance. How might that work?
Guest
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
I have gone through two sponsors. Noone has the right to demand you follow their rules which probably aren't even in the big book. You need to have your own boundaries. Maybe this sponsor was a bad fit. There's lots of ways to get sober. Find one that works for you. Best wishes
Vietnam Vet
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Georgia
Posts: 421
My sponsor told me if I missed two meetings then we would have to call it a day. He said if he missed two meetings I should fire him. He's in it to help me become a stronger person. I think you need to decide if you are serious about making your life a better place to live. If you are, make a solid commitment to finishing the steps and making yourself proud. You are doing this for you and nobody else so by sticking to the program and proving you are in it to win it, everybody around you also wins.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
Yes.
Originally Posted by Berrybean
What do you 'get'?
The reason your sponsor wanted to free their time up to work with someone else who IS willing to put the work in? Or the need to do that basic work?
If you slip it won't be because they fired you. It'll be because you weren't working your program of recovery.
Your sponsor has made suggestions that you weren't happy with before, and you came on here looking for alternative advise. When folk here agreed with your sponsor, you didn't respond. The idea isn't that your sponsor tells you to do stuff because they want you to do it. The idea is that we ask someone to sponsor us and guide us because we want what they have, and if we do what they did, we'll hopefully get what they've got. I'd suggest getting yourself back to meetings and get a sponsor who s got what you want so you can find the willingness to take their suggestions. And yes. What they suggest isn't gonna be what we'd normally choose to do. That's why we need a sponsor, because if nothing changes then nothing will change.
Are you gonna make some changes and start doing the work now?
BB
The reason your sponsor wanted to free their time up to work with someone else who IS willing to put the work in? Or the need to do that basic work?
If you slip it won't be because they fired you. It'll be because you weren't working your program of recovery.
Your sponsor has made suggestions that you weren't happy with before, and you came on here looking for alternative advise. When folk here agreed with your sponsor, you didn't respond. The idea isn't that your sponsor tells you to do stuff because they want you to do it. The idea is that we ask someone to sponsor us and guide us because we want what they have, and if we do what they did, we'll hopefully get what they've got. I'd suggest getting yourself back to meetings and get a sponsor who s got what you want so you can find the willingness to take their suggestions. And yes. What they suggest isn't gonna be what we'd normally choose to do. That's why we need a sponsor, because if nothing changes then nothing will change.
Are you gonna make some changes and start doing the work now?
BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Pressmetilihurt
Yes.
You deserve all those promises to come true, and it's a gift we can only give to ourselves. Sure, others help us along the way as we need them to, but nothing they do is worth a light until we're willing to change our ways and take suggestions. I learned that one the hard way and it kept me in a dark old place for longer than necessary.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery friend.
BB
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
Originally Posted by sweetichick
I have gone through two sponsors. Noone has the right to demand you follow their rules which probably aren't even in the big book. You need to have your own boundaries. Maybe this sponsor was a bad fit. There's lots of ways to get sober. Find one that works for you. Best wishes
There are many people posting here who have had great success by following the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and, as part of that, following the advice of a sponsor. If you aren't willing to go to any lengths than you will never have success.
Guest
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
I resent that comment. I do daily meditation and pray. None has made any difference to my drinking. I was trying to reach out to someone in my same position. I n aa there is just drug addicts and married men who don't want to lose their wives. Plus those who don't even believe in mental illness which I am diagnosed with. How do you know why his sponsor ditched him. Start an argument I am ready for it. I was giving support.
Guest
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,802
No-one has the right to run your life not sponsors partners or even psychiatrist. Everyone needs to follow their gut instinct as long as it's not telling you to get drunk. God gave us a brain to use.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by sweetichick
. How do you know why his sponsor ditched him. Start an argument I am ready for it. I was giving support.
I wasn't doing basic stuff like consistent meetings and finishing my step work.
it was alse stated by the OP that they understand why.
it was also stated by the OP that they are ready to do the work.
nowhere was it shown a sponsor or psychiatrist was trying to run ANYONES life here,sweeti.
hope you can stop drinking yourself,sweeti. its pretty sad to read the demise into insanity and ya dont deserve that.
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