Day one again
 

Well I messed up big time again. Called in sick on Thursday with a hangover. Then drank again last night. This is a nightmare. I need a better plan. I feel like a nervous wreck again.

I'm sorry sadsadgirl.
What kind of things are you thinking about trying now?

D

I'm sorry you drank Sadsadgirl. I know how awful that feels. It does sound as if your plan needs tweaking. I frequently have to tweak mine as my circumstances and situations change. I find that once I've faced a newly difficult situation, I become a little stronger. You will too. Rooting for you. :grouphug:

Sorry sadsadgirl,
I had many day ones, I learned from each one, improved my plan and behavior based on what I learned, and tried again. Never give up and try to not to beat yourself up to badly. You will be successful if you stay at it.

If you don't have a plan, you need one. If you have a plan and it's not working, you need a better one.

But the most important thing about a plan? Following it.

Posting before you pick up the drink is an easy step to implement.

I picked up this past week to stop myself doing what I had to do in work. It’s a new job and I have been getting stressed out and procrastinating over my first project. Lots of invasive voices have been coming in at me. I’m going to dust myself off today and get back on track. I will do some work tomorrow to get ahead of the game. My AV loves work stress.

Hi sadgirl, I know just how you feel. A lot of times alcoholics have been shown to drink at literally the most inopportune times (not that there’s ever a good time to drink!) it’s part of the stress reaction many of us feel. It’s good that you’re aware of it!! That will help in identifying future times of vulnerability.

Glad to see you are dusting yourself off and getting right back on the sober train :-)

I’ve just spent today reading obsessively in here. It’s so good to not feel alone. I’m having bad anxiety when I think of what I did last night, who I messaged, will they know I was drunk, do they just think I’m a big mess who’s not getting their life together? All such invasive thoughts. It’s 8pm here and I just want to sleep but I just can’t.

Keep contemplating where I went all wrong, what a mess my drinking has made out of my life. I had everything going for me, now I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust myself.

you probably can't be trusted IF YOU DRINK.

however if you do not take that first drink, EVER, you won't have regrets.

Don't let worries get to you.
You might just be stressing over nothing.
And you might be shocked to find out that most people that care for you will just be concerned if you did drunk message somebody.

First off. YOU do know that sobriety is attainable right? You can do this.
Second, you didn't walk away from this bad experience with nothing. You have recognized that work stress is a trigger for you.
How can you fix this? Drinking is not the answer, so that is out.
Can you or are you willing to get help? Maybe go to a meeting at AA.
I quit without it, but, it was hard.

You know, you never really fail unless you stop trying.
I think you can quit this madness. You have the strength inside you to do it.
Let's change the sadsadgirl to a happygirl.
Relax and get some sleep.
Worry never gets us anything or anywhere.

HI there,

I'm sorry you are going through this, I know how you feel. I think I must have called in a total of 14 times last year due to being hungover. :scared:

For me it came down to 2 things: I either needed more support, or less challenges, or both.

I reduced my stress at work by cutting back on hours, I stopped spending time with people or in places that caused me to be uncomfortable. I made my life less challenging.

Then I found the support I needed, here with SR and also from deep within myself. I practice a lot of self care, I nap when I'm tired, I eat healthy food, and I treat myself often.

I am almost 5 months sober, and have no desire or thoughts of going back. You can do this too! Start treating yourself with a little more kindness, patience, and love.

:grouphug: WF

You will be able to trust yourself if you never take that first drink. That's when everything falls apart. If work is causing you so much stress, I hope you can find some healthy ways to deal with that stress. Do you take time for a long walk or some kind of exercise to try to chill a bit? I hope you can come up with a plan that works for you.

Yeah I was going to comment to NOT trust yourself to drink..I don't trust myelf to have 1 beer/drink...not that I'd even want one beer/drink because I drink with a "goal to forget/escape".. If I'm going to drink, I'm getting loaded and that didn't work well for me anymore. :dee

I'm glad you checked in today, and that reading here has helped. I used to think drinking was the best way to alleviate work/life stress and anxiety, but truthfully it just made things worse.

When I got sober for good I focused on recovery being about healthy mental and physical choices. I made exercise and mindfulness a part of ny daily routine, even if it was just a short walk, I made it a point to get some sort of exercise.

There are some great mindfulness apps that target anxiety, you may want to try those.

I log in here and read and post daily, and that has helped me get 2.5 years sober. The second the thought of alcohol pops in your head log in here and post, someone will be along to help talk you through it. Have you tried any face to face support (AA or another recovery group?) What else have you tried in the past? What are you thinking of adding in?

You can do this, I promise it is so worth it!!

Day 2
 

I’m beginning day 2 again, my last ever day 2. It really isn’t worth feeling so bad again. I feel super anxious. Haven’t eaten anything in days. I need to get back on the healthy train. I’m so much happier when I live well, it makes me heart and soul sing. It just feels miles away at this point.

There’s a person in work adding to my work stress. He’s got depression and keeps messaging me all the time and it triggered me very badly on Friday evening. I have told him that he needs professional support and that I don’t have the headspace to deal with it right now. Just hate that I get myself into this situations where people are leaning on me and I can’t be there for them!

I feel like my anxiety is getting worse. I can’t eat anything. I live with my dad, moved in after him and my mum divorced and cos I was a mess with my drinking. He’s making me dinner and forcing me to eat. I haven’t eaten for four days. He knows I got blasted on Friday night, but doesn’t know I called in sick on Thursday (I was away with work). Anyway, another thread I’ve read on here is about half truths, I feel like that’s what I’m doing-keeping it from him like a big dirty secret. At least I’ve owned up on here, you guys know.

I haven’t felt this anxious for a good while. Why was I so stupid to throw away my sobriety like that?! It’s a stark reminder out there how life can unravel so quickly. I need to post about it so I have something on here explaining how I feel, then when I play the tape forward I can see what it does to me.

A couple months ago I began entertaining the idea that I could drink again and I wasn’t that bad. But once I take that drink I know now that it ends up here. Maybe not at first, but sure enough, it gets me EVERY TIME.

I’m in bed, just got into my pjs. Just want this to get better, wake up and feel ok again. I know it does get better but I’m scared I can’t ride out these first days. I feel very weak....hmmmm

Sorry for the essay guys.

Hi Sadsadgirl. You are far from stupid. You're on your way to being sober for life, and you haven't given up on yourself.

You said two wise things in your posts - "It really isn't worth feeling so bad again." It can never be worth it, & it took me a long time to finally get that. All our resolve & determination goes out the window once that first drink hits us. Also, "Life can unravel so quickly." I found that out when I started drinking after a few years of sobriety. It didn't take long for me to crash & burn - dui's, lost relationships, work issues, financial chaos, health problems. In my many years of drinking, nothing really bad had happened - but this last time, I was looking death in the eye. It feels so good to be free. You can do it, Sad.

I know it's hard, but you can get through it. Take care of yourself and I'm glad that your Dad is encouraging you to eat. It's really important to do the basics of caring for yourself through these tough few days.

Thanks for your post Anna, I really do appreciate it. I know deep down that sobriety is my path, the one I’m meant to follow. I guess that’s why I feel stupid-because I’m not being true to myself.

I am grateful for this forum, it’s the only thing that is keeping me sane. Thank you so much all. It’s all take take take from me though, I only post when I’m bad. I will change that this time round.

Just focus on yourself for now. Once you get you in order helping others will help keep you in order. Hang in there!