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found my moms drugs

Old 06-22-2018, 04:18 AM
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cc7
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Unhappy found my moms drugs

i dont really know how to do this, and i didnt really think id be here but i was looking online for help and i found someone else in a bit of same situation and id thought id try here too.

The other day i was in my moms room while she was at work watching tv, and my cat started pawing under her desk. I went to look because i thought his toy had rolled under there but what i pulled out was a mirror with a piece of straw and lines of whats either meth/cocaine.
I know my moms at least had a little history of drug use, because of what my dad has said. And he has too, and hes an active user and also a alcoholic and he's told me this. I thought what he was saying about my mom was lies to get me to not like her (they had just split up) but i guess not.

i really dont know what to do. Im not as surprised as i am mad. My mom can be pretty irritable and uncaring, and i was neglected by her at a young age and she really just started acting more motherly when my parents split up ( about a year and a half ago) and she had too. Im scared of her when shes irritable. And i dont know if i should confront her about what i found because i think she'll guilt trip me or cry and pity herself and i dont want to ruin the small part of the good relationship we have. when i think about her behavior throughout now and my child years, this makes sense.

I also dont want to talk to my therapist about this because im scared he'll notify dhs, and i'll have to leave for a while into foster care. I cant live with my dad, i dont see him anymore since he is very abusive. I don't know how to handle this situation. My older sister is 18 and she knows because i told her when i found it and showed her. She doesnt seem to care, but i do. And i dont know how long my mom has been actively doing it for.

im really scared. I dont know whats the best thing to do and i dont think leaving it to be would be best, but i dont know how to handle it. im 15 years old, and i also live with my little sister who is 13, she doesnt know. I dont know who will see this but if anyone has any advice on what i should do i would be very grateful. Thank you <3 ( i hope i post this right, i dont know how this all works and its very confusing to me )
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Old 06-22-2018, 05:12 AM
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Hi CC

I'm sorry you're in this position. You;ll certainly find advice and support here but I'm wondering is there an adult you can talk to - a relative, a friend, a teacher, maybe a pastor?

D
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Old 06-22-2018, 05:34 AM
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You are so brave and that is so much weight for your parents to have put on your shoulders. Itís not fair and itís not right. I know that doesnít help you with a concrete plan but I just wanted to mention it. Agree with previous poster. Are there any trusted family members or others you can talk to? I am so sorry. I wish I could help from afar.

ETA when your mom is in a good frame of mind could you mention it to her? She doesnít want you to go to foster care any more than you do but it sounds like she needs help to quit. Maybe it would motivate her? Not sure. You know her better. Just a thought.
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Old 06-22-2018, 06:07 AM
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This is not your fault. Itís not, and itís not your responsibility to fix.

Itís hers.

Youíre in a really tough position. And unfortunately, things usually donít immediately get better when dealing with an addict. It could take a long time. I have some thoughts for you, but a question first. Are you safe at home? Does your mom hurt you or your little sis? Do you think sheís capable of hurting you?
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Old 06-22-2018, 06:11 AM
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I'm really sorry for your situation. We have a couple of links to resources specifically for teens and they might be helpful as a support for you:

Family Teens Group - Support For Teens Affected by Alcoholism or Addiction within the Family.

Miracles In Progress Family Teens Group - For Teens whose lives are adversely effected by Alcoholism within the Family.
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Old 06-22-2018, 07:08 AM
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i think i am safe at home. Sometimes i think my mom would hurt me because she can get scary but she never does. She has never hit me or my sister before. I also have ptsd, which makes it very hard for me to feel safe at home regardless of whats going on. Thank you for the kind words
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Old 06-22-2018, 07:12 AM
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I don't have many family members I can trust, I am out of school and pretty secluded from other family. Thank you for the kind words and advice, they are very helpful
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Old 06-22-2018, 12:28 PM
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Can you talk to your mom at all? I mean, seriously talk with her? I am sorry you are going thru this alone.
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Old 06-22-2018, 01:54 PM
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I think you are very resourceful and smart there kiddo. I'm glad you've come here to seek advice. And I'm really sorry for the situation you are in. When you go to counseling, does your mom come with you? Do you think it's something the three of you could talk about together in a session? I've just spent months in counseling with my son over my past alcohol use, counselors will do their best not to break families apart, they will only call if you are in real danger. You could always feel your therapist out first, before telling him, by asking him what his rules are for when he makes the judgement call about calling DHS.


What about your grandparents? Are they around to help you?
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Old 06-22-2018, 03:43 PM
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i realize this "discovery" has really shocked and surprised you. remember you don't have to do anything about it RIGHT NOW, it's not a fire, it's a problem.

now one thing this former crack addict was thinking.....who leaves lines??? who leaves ANY??? especially uncovered under a desk....just doesn't sound like someone super "experienced and proficient" with it all.....

obviously any drug use is upsetting, but perhaps it's not AS BAD right now. talking to your mom about this can be tricky.....chances are good she will try to deny that you see what you see, claim it's left over from New Years 1999, or just get hostile and tell you to mind your own business. but maybe she'll hear her daughter's concern and fear. i hope that is the case.
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Old 06-22-2018, 04:33 PM
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Try not to be afraid of what if's, please. Consider sharing this with your therapist who is a professional and likely will proceed in the best manner for all. While in the short term it may be tough to tell them, it is probably the best avenue for you and your little sister.

Good thoughts your way
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Old 06-22-2018, 07:25 PM
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Cc still thinking of you. Can I ask if you are out of school by choice? I just canít even imagine all you have on your young shoulders. And I hope you keep coming back.
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Old 06-22-2018, 08:46 PM
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I cant really go to my grandparents, i cant trust them enough. But i have decided to talk with my counselor about it and see if he can tell me what i should do with my mom. Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean alot to me
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Old 06-22-2018, 08:48 PM
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That sounds like a step forward cc

D
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Old 06-22-2018, 08:48 PM
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I am out of school for summer and i was out of school for about 3 months before because of mental health reasons. I have decided to bring it up with my counselor because i think i can trust him. Thank you for the support, i am very grateful
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Old 06-23-2018, 06:31 PM
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CC, I just want to say welcome. You have landed among some very good people. I think telling your counselor is a good idea. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and a good heart.

I was the mother who used, and unfortunately have two adult daughters of whom one is an alcoholic, and the other an addict. That is something I will carry the rest of my life.

Please know you are an incredible young lady, and please keep us updated. Warm hugs from Kansas!
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Old 06-23-2018, 06:59 PM
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I'm so glad you are going to talk to your counsellor and that you trust him. I think this will really be helpful for you.
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Old 06-23-2018, 08:48 PM
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Old 06-23-2018, 10:00 PM
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Welcome, cc7.

I'm so glad you posted. You made an excellent choice in reaching out for support. So much better than keeping feelings bottled up. Talking to your counselor should help as well.

Please let us know how it goes and keep posting. We have a wonderful group of people here who truly care about your well being.
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Old 06-25-2018, 09:04 AM
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
i realize this "discovery" has really shocked and surprised you. remember you don't have to do anything about it RIGHT NOW, it's not a fire, it's a problem.

now one thing this former crack addict was thinking.....who leaves lines??? who leaves ANY??? especially uncovered under a desk....just doesn't sound like someone super "experienced and proficient" with it all.....

obviously any drug use is upsetting, but perhaps it's not AS BAD right now. talking to your mom about this can be tricky.....chances are good she will try to deny that you see what you see, claim it's left over from New Years 1999, or just get hostile and tell you to mind your own business. but maybe she'll hear her daughter's concern and fear. i hope that is the case.
I had the same thought.

As a former cokehead, I always say "When do you stop doing cocaine? When it's gone. And it's 4am and your dealer has gone to sleep and you've snorted cigarette ashes on the off chance that it was blow. Then you stop." Leaving coke laying around is not the behavior of a compulsive addict.

While a parent doing drugs is of course far from ideal, there is a difference between doing an occasional line and having a full on coke habit. It may be something closer to the former. I'm not so sure people would be as concerned if a mother had an occasional glass of wine.

VERY GLAD you're talking to your therapist about this, who will probably have a good deal of insight and potential solutions. Please keep us posted.
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