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Old 06-21-2018, 07:12 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Getting past this small hump in my Sobriety


Hi everyone.

has anyone experienced a phase where what used to be working is starting to feel tedious and not very interesting?

When i started i committed to socialising more, exercising more, doing random activities etc.

now being 54 days in am not finding this at all exciting anymore. Today
i was met with a decisive moment where i was happy or contemplated to go get a drink.

In the past, i really really enjoyed to just sit at my desk, do paperwork or be on the computer and drink. I really enjoyed the solitary drinking lifestyle, this WAS my activity. ..its the truth, i enjoyed it!......BUT

i dont want to go back to it

what other options do i have now if socialising and "making friends" or going to activities is not as hyped up as it sounded at the start? in fact, I am still doing what i was always doing. I am on the computer after work for 8 hours or iam in my shed tinkering away - except the only difference is iam sober.

so looks like this is my life for now, and looks like it always was.

Ive been working like a madman to keep myself busy and out of destructive thinking, but any free time at home i avoid like the plague,

I feel like my drinking has killed my drive for life and its activities. at 54 days all i want to do is drink , and nothing else, i have no interest in much. but i have willpower and my tools and will not drink.

I wouldn't call it a life or death craving, just an uncomfortable feeling like something is missing . That must be what addiction is, your own good life with a uncomfortable feeling you cant settle with anything( only with one thing though.)
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Old 06-21-2018, 07:47 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Renvate, I am in exactly the same place you are. I am at 53 days and struggling with wanting to drink.

At first I had that "pink cloud" effect of sobriety, I was meeting so many people and going to meetings and I had this exciting feeling that I was finally doing something good.

Now...socializing isn't all that great all the time. Sometimes it feels awkward, or just boring. It feels like something is missing, you're right.

I don't wanna go back to drinking either. But sometimes I'm just not so crazy about the sober life. Somehow eating donuts and smoking cigarettes and talking to people just isn't as rivetting as drinking was.

Someone told me that the opposite of addiction is connection, and I think that's true. Even if I don't love every minute of making new friends and going to activities, it's better than drinking.

I think it's good you're posting on here. We're almost at 60 days. Let's not throw that away. I think this phase will pass.
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Old 06-21-2018, 07:56 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I wish I could give you an easy answer, Renvate. I think it's great that you posted here to ask, though. I think many of us can relate to the ups and downs you are feeling, the contradictions and tension. It's probably very common early on to feel that way, but maybe that doesn't help much to hear in the moment.. when the newness wears off. I just urge you to keep your eye on the long game.

You KNOW you don't want to go back to drinking at your computer and making that your life. Maybe it doesn't have to be socializing and being a big people person.. if you were an introvert, you can continue to be one, just throw yourself into healthier, more meaningful activity than just consuming alcohol. What were your old passions? Art, writing, photography, animals, activism? How about some new ones?

There was a time in my drinking days when I took stock and realized that if I were honest, my main hobby and interest and goal had become "wine". I even took it out to an extreme conclusion, and imagined an obituary, in which it said, "Tealily went on to become an avid wine buyer and drinker, spending all her free time waiting to drink and recovering from drinking or hiding empties. She had a promising career and artistic talents and previous wide-ranging interests and deep connections with her family, but ultimately poured herself into pouring alcohol down her throat at her computer or blindly watching TV drunk as her main occupation and hobby. This is how she will be remembered."

I chose to walk away from that. A little bit of discomfort and boredom on an occasional evening is way better than the empty, meaningless, dulled life I was living while actively drinking. You can get through this.

Drinking vs. real life

Hang in there!

Keep posting!
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Old 06-21-2018, 08:22 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hey there,

I'm at 140 days and can relate a little bit to what your going through...pure boredom.

I started doing things by myself that I couldn't do while sitting at home staring at the computer...drinking.

This is my go to list of alone activities:

Take a night drive....couldn't do that before (too drunk)
Go to the library....and find some good books (reading takes me to a new place)
Reorganize something....after years of drinking, everything needs to be tidied up.
Go to a movie or out to dinner alone......no pressure to drink (I avoid all drinking establishments, even restaurants that have large drinking areas)
Take some college classes online....I'm finishing up a degree online, keeps my mind busy!

Just some ideas....boredom while sober, is better than boredom while drunk. And being drunk is so boring!!!
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Old 06-21-2018, 08:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
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A slump in sobriety is common. Thinking about drinking and thinking about not drinking is tiring. There is a term, "recovery fatigue" that would apply, except I'm not sure what you are doing for your recovery.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Renvate View Post
...at 54 days all i want to do is drink , and nothing else, i have no interest in much. but i have willpower and my tools and will not drink.

I wouldn't call it a life or death craving, just an uncomfortable feeling like something is missing .
This sounds like discontentment with sobriety...not just a hump or slump. And if you aren't happy with being sober, what's the alternative? For many, it's drinking.

Part of recovery is learning to live and love the sober life. That doesn't always happen in 54 days, but you don't want to move backwards either. Perhaps a formal substance abuse program or face-to-face support would help...counseling. Getting checked out for depression.

Good luck.
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Old 06-21-2018, 08:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Congrats on 54 days! Hang on to that for dear life. That in and of itself is huge.

I can share my personal experience. I learned early on, childhood, that I had to be happy. And what is happy? Well that was defined by all this external stimulus. I was supposed to be laughing, social, at ease, liked. I was supposed to own a bunch of stuff that my consumer culture told me would make me happy. I was supposed to look good, have money, be successful, be liked. Gee, what could possibly be wrong?

Noone, no thing, no car, no house, no person, no party, no drug, no food can actually make me be ok with me. Its all external and its all temporary. Once the rush wears off I'm still just me, looking at me.

I have learned that contentment is a state of being. Happy? Sad? Those are feelings and they end or change....constantly.

This life thing is an inside job. Doing the right thing daily builds esteem. And it takes time. You've already received practical advice for doing external things to change your mood. That helps. But acceptance that moods just are. Finding contentment comes from within. Life really is made up of a lot of routine. Finding a few things that bring joy is important. But just being, as opposed to doing, is an important skill to master.
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Old 06-21-2018, 09:07 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Congrats on 54 days! Hang on to that for dear life. That in and of itself is huge.

I can share my personal experience. I learned early on, childhood, that I had to be happy. And what is happy? Well that was defined by all this external stimulus. I was supposed to be laughing, social, at ease, liked. I was supposed to own a bunch of stuff that my consumer culture told me would make me happy. I was supposed to look good, have money, be successful, be liked. Gee, what could possibly be wrong?

Noone, no thing, no car, no house, no person, no party, no drug, no food can actually make me be ok with me. Its all external and its all temporary. Once the rush wears off I'm still just me, looking at me.

I have learned that contentment is a state of being. Happy? Sad? Those are feelings and they end or change....constantly.

This life thing is an inside job. Doing the right thing daily builds esteem. And it takes time. You've already received practical advice for doing external things to change your mood. That helps. But acceptance that moods just are. Finding contentment comes from within. Life really is made up of a lot of routine. Finding a few things that bring joy is important. But just being, as opposed to doing, is an important skill to master.
Appreciate this, Frickaflip. Wise words here. Thank you.
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Old 06-21-2018, 09:50 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I’m only at 5 weeks sober and am starting to feel this way too😓. I now know what is meant by the “pink cloud”. Keep with it, and know you aren’t alone! This too shall pass...
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Old 06-21-2018, 09:55 AM   #9 (permalink)
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The first 6 months was really hard for me. I don't need to be social and I drank both out and at home. I've worked in bars my entire life and currently my wife and I own a wine bar/restaurant so booze is always around me.

Giving up alcohol was a life or death decision for me, fear of death ended up being a pretty strong motivator but it was still very hard and I've had my share of relapses.

It took about a year for my head to clear up.
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Old 06-21-2018, 10:23 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I'm on day 62. Although grateful, I too find myself bored as hell. I'm sure the insomnia has a lot to do with. I often remind myself that my brain is healing and it will take patience. It's frustrating but at least I'm sober.
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Old 06-21-2018, 10:54 AM   #11 (permalink)
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That must be what addiction is, your own good life with a uncomfortable feeling you cant settle with anything
Actually, I think that's what life is.

For decades I had this notion in my head that if I was uncomfortable that meant I had a problem that needed to be fixed. (My super easy fix came in a bottle, but you probably knew that...)

I think about it differently now. Change is uncomfortable. Sometimes it's REALLY uncomfortable. If you want to change, you're going to have some discomfort. If you're having some discomfort - you might just be changing.

Discomfort is part of my journey. I won't hide from it any longer.
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Old 06-21-2018, 11:59 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I agree that life is not always comfortable and it isn't meant to be. I feel lucky that I never experienced the pink cloud. My early recovery was slowly but surely doing two or three things that I enjoyed. I enjoying socializing with family and close friends but I don't feel a need to socialize. I think we are often pushed to believe that being an extrovert is something we should be. I found this book really helpful: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:04 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Actually, I think that's what life is.

For decades I had this notion in my head that if I was uncomfortable that meant I had a problem that needed to be fixed. (My super easy fix came in a bottle, but you probably knew that...)

I think about it differently now. Change is uncomfortable. Sometimes it's REALLY uncomfortable. If you want to change, you're going to have some discomfort. If you're having some discomfort - you might just be changing.

Discomfort is part of my journey. I won't hide from it any longer.
I agree with this..Before booze became my primary 'focus', whenever I was 'unhappy/bored' I thought a new 'toy' would do the trick. If I just get that nice SUV, I'll be happy. Buys SUV..'happy' for a while..Then If I just get that boat, I'll be happy..buys boat..happy for a while..I need to get a new sports car THEN I'll be happy,buys corvette..happy for a while..same with gf's,houses,business ventures,ect..Truth is I wasn't happy with my self. I did some serious self reflection when I got sober. A bandaid over a gaping wound doesn't work for long. You have to find out what it is you're really searching for. Lately I'm most at peace and happy with myself when I help others. I still have 'toys',but they don't really bring me happiness. They're nice,but it's nothing in the grand scheme of things. Therapy helped me a lot with this and I only went a handful of times because she said I seem to "know what I need to do, you just need to do it." I'll also say that looking for comfort in people,places and things is in a way expecting them to 'fix' you..that's not fair and likely not going to work for long. It's on you to 'fix' yourself. Whether that be F2F support,spiritualy,ect.. It's nobody's responsibility,but yours.

Edit: what Frick said,basically(I didn't read the thread before posting )
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Part of what helped me hang on to sobriety early on was looking at the good things that were beginning to happen in my life (however small they may be) that I wouldn't have had if I was still drinking. While I was drinking, I was constantly shooting myself in the foot by making poor decisions while either drunk, or wanting to be drunk. Both of them had the ability to derail sane thinking. So when I wake up in the morning now, and there's a little money left in my checking to pay that bill cuz I didn't blow it on booze, I think, there's something I couldn't have done if I was still drinking. Or when someone calls me and needs a hand with something and I can because I'm not three sheets to the wind. Just a couple (seemingly) little examples, but they add up over time. Quickly. When I learned to recognize them, it became much easier to embrace and enjoy recovery. Hope this helps!
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Old 06-21-2018, 12:12 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Love the hard-earned wisdom in this place.

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Old 06-21-2018, 03:22 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Thanks guys. Some wise words here.

Simply putting it I really enjoy sober life, I don't want to throw it away and won't.

Boredom sounds like the best term to use, I should of just said that in my thread.

In regards to activities, I am a longtime woodworker, unfortunately my current living arrangements has got all my tools in storage. I might set up a noise free workshop with only handtools.

Ahh that endless search for inner peace. You think you found it, but It seems to disguise itself every year.
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Old 06-21-2018, 05:34 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Thanks guys. Some wise words here.

Simply putting it I really enjoy sober life, I don't want to throw it away and won't.

Boredom sounds like the best term to use, I should of just said that in my thread.

In regards to activities, I am a longtime woodworker, unfortunately my current living arrangements has got all my tools in storage. I might set up a noise free workshop with only handtools.

Ahh that endless search for inner peace. You think you found it, but It seems to disguise itself every year.
I'll suggest seeing if there's a cabinet/table/chair maker or something of the sorts in your area to either apprentice at or get some part time work. Don't force meeting people just because..meet people with similar interests.
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Old 06-21-2018, 06:35 PM   #18 (permalink)
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some great posts here Renvate

Even now I get disenchanted with life.


I'm never in danger of drinking anymore but that disenchanted feeling isn't a nice one to have.

For a long time I thought having those feelings meant maybe I was doing something wrong - then I realised I'd never sat with these kinds of feelings before - I'd drunk them away instead or tried to.

Its just life I think. Noone can be busy and occupied and productive or stimulated every hour of the day, or every day of the week.

Not everyday can be spectacular, as I once thought it must be for non drinkers.

Sometimes I have to add to my life and sometimes I have to take things out ion order to move on.

Sometimes I just have to tread water a little til I work things out

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Old 06-22-2018, 02:21 AM   #19 (permalink)
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I wish I could give you an easy answer, Renvate. I think it's great that you posted here to ask, though. I think many of us can relate to the ups and downs you are feeling, the contradictions and tension. It's probably very common early on to feel that way, but maybe that doesn't help much to hear in the moment.. when the newness wears off. I just urge you to keep your eye on the long game.

You KNOW you don't want to go back to drinking at your computer and making that your life. Maybe it doesn't have to be socializing and being a big people person.. if you were an introvert, you can continue to be one, just throw yourself into healthier, more meaningful activity than just consuming alcohol. What were your old passions? Art, writing, photography, animals, activism? How about some new ones?

There was a time in my drinking days when I took stock and realized that if I were honest, my main hobby and interest and goal had become "wine". I even took it out to an extreme conclusion, and imagined an obituary, in which it said, "Tealily went on to become an avid wine buyer and drinker, spending all her free time waiting to drink and recovering from drinking or hiding empties. She had a promising career and artistic talents and previous wide-ranging interests and deep connections with her family, but ultimately poured herself into pouring alcohol down her throat at her computer or blindly watching TV drunk as her main occupation and hobby. This is how she will be remembered."

I chose to walk away from that. A little bit of discomfort and boredom on an occasional evening is way better than the empty, meaningless, dulled life I was living while actively drinking. You can get through this.

Drinking vs. real life

Hang in there!

Keep posting!
I think this is BRILLIANT ...Thank you
Such inspiring words x
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Old 06-22-2018, 03:48 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Boredom sounds like the best term to use, I should of just said that in my thread.
I find boredom highly uncomfortable.

I have never been comfortable doing nothing. Probably why I resisted meditation for so long - it looked a lot like doing nothing. Now that I have learned the benefits of meditating, I need a lot of practice at it. Sitting still and focusing on the present are unnatural acts for me.

Retraining my brain remains a challenge, but I like a good challenge.
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