GreatInquiry7

I've tried to stop multiple times, and have for months at a time, weeks at a time.

Every time when I start to feel good I go for a couple and completely go off the rails for 5-10+ days and when I come back I'm pretty useless for 3 days and start from 1 again.

I'm beginning to think its because in my mind I haven't 100% committed to life, and maybe its because when I do start to feel good I don't catch myself before I slip, and then... it happens. Either just because, or stress, or because "I need it on a date or to be social".

And each time seems to get heavier than last along with the anxiety afterwards. I don't want it to happen again, knowing it could be even worse. I am lucky I haven't lost much but money and peace of mind up until now.

I'm a few days since the last at this point.

Any suggestions?

Lizajane

GreatInquiry
Are you following any type of program? Just quitting and white knuckling usually ends with relapse and start again.

GreatInquiry7

Just quitting and white knuckling right now as that's my personality to do things on my own from business, to relationships, etc. I know it may not be the best.

I fully respect AA and everything it has done for people but the philosophy for me personally is not something I can yet align with.

I'm thinking a more CBT approach or something self driven?

Lizajane

I am suggesting you work on something. Doing the same thing will likely end with the same results. My husband tried every method imaginable and rejected AA. A two year battle that ended with 2 DUIs in 24 hours, lost job and in the end, AA was his salvation. 8 years sober!
If you want to try an alternate approach, you need to TRY it! My personal quit is young right now and I am still sorting things out for myself so I get it. I hear you saying you are on your way to a relapse, so I would move on something to pre empt that. Going to a meeting is NOT a commitment. I am not a follower of the program but I have found a meeting helpful when I am feeling weak.

NerfThis

I definitely would suggest seeking outside help if white knuckling has so far not worked.

Usually, battling something on your own is basically leaving the door open so you can drink again later. By going to AA or speaking to your doctor, you are openly admitting that you have a problem, but by doing it on your own you leave yourself open to feel better down the road and 'just have one or two drinks this time' which will lead to being off the rails longer and longer each time.

doggonecarl

That's fine. But you still need a commitment to sobriety. A commitment to take drinking off the table. For good. If you can't commit to quitting, then you are leaving the door open for drinking.

eyes99

To get something different, you gotta do something different. There are all kinds of methods. The first step is to explore them. I tri d CBT based first, then really explored AA. I learned a lot from both. A lot of folks have done a mishmash of different methods like me, but you’ve got to actually dive in to see what will work for you. If you knew how to quit, you’d already be quit, no?

August252015

Good suggestions above.

I'd also add that you have to take the word "slip"- which means accidental [drinking] in this case, and that doesn't exist- with "I drank" or "relapse," and the like.

A change in mindset is important- in pretty much all areas of your life.

You can do this.

Gottalife

When I hear the word slip it conjures up an image of an alcoholic trying to climb out of a muddy hole (the alcoholic pit) with slippery sides, using only his feet. There are hands (help) the he could grab, but he prefers self reliance. He makes a successful step or two but loses traction and slips back into the mud.

When I hear the word relapse I think of an alcoholic who has found a way out of the pit for a time, but goes back, gets too close to the edge and falls in. The first is just time between drinks, the second is from a position of recovery.

Anyway, if I was you, and I once was, I would keep AA till last. Give the CBT a good shot, and try anything else that comes to mind too. Something may work.

If nothing does, and you survive, you may find that AA looks a bit more attractive.

Dee74

If you've always gone back to drinking after you feel good again, my advice would be to do something different this time GreatInquiry7

Read around the forums here - find the stories that mirror yours and maybe, start accepting that there is a problem, it's chronic, and it's not going away.

To tackle this I think we also need to accept that doing things on the fly or winging it just aren't options anymore?

Think about making a recovery action plan perhaps?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

D

Purplrks3647

I can relate, GreatInquiry....Thanks for posting....and great advice from everyone

Arpeggioh

I think acceptance is your starting point. This pattern is obviously not working for you! It never worked for most of us...