Lately I've been having some thoughts creep back into my brain. My AV talking, I suppose. It feels like it's the devil talking to me.
"Why don't you just take one drink? "
"Go get a bottle of wine. No one is home. No one will know."
"Do you really want to be sober for the REST of your life?"
Why am I having these thoughts?! I'm 53 days sober and I've been doing great. Why would I throw it all away now?
Anyone else have these thoughts? It scares me, but sometimes I want to listen.
...... the old, insidious insanity - that first drink. One definition of insanity is when a sober alcoholic picks up that first drink. Today I don't have to act on that thought. I nod as it passes by me searching the universe for someone willing. We witness it daily - a little time and the act of picking up that first drink. Plenty who will. I certainly did many times.
Ya know, the results worsened over time. Finally, the obstacles to my sobriety were removed - love of family, job, house etc.
Keep trudgin
Unless you're cured, of course .......
Best
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I didn't really have that experience after I committed to AA. By 58 days, I would say I was at step 5 and things were really changing. If I had hung back, like so many do, I am sure that the obsession would have come back. It always did before.
Having taken those steps and incorporated those principles in my life I find I am not alone in my sobriety. The fact that God and the steps stand firmly between me and the next drink, means I have not had any serious thoughts of drinking since... I got into God and the steps.
What is your progress in this area. Meetings are good as far as they go, but they are not the AA program of recovery.
__________________
Mike.
What you most need will be found where you least want to look
All BB quotes from 1st Edition.
