A fugitive from my own life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
A fugitive from my own life
is what I was until I finally gave up alcohol. I'm going to suffer the consequences of the addiction I gave into for many years to come, but already, even just a few months out, I feel differently about myself and the relationship I have to my own life.
I was in hiding. The demented twins of fear and lethargy hounded me. I ran from responsibility. I avoided the truth. I cheated on my self and my family. I stole time and, thereby, lost time.
Alcohol demanded total sacrifice. So I sacrificed, over and over, to alcohol. I put booze ahead of my family, my passions, my dreams, my work, my obligations - in the end it's your own soul that is sacrificed to booze.
And by soul, I don't mean something religious, at least not for me, though I can imagine it might mean that for some of us. For me, my soul is that part of myself that drew me to SR, it's the part that kept getting up from the bathroom floor and, even in the face of years of failure, kept trying to quit the poison.
And so finally I've stopped running from my life, in the service of alcohol. I am no longer a fugitive from my own life. I'm no longer a prisoner, captive, slave.
It takes work, and for me it took years. But it is such a better life, with all the pain and suffering inevitable, such a better life sober. There is freedom and peace, and even hope.
I was in hiding. The demented twins of fear and lethargy hounded me. I ran from responsibility. I avoided the truth. I cheated on my self and my family. I stole time and, thereby, lost time.
Alcohol demanded total sacrifice. So I sacrificed, over and over, to alcohol. I put booze ahead of my family, my passions, my dreams, my work, my obligations - in the end it's your own soul that is sacrificed to booze.
And by soul, I don't mean something religious, at least not for me, though I can imagine it might mean that for some of us. For me, my soul is that part of myself that drew me to SR, it's the part that kept getting up from the bathroom floor and, even in the face of years of failure, kept trying to quit the poison.
And so finally I've stopped running from my life, in the service of alcohol. I am no longer a fugitive from my own life. I'm no longer a prisoner, captive, slave.
It takes work, and for me it took years. But it is such a better life, with all the pain and suffering inevitable, such a better life sober. There is freedom and peace, and even hope.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily...7e7adee45ff596
Linked by permission AA World Services Inc.
your timing is impeccable. Yesterday's AA daily reflection was precisely on this point:
A FELLOWSHIP OF FREEDOM
. . . if only men were granted absolute liberty, and were compelled to obey no one, they would then voluntarily associate themselves in the common interest.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 50
When I no longer live under the dictates of another or of alcohol, I live in a new freedom. When I release the past and all the excess baggage I have carried for so very long, I come to know freedom. I have been introduced into a life and a fellowship of freedom. The Steps are a "recommended" way of finding a new life, there are no commands or dictates in A.A. I am free to serve from desire rather than decree. There is the understanding that I will benefit from the growth of other members and I take what I learn and bring it back to the group. The "common welfare" finds room to grow in the society of personal freedom.
Linked by permission AA World Services Inc.
your timing is impeccable. Yesterday's AA daily reflection was precisely on this point:
A FELLOWSHIP OF FREEDOM
. . . if only men were granted absolute liberty, and were compelled to obey no one, they would then voluntarily associate themselves in the common interest.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 50
When I no longer live under the dictates of another or of alcohol, I live in a new freedom. When I release the past and all the excess baggage I have carried for so very long, I come to know freedom. I have been introduced into a life and a fellowship of freedom. The Steps are a "recommended" way of finding a new life, there are no commands or dictates in A.A. I am free to serve from desire rather than decree. There is the understanding that I will benefit from the growth of other members and I take what I learn and bring it back to the group. The "common welfare" finds room to grow in the society of personal freedom.
Last edited by Dee74; 06-19-2018 at 04:58 PM.
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