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Back to day 1, what's wrong with me

Old 06-18-2018, 11:02 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hello Mummyto2
Firstly, DAY 1 is MUCH better than day zero. MUCH. That was yesterday. Unsafe and scary, but it is over. WHEW. You made it. Now forward thinking ok? You just don't want to go there again. Not remembering is a horribly, anxious state but no matter what you got up to, you are home safe now. So count your blessings and make a new plan. Last one, did not work. So you need something new. I can almost guarantee if you quit the same way you did last time, the same thing will happen. By your title, I assume it is safe to assume you have children. My first quit that lasted 3 years was focused on them. I looked at their faces and promised they would always have a sober parent to care for them. The only way to make that happen, was for me to be that parent. I don't know what your mindset needs to be to keep your resolve, but that was mine. Keep posting and build your plan dear one.
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Old 06-18-2018, 11:35 AM
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Do you have a plan, Mummyto2? It could make all the difference in the world.

Here is a link to a great thread;

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...highlight=Psst (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
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Old 06-18-2018, 11:41 AM
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Thank you, I am trying to figure out a better plan, maybe more exercise, I hate seeing my children's faces, and when I say I will try again they just say you said that before, it's heartbreaking
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Old 06-18-2018, 11:54 AM
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There are some folks that are successful in learning
to live life sober on their own and there are others
who have tried countless times, including me, and
just couldn't get it. Tried and failed too many times.

So, many have taken the step and entered
themselves into treatment to have those
capable, stronger, more knowledgeable to
teach us about our addiction and give us the
tools to take home with us to incorporate
in our daily lives.

For some of us who need that help, that
extra care, support, understanding, communication,
whatever we were lacking and couldn't get
it on our own, placed ourselves into those
hands for help.

I didn't get the help on my own at first
because I didn't think I was that sick.
As stubborn as I was, never needing help
from others, wanting to do it myself, was
in complete denial, sick in my addiction
disease to see thru the fog, that my loved
ones sought the help for me.

It was them doing for me what I couldn't,
didn't want to do for myself. They saved
my life because they cared that much
for me.

If you want to live and not die then go
get help and enter a recovery program
with face to face professionals and not
the computer.

Sending love, care and concern your way.
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Old 06-18-2018, 12:00 PM
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Thank you
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Old 06-18-2018, 01:55 PM
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Hello, Mummy. It is horrifying, this feeling of being out of control, of not remembering what happened. The good news is you need never feel that way again. Make this your last day one and do what it takes to quit drink for good. I needed lots of help to get and stay sober and for me that included inpatient rehab and doing things that flew me far out of my comfort zone. I wish you all the best in making the rest of your life decent and sober for you and your children. It's so worth it and the beauty of a life you can only dream of is so, so close, very near--just don't drink, sweetie--you can do this!
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Old 06-18-2018, 01:57 PM
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Thank you so much
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Old 06-18-2018, 03:00 PM
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Glad you're here. What are you going to do differently this time? Maybe try 90 meetings and 90 days, get a sponsor?

Hang in there. It is tough. I always have the urge to relapse. We can fight this together.
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Old 06-18-2018, 03:19 PM
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When the urge starts creeping in and slowly starts increasing to the point where you are a few minutes from caving in, drink a a pint of milk/lemonade/coke.

This will buy you some time, time for the urge to go away again.

This giving up alcohol lark is all about time!
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Old 06-18-2018, 03:22 PM
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Thanks, going to seek help this time, can't do it any other way, tried countless times
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Old 06-18-2018, 04:04 PM
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Mummy: no shame in using th pills you were prescribed tooŚ not sure what they are but if your GP gave them to you then maybe they will help. You can do this!
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Old 06-18-2018, 04:05 PM
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Old 06-18-2018, 05:31 PM
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Hi and welcome back Mummy

I really had to put conscious effort into not drinking..otherwise just going with the flow meant I'd drink.

Have you considered other meeting based support like AA or SMART or LifeRing?

It might be good to go back to your Dr and be honest too?

D
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Old 06-18-2018, 05:33 PM
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Thanks Dee, I have smart, going to try anything and everything now
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Old 06-19-2018, 06:51 AM
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Hey M2, I was just reading your avatar, and I thought it matched my own experience very closely. I had kind of got beyond not drinking. I was that befuddled I just wanted the misery to stop and I was willing to do anything to make that possible. I suppose I had the gift of desperation. AA likens it to the desperation of a drowning man clutching onto the life preserver. I don't know if there is a metaphor too extreme to illustrate the true desperation of the alcoholic who really wants to stop, but can't.

Your avatar remnded me what I did at the start of my recovery, and what was the focus of my mind. It wasn't on not drinking i.e. fighting the old. Not drinking is still about drinking and is really still an effort at control.

Instead I was head down focussed on building the new and, strangely enough, while I was doing that I didn't think much about drinking at all. I was still drawn to my old alcoholic life for a time, but the compulsion seemed to go away, and it never came back. My choice of recovery method was the last cab in the rank so to speak. Nothing else had worked and there was nothing more to try. So.. desperation of drowning man, did whatever was suggested, whether I understood it or not (understanding came later) and it worked.

If you are already into smart, perhaps bring that total desparation there and do everything that is suggested. Give it 110%. And build the new.
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Old 06-19-2018, 06:57 AM
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Thanks, yes the desperation of it all is awful, ive spent today cooking, cleaning and just keeping busy for now
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