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Old 06-18-2018, 04:55 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Parents coming to end of life Ex has cancer


What is the point? Everyone around me is dying. I have a new date and my neighbour told me he is in hospital with cancer. Finally the truth after months of lies and excuses. How do I deal with it. He wants me to move on and forget him. How can I. It's not in my character. My mother is half dead. I am half dead . I am slowly getting better day by day. I ignored all the accusing posts. Just sad people. Whats the point? We all end up dead one day anyway.
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Old 06-18-2018, 05:22 AM   #2 (permalink)
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The point is that you could have many, many days before you go, Sweeti. Years and years. We don’t get to choose what happens to people we care about, we only get to choose how we treat ourselves. You deserve to have an amazing life, however long that means.
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Old 06-18-2018, 06:13 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I just lost a post so I'll try to recap

I lost hope for a lot of years. I convinced my self there was not point in getting sober because I was disabled and things would just get worse anyway.

Then I nearly died.

I looked at my life and I decided not only that I deserved better, but I deserved to give myself better.

If we all must die, then I'll die on my feet not my knees, thanks.

The funny thing is even tho I have more health problems now that I had then and even less mobility, I'm happy, I'm productive and I have hope for the future

I know that if I get hit by that bus tomorrow I've tried to make a difference to my own and to other peoples lives.

I think that's important - and I think deep down you want to say the same sweetichick...

and I really believe that you can, if you want to and you're willing to work hard.

I hope you'll stay sober and give yourself the chance

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Old 06-18-2018, 06:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I always liked the way Uncle Walt said it:

Quote:
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse
.
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Old 06-18-2018, 06:51 AM   #5 (permalink)
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There are still a lot of bright spots in life, even with all the pain, sweetiechick. You can only be the best sweetiechick you can be.

I found that when I was sober and could be of more help to others, my life had more meaning and joy.
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Old 06-19-2018, 03:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Thanks for all the kind words guys.
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Old 06-19-2018, 06:30 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hello:

Why are you letting your “ex” or “neighbor”, tormentor whatever he is, still be around?

The fact that he brings you nothing positive has been established.

You are letting all this happening and YOU have the power to stop it.

So he contacts you and causes turmoil. Stop his access to you, stop the turmoil.

And yes, we all end up dead, but what about what happens while you are alive.

I hope you find the strength to love yourself over everyone else!
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Old 06-19-2018, 06:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Wouldn't you prefer to know if someone you once loved was dying? It doesn't mean I am going to see him. He has his two wives now and step children around him. His wishes are to enjoy the time he has left and wants me to go away and enjoy my life. At least he won't be back to bother me. And the only reason I tolerated him is in case he moves back in with his aunty across the road again. Hopefully he will be dead before that happens.
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Old 06-19-2018, 07:28 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I can see you have some deep ambivalence about some people sweetichick.

I felt that way too when I was drinking and for a while after - I both loved someone and resented them for other things.

I was emotionally closed off and even cold.

I didn't want to be that way,

I don't think you want to be that way either.

Change is possible

In any case it makes any idea about drinking over this guy a non-starter so that's a good thing

D
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Old 06-19-2018, 07:36 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Thanks Dee.
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Old 06-19-2018, 07:41 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I am probably overreacting because my heart test with the cardiologist is on Monday.
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Old 06-19-2018, 07:43 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I know thats scary - but in my experience, the fear beforehand is usually much worse than the actual results

Good luck
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:26 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Thanks again Dee.
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Old 06-20-2018, 10:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
Wouldn't you prefer to know if someone you once loved was dying? .
No. I have come to realize that people come into your life and then leave and that is OK. Since I started working on sobriety about four years ago I started learning about boundaries and all the people that brought me hurt I cut out of my life. That does not mean I don’t love them, that just means I love myself more and I am not willing to put myself through any hurt or pain because of them. I have that power to set that boundary and that is that. It has been so liberating to know that these people will never contact me again and that I will never have to hear from them. Do I wish things were different? That I could have a relationship with some of these people and that they acted another way and didn’t hurt me? Absolutely! But the truth and reality is that they are not so I have to accept that and then take charge and set boundaries to protect myself.

I have started the journey that comes from the inside and changing myself. No more negative talk, no more focusing on others more than me. This is our only life and we determine how it is lived. I have followed your journey and I am really rooting for you !!!
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Old 06-20-2018, 04:50 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Thanks Now. I am working on boundaries. It's one thing I have always had trouble with. It was interesting to hear from someone with a lot of sobriety. Yesterday I set up boundaries to do with my parents who are unsupportive. Thanks for your support.
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Old 06-22-2018, 09:36 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Hi Sweetichick,

You've definitely got lots going on, I'm glad you are here and posting. I think you will feel better after your cardiologist appointment, sometimes fear of the unknown is the worst part of it. Hopefully you can come up with a plan to address your heart issues.

I'm sorry your mom isn't doing well, the best thing you can do for her is keep making positive choices for you.

How are you doing with your sobriety?
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