Why we fail...and what to do about it.
 

I have skimmed many of the recent posts. People frustrated with relapses after a month or two. People completely depleted with themselves after failing. Why, why, why? Why did I think it, why did I act on it? Why, when I was doing so good and feeling so great!?

I asked myself these very questions every time I relapsed. I was disgusted with myself, and I felt alone and wanted to give up. I thought I could control it. I thought I could be normal. I thought of every excuse to drink, but I didn’t truly embrace sobriety for life. Years of not drinking seemed like a mundane and impossible task.

Alcohol is socially acceptable. People need it with dinner, on a date, or to create memories with friends. We can’t bear the thought of never having the buzz again. Alcohol is a temporary cure for everything. It is always there for us when others are not. It numbs our pain, and makes us relax after a hard day at work. Seems like no big deal...

What alcohol really does to us far outweighs any justification we may have in using it. Failed marriages and relationships, job loss, physical health detriotion, fatigue, increased anxiety, increased depression, mishandling of stress, isolation, and the list goes on.

We have been dealt a different hand than most. We have addictive personalities. We have lost control of our minds while drinking, and our bodies have formed around our habit. Our mind is complex, and has been wired to live off the bottle. Just as brushing our teeth, we drink because it’s the natural thing to do. We created the habit, and it can seem impossible to get rid of. For most it is, but are you most? Are you going to be the statistic of alcohol? Another one gone from the bottle? Or, are you going to be the minority? The one who completely overcomes all odds?

Relapses are not an option for us, and they can be deadly. We spiral out of control. Controlling this thing isn’t easy. It’s hell... But, we have choices in life. We have a choice to get cream or no cream in our coffee. We have a choice on what to eat for dinner. Our lives are filled with both moral and unmoral choices everyday. Do you go the speed limit, or speed? Do you hold the door open for strangers?

You have control, and you have a choice to not drink. Temptations are the work of evil. They’re always surrounded with unmoral choices. As humans, it can sometimes be easier to do the wrong thing than the right thing. We give in, because our mind has control over us. We don’t think about the future, we only think about right now. The satisfaction it will give us, and the temporary happiness we may receive. We throw everything good into the wind, because it doesn’t matter at that very point in time.

When alcohol no longer dictates your thought process, control, and action..you will have beat it. You’re on alcohols game board and it controls the moves. You’re just one of millions of pawns while drinking. You must take the role of the game board..control where the pieces go, instead of being the piece that is told where to go. It’s vital for your survival.

Relapses, in my opinion, are due to an alcoholic being mentally unprepared. Sobriety is extremely mental. The urges, temptations, and thoughts consume us. Re-teaching our brain is important and absolutely essential. Alcohol is not an option, just as stealing from a homeless person or cussing someone out in church wouldn’t be an option for most of us. We morally can’t do it, and need to accept that.

Make a list of everything you have lost with alcohol. Whether it be, health, family, friends, etc. The actions that caused you embarrassment and made you look bad. Anything you can think of.

Anytime you want a drink, pull that list out. Remember, alcohol has done nothing positive for you. It has done nothing positive for any of us. When you feel an urge, read that entire list. Is that who you want to be? It’s truly not YOU, it’s only YOU while drinking.

If you take that first drink, you are accepting all of those bad things. You are giving up, and letting alcohol win the game.

Is it easy? No. But, you have the choice.

Whether you drink alcoholicly,problematic or 'normally'.. It's 110% easier and cheaper to cut out the 'middleman' and just not drink/drug. Money back gurantee!!

Great post, thank you

Your post certainly resonates with me. I have had a rough go for years. Lost jobs, relationships, ruined finances. I have had a couple 6 month sober periods in the last 6-7 years. It's 3am here and I haven't really slept all weekend. Can't just seem to turn my mind off and stop the negative thinking. Having a couple beers brings temporary relief from the relentess anxiety that is really hard for me to control. Psychological torture. All I want is a couple hours not to feel this way and get a little sleep. It's so hard not to grab that beer.

Yeah I remember feeling like that too WastedLife.

Intellectually I knew I had a choice (at least *sometimes* when I was sober I knew that) but practically I didn't really know how to live my life without drinking.

I had to take a leap of faith, fix what I could and face the rest.

There was a lot of fear and a hell-ton of discomfort...but I took it day by day in the beginning.

I used this place a lot too - every day - and eventually I had a string of sober days behind me, I was growing ever more capable at dealing with unpleasant things, and forever wasn't as scary anymore :)

I really think if I can do it anyone can :)

D