PeacefulWater12

Thanks kind of you, Dee, thanks. Your answer was thoughtful and caring as always.

My nervousness was caused by me worrying that maybe I was the only one who felt upset by the issue I raised. That maybe I was mistaken or making a fuss about nothing.

It is a big deal for me to speak up about something that concerns me, glad I did.



I live with an active drinker, it isnt safe to express any opinions I may have! So I tend to live in "Detach with Love" so stay quiet.

entropy1964

I've been around forums now for a few years so I'm less sensitive than I was when I first started using them. Man oh man, I used to get really wrapped up. I mean, I would log off and fume about some perceived abuse. I learned the hard way that this was actually one of my biggest challenges to staying sober. I took EVERYTHING personally. I mean, its all about me right? haha. I am actually grateful that I was a part of a forum (not this one) where being slapped around was an art form. And I did my fair share of slapping. I learned to listen to what was being said, to understand that sometimes (not always) the stuff that hurt the most was exactly what I needed to hear. The fluffy stuff, while nice, I honestly didn't learn from. A person on that forum told me to read posts like I'm reading stereo instructions. Detach, read, listen. Don't project. Ignore the posts that are rude. After all, that is a reflection on the poster not the reader. People that are mean or destructive are usually hurting more. Hurt people hurt people.

That being said, I find I respond best to posts where people share from their own experience. They share using "I" not we or you or should. They don't dole out advice, they say 'this is what I did'. Because, after all, if a person hasn't had actual experience with the poster's challenges, how can they actually give any guidance? I am stubborn. I think its a hallmark of my addiction. I mean, if I actually listened to others I probably wouldn't be an addict. So I have to learn the hard way. So being told what to do? Doesn't usually work. Hearing what someone else did? I have a choice as to whether or not to listen.

I make mistakes all the time, but I try to share what I've experienced. I know that isn't always the case. So I just invite others to share in the "I". If I don't have experience with the post, well, don't post.

And another poster here, who also posted on the 'azz kicking' forum', used to say something like, "I ask myself, is my post helpful, hurtful or harmful? " That's not the right words, but if the post isn't helpful, don't post it. Its not a contest to see who is the most 'recovered'.

Dee74

Gotcha PW

Thanks Frick.



good points, Thank you

D

Dandelion12

Thanks so much for the reminder.

Temperence and being more aware are things Im working on actively.

rstwaazhd

Hi! I'm new here and honestly this is the last place I thought I'd be when I got married 7 years ago to a man that had been sober for 15 years. Thank you for having a place for me to hopefully get some support if I can figure out how to get the support!

Dee74

Hi and welcome rstwaazhd

This is a supportive community and we work hard to keep it that way.

You'll probably get more responses if you start your own thread tho?

Great to have you aboard!

D

Dee74

Time for another bump.

I know this is probably the most uncertain and unsettled time many of us have faced in our recovery, but I think everyone can show their best

Remember we're all on the same side - straight talking constructive posts are fine ...but bullying, hostile or abusive language, ridicule or interrogatory or sarcastic tones are not.

Those things have no place in our forum.

Dee
Administrator
SR

Delilah1

Thanks for always being a voice off reason and calm in the storm Dee!!♥️