Wheeeeee!!! The recovery roller coaster is FUN!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Horn95 
I am at it, but science is science. Synapses and neurotransmitters are fried. But AA is part of the healing.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
One of the greatest benefits I have experienced in sobriety is the calmness and serenity. The drunken cycle of madness is quelled. At first it is confused with boredom, but that soon subsides as well. Keep at it Horn.
ps. I post this just to demonstrate that I see in your posts that your mind is racing and all over the place.....totally normal.
ps. I post this just to demonstrate that I see in your posts that your mind is racing and all over the place.....totally normal.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
Oh Horn! You need to take a few deep breaths and find your center. Detach with love. Remember the codependency dance, review how dynamics go. Allow her to detach as well. You can be together in the same room and still feel love but let quiet be natural. She doesn't always need to be gushy lovey dovey at all times. Remember, she is balancing four children and a mother in law along with you. Know that you are in this inner sanctum of family with her. Allow for some silence and just be a quiet presence when you feel the anxiety. Most of us women will tell you what we need or want. A good start to a healthy convo would be, "are you doing okay?" or "anything you need from me right now sweetie?" then go out in your garage and rearrange your tools! lol
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by Ladysadie
Oh Horn! You need to take a few deep breaths and find your center. Detach with love. Remember the codependency dance, review how dynamics go. Allow her to detach as well. You can be together in the same room and still feel love but let quiet be natural. She doesn't always need to be gushy lovey dovey at all times. Remember, she is balancing four children and a mother in law along with you. Know that you are in this inner sanctum of family with her. Allow for some silence and just be a quiet presence when you feel the anxiety. Most of us women will tell you what we need or want. A good start to a healthy convo would be, "are you doing okay?" or "anything you need from me right now sweetie?" then go out in your garage and rearrange your tools! lol
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by tomsteve
i understand the science behind it- i did a lot of studying,too. it was good to have that info, but it was the steps were how i recovered.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 958
Horn, I like the second to last line in your original post: hang on to your sobriety for dear life.
I think if you trust in that decision everything else will work itself out in time. You know that you cannot control the future. You may have to just be a peace with uncertainty for a while.
I think if you trust in that decision everything else will work itself out in time. You know that you cannot control the future. You may have to just be a peace with uncertainty for a while.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hey horn
Acceptance. It's a huge concept and pretty much the foundation of my abstinence. AA definitely helped start me on the path of accepting everything as it is. Doesn't mean I sit back passively and let life pass me by. But literally the only thing I can impact are my feelings, thoughts and actions. Nothing external to me will ultimately heal my internal injuries.
It's so hard early on because the shame and guilt I feel is almost unbearable. But if I stay sober, no matter what, and do the right thing, even when no one is looking, I begin to feel better. It's hard, because it takes time. And no amount of apologies matter. No amount of "do you still love me's?" Help. It's an internal thing. My daughter will probably never trust me with respect to alcohol. I accept that. She doesn't even care that I'm sober......not like I do. Because being sober is like having a pulse. It's a minimum expectation. She sure cares when I'm drunk tho! And that's just how it works.
Stay sober. Work on acceptance. Focus on your behavior. The rest will simply be.
Acceptance. It's a huge concept and pretty much the foundation of my abstinence. AA definitely helped start me on the path of accepting everything as it is. Doesn't mean I sit back passively and let life pass me by. But literally the only thing I can impact are my feelings, thoughts and actions. Nothing external to me will ultimately heal my internal injuries.
It's so hard early on because the shame and guilt I feel is almost unbearable. But if I stay sober, no matter what, and do the right thing, even when no one is looking, I begin to feel better. It's hard, because it takes time. And no amount of apologies matter. No amount of "do you still love me's?" Help. It's an internal thing. My daughter will probably never trust me with respect to alcohol. I accept that. She doesn't even care that I'm sober......not like I do. Because being sober is like having a pulse. It's a minimum expectation. She sure cares when I'm drunk tho! And that's just how it works.
Stay sober. Work on acceptance. Focus on your behavior. The rest will simply be.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Hey horn
Acceptance. It's a huge concept and pretty much the foundation of my abstinence. AA definitely helped start me on the path of accepting everything as it is. Doesn't mean I sit back passively and let life pass me by. But literally the only thing I can impact are my feelings, thoughts and actions. Nothing external to me will ultimately heal my internal injuries.
It's so hard early on because the shame and guilt I feel is almost unbearable. But if I stay sober, no matter what, and do the right thing, even when no one is looking, I begin to feel better. It's hard, because it takes time. And no amount of apologies matter. No amount of "do you still love me's?" Help. It's an internal thing. My daughter will probably never trust me with respect to alcohol. I accept that. She doesn't even care that I'm sober......not like I do. Because being sober is like having a pulse. It's a minimum expectation. She sure cares when I'm drunk tho! And that's just how it works.
Stay sober. Work on acceptance. Focus on your behavior. The rest will simply be.
Acceptance. It's a huge concept and pretty much the foundation of my abstinence. AA definitely helped start me on the path of accepting everything as it is. Doesn't mean I sit back passively and let life pass me by. But literally the only thing I can impact are my feelings, thoughts and actions. Nothing external to me will ultimately heal my internal injuries.
It's so hard early on because the shame and guilt I feel is almost unbearable. But if I stay sober, no matter what, and do the right thing, even when no one is looking, I begin to feel better. It's hard, because it takes time. And no amount of apologies matter. No amount of "do you still love me's?" Help. It's an internal thing. My daughter will probably never trust me with respect to alcohol. I accept that. She doesn't even care that I'm sober......not like I do. Because being sober is like having a pulse. It's a minimum expectation. She sure cares when I'm drunk tho! And that's just how it works.
Stay sober. Work on acceptance. Focus on your behavior. The rest will simply be.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
My daughter will probably never trust me with respect to alcohol. I accept that. She doesn't even care that I'm sober......not like I do. Because being sober is like having a pulse. It's a minimum expectation. She sure cares when I'm drunk tho!
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