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Struggling with Withdrawal?

Old 07-03-2018, 06:44 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I've got 10 days under my belt. Every morning anxiety greets me, but I think it's getting more manageable. I still feel like I'm avoiding and hiding from it. I wait until the last possible moment to get up.

Maybe if I got up and did something outside of my normal routine but the inertia is overpowering. It feels like groundhog day every day. Why do I refuse to do something, anything? I need to make a plan and force myself to do something first thing.

I work for myself which means that it's too easy to get lost in no structure or routine. I've been terrible about enforcing a routine in the mornings even though I suspect this would help me.

One thing I have been doing is forcing myself to eat. I used to eat my 5-6 meals a day...bodybuilding style eating even if offseason. Now I find it incredibly hard to eat anything. Protein, which is usually my go-to, makes me want to barf. So, I've been having a piece of toast which is better than nothing I suppose.

I've been doing a fair job of keeping busy. I read a lot, have piddled around with craft projects. I need some goals though. Something that is more concrete and spelled out.

My doctor gave me gabapentin and upped my dose of antidepressant. I took the gabapentin once but it made me so groggy I stopped. Also, I had worked hard to ween off my antidepressant over the last year or so. I went up on the dose a couple days but am now back down to my regular dose.

I also take a tiny dose of abilify (1mg) at night that I thought I had completely weaned off of. In desperation this weekend, I started taking that again and maybe it's coincidence but the crying spells let up and anxiety isn't as bad.

Am I trying to convince myself that it's not the alcohol? Idk. Still feeling tentative about my commitment to sobriety.

But, I do waiver between thinking that psychiatric drugs are a godsend or the devil. They are a b*tch to get off of. And looking back I wonder if some of my issues in my marriage weren't in part created by a combo of psychiatric drugs and their withdrawal along with alcohol and its withdrawal.

My sister gave me a book by Byron Katie called Loving What Is, so I've started reading that. Boy, do I have a lot of WORK to do! But at least I'm feeling less terrified about the future and less tormented by the past.
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Old 07-03-2018, 02:32 PM
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Hi wheekie, just dropping by to say hello.

Have you been diagnosed with depression or another illness? I'm asking since I always wonder about whether it's necessary to be on long-term meds for anything - be it mental or physical. I have high cholesterol (genetic) and I told my doc he could certainly try to prescribe me statins but I would fire him as my doc if he did. I know that's a physical not psychological health issue, but that's where I come from on patient autonomy.

We have folks here who are very happy on long term medications for psychological issues, so they certainly can work well.

It seems you are on a long-term antidepressant, as well as gabapentin, then Ablify.

Before the mods tick me off for giving medical advice, all I'm wondering is:
- Have you been diagnosed with depression or another illness to warrant the long-term medications?
- Have you ever sought a 2nd opinion on the meds?
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Old 07-03-2018, 04:17 PM
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Originally Posted by MissPerfumado View Post
Hi wheekie, just dropping by to say hello.

Have you been diagnosed with depression or another illness? I'm asking since I always wonder about whether it's necessary to be on long-term meds for anything - be it mental or physical. I have high cholesterol (genetic) and I told my doc he could certainly try to prescribe me statins but I would fire him as my doc if he did. I know that's a physical not psychological health issue, but that's where I come from on patient autonomy.

We have folks here who are very happy on long term medications for psychological issues, so they certainly can work well.

It seems you are on a long-term antidepressant, as well as gabapentin, then Ablify.

Before the mods tick me off for giving medical advice, all I'm wondering is:
- Have you been diagnosed with depression or another illness to warrant the long-term medications?
- Have you ever sought a 2nd opinion on the meds?
Yes, diagnosed with anxiety (primary) and depression as a result. So, I've been on lexapro and abilify for several years. I'm not taking the gabapentin. Both lexapro are very small doses as I've weaned myself down off of them...not completely yet. Remains to be seen...and one thing at a time.

And yes, I've gotten second opinions. They were in agreement. However, I've wondered if sex hormones, adrenals and/or thyroid have played a role after getting some weird labs. Unfortunately, mainstream medicine is very myopic and even their answer to hormone issues is anti-depressants! They won't treat thyroid until it's almost completely non-functioning and even then Synthroid is the standard protocol.

I've wanted to go to a functional or integrative medicine doc for sometime but insurance doesn't cover a lot of that and it's very expensive...if I weren't as broke as I am I would shell for it.
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