Need some help
 

My husband has been struggling with cocaine addiction very badly through my pregnancy and until my daughter was around nine months which was obviously very tough it took me to leave him for him to stop but he has turned things around now and is nearly 90 days without even alcohol.

However I have found out that after I left to go to my parents he was using very very heavily and was inviting a girl to come to our home and flirting a lot. It was quite one sided so I believe when he says nothing more happened, but he also says that he has no recollection of it.

I guess I want to hear from someone on his side to help me understand why he would behave like this and how I can deal with it without pushing him to relapse.

Clarity...you just found out that he did this a long time ago before he got clean/sober? If so...you probably don't know a lot of things he did while he was using. Addicts lie...all of them...it is part of being an addict. They also do things they would not do if they were sober. That being said, it does not excuse it. I think this new information you are uncovering is something you need to discuss with a counselor. Part of AA is asking making reparations to the people you have harmed. He has not done this and you are experiencing why it is an important part of recovery. You can't bury your head in the sand about this, but I suggest you get professional help dealing with this.

He did this right before he got sober, I'm not sure if it is part of the reason, I think that counselling is really necessary but he does not want to have any, to his credit his willpower since committing to sobriety has been fantastic. But is it easy to find help for someone in my position without the addict being present?

Yes! Al anon is for the family of alcoholics. Nar a non for family and friends of drug addicts. https://www.nar-anon.org/. Go there. Alanon was so helpful for me.

Yes, absolutely it is!

You can check out AlAnon https://al-anon.org in your town or city which would be a support for you.

Hi Trying, you said "I guess I want to hear from someone on his side to help me understand why he would behave like this"

I'm not saying I'm on his side, just that when I did coke, the only thing I could think of is who am I gonna call (for fun), it's very powerful, I'd turn into a whole different person, I hope this doesn't sound offensive, I'm just telling you what my experience was

No, not at all offensive, this was exactly what I meant I just wanted to understand from a coke users side, i just wanted to understand the mentality because through it all I trusted him not to cheat that's never really been the issue but it has hit me very hard to find out that he would try to initiate cheating