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Advice please

Old 06-16-2018, 05:59 AM
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Advice please

Hi,
Just need some advice. I’m going away for a 3 day conference as part of my job. My colleagues all drink and they do not know about my issues surrounding alcohol. They are not aware that I don’t drink. From the impression I get, the evenings will centre around drinking. My question is how can I explain I don’t drink or how can I refuse drinks without having to explain my issues. It’s important that I socialise in the evenings to network. So I can’t avoid it. Do I use the antibiotics excuse? Only prob with this is what do I say next time. I can’t constantly use the antibiotics one. I guess I’m worried to say I don’t drink as it will surprise them and then they’ll be asking why I don’t. Or do I be completely honest and just say I had to give up alcohol and not go into the details? So any tips/ advice would be great please?
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Old 06-16-2018, 06:06 AM
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There are a lot of things you can say. Sit down and write out (honest) answers that don't go into it.

First of all, no one has to be given a reason. It's simply no one's business.

"I'll have a [insert your beverage choice.]"

"Why aren't you drinking? C'mon, just one. Everyone is drinking."

"No thanks. Soda with lime, please."

"Come on, just one!"

"No, thanks. I'm good."


There are a hundred ways to say "No." Just keep repeating it. Actually I've only had one person ever go further than my first, "No." Just be committed. No one cares as much as we think they do.
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Old 06-16-2018, 08:08 AM
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It’s important that I socialise in the evenings to network.

is it? these are already work colleagues....you already network with them. if drinking is the central activity, this truly is not a bona fide opportunity to network.

it's three days. you have the right to decline any invitation, you do not need to explain any decision. as Bimini said, a simple No Thank You is more than sufficient. walking away from anyone who wishes to press the issue is also an option. the only pressure here is really in your own head......
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Old 06-16-2018, 08:17 AM
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Great advice here. The only thing I would add is that if you are being pressured and the above responses don't work, excuse yourself and walk away. It can be as simple as saying you have to use the restroom.

Also, as has been stated in other posts about this, we tend to make a bigger deal about these situations than they turn out to be. While it's good to have your responses ready, also be prepared to have people accept those responses and not make a big deal about it.

(Edit - I didn't see Anvil's reply and basically said the same thing)
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Old 06-16-2018, 08:22 AM
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I've been in your position.
What I did was order a 7 up from the bar or waiter before anyone had a chance to ask me if I wanted anything with alcohol.
I didn't feel the need to explain myself and was surprised that I had made such a big deal of thinking beforehand what I would say or do, when it came that time, no one really cared what I was drinking. They were more concerned with getting themselves pissed.

I've also seen many a person make an ass out of themselves while drunk at a function.
Personally, I didn't feel the need to explain myself. I took the initiative to not drink and it was no ones business why not. I had my 7up. That is a drink and that was all they needed to know.

Best to you, and I hope your function goes well.
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Old 06-16-2018, 08:49 AM
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You could just say "I don't drink" and not provide any explanation at all. People won't judge you.
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Old 06-16-2018, 08:56 AM
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Star,

Most people are totally fine with me not drinking.

But, there are a few that try to treat me like an outcast or like I have a problem.

My family does that. They sort of hid the booze sometimes, snuck beers or shots, whispered to each other about my not drinking.

I chock it up to life. Haters are going to hate.

I live my life the way I choose. I try to please people, until I am done trying to please people.

When I had my 2 shots of booze over that last 3 years, part of the reason I really regretted it was because of SR.

If not for this site, I was a gonner.

SR held me accountable. I use SR to hold me accountable. What ever works.

Thanks.
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Old 06-16-2018, 09:12 AM
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You can say that you have stopped drinking for next 6 months and may continue after that. And you have put in 2 months into it already and don't want to ruin that. If they ask why 6 months. You can say it's part of health goal and spiritual peace ...

On the humor side - I would say if i start drinking...i will drink the whole bar and rest of the details you can see on the news ...
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Old 06-16-2018, 09:21 AM
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I think it's important to remember that you do not owe anyone an explanation as to whether you drink alcohol or not. If someone asks you point blank about it, that person is being rude. And, I think if you start off with a lie, the lies will need to continue.

I hope you can choose a non-alcoholic drink and do your networking.
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Old 06-16-2018, 09:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I think it's important to remember that you do not owe anyone an explanation as to whether you drink alcohol or not. If someone asks you point blank about it, that person is being rude. And, I think if you start off with a lie, the lies will need to continue.

I hope you can choose a non-alcoholic drink and do your networking.
I like Anna's advice better. It's honest and simple. I would go that route....Thanks Anna helps me too...
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Old 06-16-2018, 09:31 AM
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Star - everything you mentioned is something I was also totally worried about before I quit drinking. Like others have said, in reality it's not as big a deal as we make it in our minds and you absolutely don't owe anyone an explanation beyond "I'm not drinking."

I usually go with "I quit drinking" when people ask if I want alcohol, and leave it at that. I have a reputation as a huge beer drinker, so I've gotten some weird responses like "You're joking, right?" and "Why did you quit? Just for fun?" (Like yeah, being an alcoholic is super fun), but everyone has been supportive and no one has pressured me at all.

Since I like to stir up **** sometimes, I also like to say "I'm not drinking right now" and leave people to wonder if I'm pregnant. Hahaha .... (only works if you're female I guess.)
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Old 06-16-2018, 10:27 AM
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A polite, "no, thanks" and perhaps shift the convo to something y'all learned, spent time on or [ ] that day. Shift to other people - and leave with a reasonable amount of time contributed. I bet you're not the only one who "ducks out early" to call their wife or kids, or because they don't drink either, or because they have to be polite but are on their way to a better job at another co and don't want to reveal anything.....so many reasons.

And, going to the area with a water bottle in hand is a great tool - you can drink it and your hands are full.
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Old 06-16-2018, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by iwilltryagain View Post
You can say that you have stopped drinking for next 6 months and may continue after that. And you have put in 2 months into it already and don't want to ruin that. If they ask why 6 months. You can say it's part of health goal and spiritual peace ...

On the humor side - I would say if i start drinking...i will drink the whole bar and rest of the details you can see on the news ...
Haha I love that. I usually say to friends I’m allergic to alcohol, it makes me break out in handcuffs. (I’m aggressive when drunk hence why I can’t drink). Think I’m going to use your one. 😀
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Old 06-16-2018, 04:42 PM
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Originally Posted by iwilltryagain View Post
I like Anna's advice better. It's honest and simple. I would go that route....Thanks Anna helps me too...
Yes I think being honest would be better. Like u say otherwise I’ll end up in a tangled web of lies which I’ll have to remember and continue.
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Old 06-16-2018, 05:23 PM
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Say anything

You can say you are taking medication or just don't feel like a drink. I just had this situation in a bar fundraiser and I got a 7 up and nobody said a thing. Plus, if you get a 7 up and walk around with it nobody knows if it is a gin and tonic or what. But the upshot here is really nobody cares. That's been my experience. The only one wanting me to drink was me.
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