Hi again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 33
Hi again
I joined SR mid-last year and did my longest stretch ever, until I fell off around the 3 1/2 month mark. One nice August evening, a fancy restaurant, business dinner, well... Suddenly I was on Scotch #6. Then the usual story. I guess there was still some room in the Tanker...
Guzzled through the fall and most of winter, tried to moderate, without much success..
I had another stretch from Feb to March. One month. Fell off again. Same situation, as before. Fell prey to that glorified image I had in my mind since forever, where I seem to think I am the cool guy in the Scotch commercial..
That last fall however seemed a bit different. This time I thought a lot. About life, about my perspective of success, about this weakness I have.
Read a lot of posts.
Finally, I got back on in May. As of today I am sober for 25 days and also nicotine free for 21.
For some of us, when we fall off, I suppose it's difficult to post right away. One feels shame. Like a let down. So it was with me. But I read. and read and read. And it helped. Finally the courage to say hello again.
So, hello again.
P.S. Today was difficult. There was a resentment issue. And I had a moment when I actually imagined a fork in the road. Go left and immediate relief, after which terrible feelings of regret, self-pity, not to mention the physical effects of a hangover. Go right, and true simmering pain.
Well I chose the pain. Actually, I chose to work through the pain. And the way I did that was to remember all the posts I have been reading about resentment. It really is a terrible feeling. And resentment seems to foster more resentment. So I had a burger, a sprite and watched some World Cup Football, and suddenly all was a bit better. I felt the will not to let go. It somehow gripped me, that's how it feels, because this is the first time I was able to get through such a strong trigger. Thank God.
Let's see how it goes this time. I feel more prepared.
I wish all you good people happy days, sober days and resentment-free days. I hope I didn't ramble too much.
T.
Guzzled through the fall and most of winter, tried to moderate, without much success..
I had another stretch from Feb to March. One month. Fell off again. Same situation, as before. Fell prey to that glorified image I had in my mind since forever, where I seem to think I am the cool guy in the Scotch commercial..
That last fall however seemed a bit different. This time I thought a lot. About life, about my perspective of success, about this weakness I have.
Read a lot of posts.
Finally, I got back on in May. As of today I am sober for 25 days and also nicotine free for 21.
For some of us, when we fall off, I suppose it's difficult to post right away. One feels shame. Like a let down. So it was with me. But I read. and read and read. And it helped. Finally the courage to say hello again.
So, hello again.
P.S. Today was difficult. There was a resentment issue. And I had a moment when I actually imagined a fork in the road. Go left and immediate relief, after which terrible feelings of regret, self-pity, not to mention the physical effects of a hangover. Go right, and true simmering pain.
Well I chose the pain. Actually, I chose to work through the pain. And the way I did that was to remember all the posts I have been reading about resentment. It really is a terrible feeling. And resentment seems to foster more resentment. So I had a burger, a sprite and watched some World Cup Football, and suddenly all was a bit better. I felt the will not to let go. It somehow gripped me, that's how it feels, because this is the first time I was able to get through such a strong trigger. Thank God.
Let's see how it goes this time. I feel more prepared.
I wish all you good people happy days, sober days and resentment-free days. I hope I didn't ramble too much.
T.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Choosing to work through the pain is the way to go! Great decision and congratulations on 25 days sober. You do sound prepared to make this work, and I hope you continue to read and post.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 271
Scotch whiskey 🥃
All the different kinds all the single
Malts the peated ones the spyside ones. A really cool hoppy and so enjoyable?
Drinking whiskey 🥃 was enjoyable first few sipps but half a bottle in a few beers several cigarettes I would get awful terrible heartburn that I had to be physically sick to try to relieve. When I had no money for single malts had to shop in the bargain basement blended whiskey or even supermarket own brands.
The hangovers were much worse than just drinking beer and the loss of
Self control was even worse.
Why is alcohol so appealing even the the results are so awful?
Malts the peated ones the spyside ones. A really cool hoppy and so enjoyable?
Drinking whiskey 🥃 was enjoyable first few sipps but half a bottle in a few beers several cigarettes I would get awful terrible heartburn that I had to be physically sick to try to relieve. When I had no money for single malts had to shop in the bargain basement blended whiskey or even supermarket own brands.
The hangovers were much worse than just drinking beer and the loss of
Self control was even worse.
Why is alcohol so appealing even the the results are so awful?
You sound ready and determined.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 33
@ everyone: thank you for your replies and support. I appreciate the warm welcome.
@tekink:
1. I am working a lot on the resentment part. Whenever that inside voice starts talking to me, making up nice long speeches about what I would like to say back to those who grossly (!) wronged me and I get so wound up, tight like a wire rope, ready to spring, lash out, I stop. Then I say, "oooooh, shut up now". I make the "oooooh" long. Sometimes I use "shut the *** up". It helps. It makes me come down. I might have to be doing it again 5 minutes later, in which case, well, I do it again. Eventually, I find that it's just not that important anymore.
Doesn't mean that I exaggerate the feeling of pain or sadness I feel, when I feel wronged, unappreciated. Also doesn't mean that whatever the act was that made me feel this way is being exaggerated either. Sometimes someone truly wrongs you. Life is like that. Unfair. So, both of those can be quite real and justified. What is malleable is your reaction to the action and/or the feeling.
These days, I simply chose to acknowledge it and then simmer it down. Let it fall to the ground like an omelette from a Teflon pan. (Sorry for that metaphor, I know it's horrible)..
I accept it but try to humor it. I tell myself not to take things too seriously. It works, sort of. I have a feeling it will work better if I keep at it.
2. The other issue on the list these days is ego. The inflated kind that comes from a hard business life, the crowds that go with it. That in itself is an extension of a particular childhood. My sibling was mentally handicapped. My father told me a long time ago that "I had to make him happy two kids' worth". So I pushed and pushed. Good grades, good this, good that, etc. all the way and then the business life followed naturally and gloriously (!) after that. At a dear cost, though..
So these days, I avoid the feeding. The resentment issue goes hand in hand with the ego. If you are able to control or chip away at one, the other benefits as well. So I stopped going to those "business affairs". I stay away from "businessmen conversations" that have basically 2-3 topics anyway (all of which seem to boil down to "whose ... is bigger/better/more expensive/rarer/cooler")..
I am 50 now. I think I gave my father what he asked for.
Instead, I walk a lot, bike a lot, read a lot, watch TV a lot, hike a lot, hangout here a lot (everyday). I try to do be a good person. Not talk too much. Push away feelings of resentment, ego, anger, sadness or keep them at bay. Actively..
Sometime, when I am ready, I think I can help others. Not yet, though.
Well you asked, and I tried to answer. Again, I hope I didn't ramble too much.
T.
@tekink:
1. I am working a lot on the resentment part. Whenever that inside voice starts talking to me, making up nice long speeches about what I would like to say back to those who grossly (!) wronged me and I get so wound up, tight like a wire rope, ready to spring, lash out, I stop. Then I say, "oooooh, shut up now". I make the "oooooh" long. Sometimes I use "shut the *** up". It helps. It makes me come down. I might have to be doing it again 5 minutes later, in which case, well, I do it again. Eventually, I find that it's just not that important anymore.
Doesn't mean that I exaggerate the feeling of pain or sadness I feel, when I feel wronged, unappreciated. Also doesn't mean that whatever the act was that made me feel this way is being exaggerated either. Sometimes someone truly wrongs you. Life is like that. Unfair. So, both of those can be quite real and justified. What is malleable is your reaction to the action and/or the feeling.
These days, I simply chose to acknowledge it and then simmer it down. Let it fall to the ground like an omelette from a Teflon pan. (Sorry for that metaphor, I know it's horrible)..
I accept it but try to humor it. I tell myself not to take things too seriously. It works, sort of. I have a feeling it will work better if I keep at it.
2. The other issue on the list these days is ego. The inflated kind that comes from a hard business life, the crowds that go with it. That in itself is an extension of a particular childhood. My sibling was mentally handicapped. My father told me a long time ago that "I had to make him happy two kids' worth". So I pushed and pushed. Good grades, good this, good that, etc. all the way and then the business life followed naturally and gloriously (!) after that. At a dear cost, though..
So these days, I avoid the feeding. The resentment issue goes hand in hand with the ego. If you are able to control or chip away at one, the other benefits as well. So I stopped going to those "business affairs". I stay away from "businessmen conversations" that have basically 2-3 topics anyway (all of which seem to boil down to "whose ... is bigger/better/more expensive/rarer/cooler")..
I am 50 now. I think I gave my father what he asked for.
Instead, I walk a lot, bike a lot, read a lot, watch TV a lot, hike a lot, hangout here a lot (everyday). I try to do be a good person. Not talk too much. Push away feelings of resentment, ego, anger, sadness or keep them at bay. Actively..
Sometime, when I am ready, I think I can help others. Not yet, though.
Well you asked, and I tried to answer. Again, I hope I didn't ramble too much.
T.
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