Horn95

Really bad cravings today. I fought one off just within the last hour or so. Anxiety is always the killer and almost always is what causes the vicious cycle to repeat itself. Pretty bad right now.

My hands are a little shaky. Nausea comes and goes.

I was so wanting to go to a bar and have a couple of drinks to calm myself down. But, instead I am at a Starbucks having some herbal hot tea.

Sweats (nothing major) come and go, I think it’s mostly due to anxiety.

I keep thinking to myself, why did I do this? I hate alcohol. I truly do. Just need to make it through the day.

january161992

wow sounds like the thought, choice and action of a person choosing to stay sober



it gets easier

Horn95

Thanks!

J50

The insanity is that it is the alcohol that creates what you're feeling, and our thought process is to drink more alcohol to get rid of it. The cycle can be tough and uncomfortable to break, but if you don't that insanity will never end.

lessgravity

You know what to do Horn. You've been here before.

Buck up, push through - the days get easier as you get some behind you.

Glad to see you're back. Stick the f around.

thomas11

Horn, I hope you can get a grip on this thing. I've followed your posts for quite some time now. Frankly, it sounds miserable.

ScottFromWI

Glad you came here and had the starbucks instead Horn.

How about this for an idea: Instead of waiting for the "cravings" to show up, why not make a plan for the day so they don't really even have time to get in your head? I mean literally - take out a piece of paper and start out with whatever time you wake up. Put something in every single hour of the day - and make sure at least some of the things you write down are related to your recovery. It doesn't have to be fancy - you can write down things like "take a shower and shave" or "go to a recovery meeting" or "clean out my bedroom" or "spend an hour on SR reading/posting".

I found it a lot easier to make it through those times of temptation by keeping very busy, especially early on. And it seems that some of your relapses have been in situations where you were not prepared or did not have a plan. If writing it on paper doesn't work, do it in the calendar on your phone or your computer.

DontRemember

It's definately insanity. Feel like crap again from drinking? Get to the bar asap and have some drinks! Kinda like getting punched in the face...hurts like hell and sucks! wait.. I know; Let me do that again please and I'll pay someone to punch me in the face.

Midwest1981

the tea should help! keep pushing through it will get better.

tekink

It's hard for a while, you just have to keep your head down and push through. It's a lot better once you make it to the other side. Resetting the clock never helps and you lose the mileage already gained!

Forward12

Have you been seeing a therapist or have another recovery plan in place? If not, a therapist would be very helpful for the anxiety and alcohol issues.
AA is also a great option, they have all the free coffee you can drink!

CreativeThinker

Exercise was really helpful for me when I first started my journey. I tried to schedule my workouts at the time I knew I would be craving most. After a good sweat, I wasn't thinking about drinking. Also, don't forget HALT!

Dee74

Scott makes a good point. White knuckling leaves you tired and tired people can make errors of judgement.

What else are you doing for your recovery besides SR Horn ?

D.

Hats

Hi Horn, glad to see you keep coming back here every time you get knocked down. The white knuckling it isn't very fun, been there and can relate to the anxiety and the vicious cycle that's sure to come. I hope you can find some kind of recovery plan that works for you. Thoughts & prayers are with you pal.
Message me anytime you wanna chat

BDTL

Sounds like ya need to gird up those loins and decide once and for all you are done with alcohol. You have to be in it to win it and bailing on your sobriety won't get er done. I hope you can ride the tide and hang tough.

lessgravity

Lots of support and advice here Horn. So what's the deal?

Horn95

Thanks all. I do have a plan. My sponsor and I have not been able to hook up for a while, and we’re meeting today. I’ll talk with him about where I went wrong.

Btw, having a decent morning. Anxiety and paranoia are the killers though.

StrengthNme

So happy today is better for you!

Ladysadie

I found my anxiety was worse before it got better after quitting drinking. Marijuana is legal in my state, and while I am not a big fan of the drug (I didn't vote for the measure to pass it) I have tried the CBD droplets (the kind without the THC) and had a very nice calming for me. They are expensive, I don't use it but seldom. Might give it a try?

As a side note, I see that veterinarians have CBD non THC for use in dogs and now horses.

Horn95

Thanks Sadie.

I am going to go natural for a while. My anxiety always gets better over time. But the mood swings are killer.

But, I appreciate the suggestion. If I did it, where would I get it?