Joycernbw

I'm brand new here. My sister is a65 yr. old alcoholic. She didn't start drinking until her 40s after she had gastric bypass surgery.
She's been to rehab twice. I've done everything I can think of to help her which was probably the wrong thing to do.
Last year I got her into a lovely low cost studio apartment in a senior citizen building. I just got the phone call that she is drunk, walking around in a diaper, and her apartment is full of urine and feces. Mind you I cleaned the apartment 7 days ago. It was spotless.
My question is as her only living relative am I responsible to find her a new place to live?(she will be evicted).
Can I just walk away as she obviously doesn't want my help? Do I have to keep cleaning the mess? What are the legal ramifications if I do nothing?
Thanks in advance for any help.

least

Welcome to the family. I'm sorry for what brings you here. Is there a senior citizen advocacy group where you live? A department on Aging? What she's doing poses a danger to herself and maybe others.

It seems obvious she doesn't want help. I would make a report to the local department on Aging. It's a sad fact that sometimes you can't do anything to help them. I hope it works out well for your sister.

I would also suggest getting support for yourself. Find an AlAnon meeting and go. We also have a friends and family of alcoholics forum you may find helpful.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

Eddiebuckle

Assuming your sister is mentally competent, it seems to me that continuing to shelter her from the consequences of her choices is in neither of your best interests. How you go about that is not easy, but a very good starting place is Alanon, as suggested above.

Lizajane

Sorry for your situation. I could not help but wonder if your sister is having other issues as well. People do strange things when they drink, but an apartment full of feces and urine might suggest she has dementia at some level? Her doctor needs to know what is going on.

Maudcat

Hi, Joyce.
Welcome.
Breathe.
What do you want to do?
Sadly, it is very difficult to place an alcohol addicted person anywhere.
Sounds like she had a great place that she has blown.
Maybe it’s time to let her drop into God’s hands.
You have done what you could.
Peace.

MariahGayle

I am sorry Joyce for what you & your sister are going through. You cannot be responsible for someone not willing to help themselves. Good idea to let Senior Service & her Doctor know. Be kind to yourself.

Berrybean

Sorry for what brings you here. I've heard this before re transference of addictions when a food addict has surgery that means their food addiction it halted but there is no recovery work to support the removal of that crutch. https://www.obesityaction.org/commun...atric-surgery/

However, urine and faeces all over the apartment (not confined to clothing and bed mostly) might indicate other issues as well. Has she had psychological assessments?

What does your sister say when you talk to her about it? Is it that she can't see a problem and is determined to continue to drink? Or is it that she wants to change but is hopeless about how to do so? If it's the latter then perhaps you could reassure her that it is possible for her to tackle it with help, if she's willing to work on her recovery.

But no, you're not responsible for her. As others have suggested, AlAnon is a good place to get support and work on those boundaries so you can get on with living your life happily, despite what your sister chooses for herself. And the friends and family forum here is amazing.

BB

tomsteve

if your name is on the lease, that could make you responsible for any damages to the apartment and maybe even more. you may want to talk with management of the senior building .

Joycernbw

Thank you all for your responses. My sister still denies she is drinking so trying to get her into rehab is impossible. As far as the urine and feces she has done this ever since she started drinking. She was never a functioning alcoholic. She is always passed out drunk on the floor and incontinent when drunk.
My name is not on the lease so I guess I will just wait and see what happens. Her lease is very adamant about the fact that they won't tolerate her behavior. It was the nicest place she could have ever hoped to be for $200 a month!!

january161992

sorry for your problem

wow what a loving caring person you are

be good to yourself!

Radix

Very sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult situation.

Forward12

Are you her caretaker? If not, unfortunately there might not be much you can do.
Alanon would be a great place to start though.

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation and I'm sure it's distressing and frustrating. It's good that your name is not on the lease.

As support for you, you might check out AlAnon in your city.

Joycernbw

Again thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. I am definitely going to find an alanon group. I guess the hardest thing is walking away.. If she had a relapse of cancer I wouldn't walk away. That is why I feel so guilty.

tomsteve

understandable, however alcoholism and cancer are 2 completely different diseases.
cancer didnt cause me to do and say insane things. it didnt cause me to end up in jail, get fired from jobs, crash cars, push people out of my life, hurt people with my words........
alcoholism did.

biminiblue

Well, and alcoholism is treatable by abstinence. At its core it's a behavioral issue, not an incurable random physiological process. Cancer is something that happens to her, alcoholism is something she did to herself.

djlook

Reading our posts just breaks my heart. I know. I've been there with many relatives of mine. I would do for them, not do for them; be sympathetic to them, then be angry with them. Although I'm a recovered alcoholic, I started attending many, many Al-Anon meetings and it helped me immensely. I will pray for you and your family.