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Old 06-14-2018, 01:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
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What kind of Mother would do this?


Hello....I think this may be my first post. Been hanging around in the chat room on and off. A little about myself. I started drinking around 11 to 12 years old. I have always been a weekend binge drinker. Saw it as partying...drank whatever I could. I was a teen mom...finished high school and college. Started drinking vodka to cut back on calories. Met my now husband and we continued to drink on weekends as the norm....but he never had a problem. We moved in together and my drinking got worse. So bad I sought therapy...my Mom took me to an AA meeting....then I finally did it...got a DUI. All while my son was watching what a mess I had become. I got sober about 5 months and got pregnant back to back where I now have 4 beautiful children. I thought I was cured and could control my drinking so I began drinking again....just to be a mess again. Binge drinking into Monday because im so hung over....I can't continue to do this. I can't do this again to my children like I did my oldest one. I can't keep breaking my husbands heart. My 4 year old told me I broke something and I don't even recall. Its like the devil takes over. I'm so ashamed...and scared to even ask my family amd friends for help....because how can I have failed again? What kind of Mother would get drunk over and over again putting their children in danger? 3 days sober for me....this has to be for the rest of my life!!!!

Last edited by Newme2018; 06-14-2018 at 01:28 PM. Reason: Typos
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Old 06-14-2018, 01:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to the posting side of SR, NewMe2018. Well done on 3 sober days.

Alcoholism is a terrible disease. I believe that there isn’t a human being alive that hasn’t done something that they deeply regret.

Sobriety and recovery provides a process for us to find a healthy place for those regrets - solidly in our past. Forgiving ourselves is part of that process.

I hope that the support, understanding and encouragement that you will find here helps you find sobriety, recovery and self-forgiveness.
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Old 06-14-2018, 01:36 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry. Rough stuff. For many of us parents, it's so painful to think about the pain and confusion we cause our kids.

But you can use that pain you feel and leverage it to find a way to stop for good, for them.

Welcome to SR.
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Old 06-14-2018, 01:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Excellent job on the three days!

Alcoholism overrides love or reason.

Stick around here. Make a plan for what you’re going to do when you’re tempted to drink.

I suggest getting rid of all the alcohol in your house.

Avoid drinking activities. Take different paths and avoid places where you used to buy booze.

Post here whenever you’re tempted to drink—it’s important to get the support and reinforcement before you put the glass to your lips.

If you hole off by yourself and try to reason with yourself, you’re almost certainly to drink; but if you expose the temptation to air, then it can evaporate.

It really works!
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Old 06-14-2018, 01:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family. My girls were teens when I started drinking and I cringe to think what I put them thru.

I got sober for good 8 and a half years ago and have 'mended all my fences'. We now get along well and they trust me again.

Develop a plan to stay sober and implement it. Come here if you have the urge to drink so we can talk you out of it.
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Old 06-14-2018, 01:56 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by SoberLeigh View Post
Welcome to the posting side of SR, NewMe2018. Well done on 3 sober days.

Alcoholism is a terrible disease. I believe that there isnít a human being alive that hasnít done something that they deeply regret.

Sobriety and recovery provides a process for us to find a healthy place for those regrets - solidly in our past. Forgiving ourselves is part of that process.

I hope that the support, understanding and encouragement that you will find here helps you find sobriety, recovery and self-forgiveness.
Thank you Soberleigh! I know it will take time to forgive myself....right now its too fresh...since my last binge. I can barely look at my babies or hubby in the eyes. My hubby will barely speak to me....with all reason. I don't know how he has put up with so many years of my BS....I want with all of my being to be the best wife and mother I can be! I hope he sticks around...for my new sobriety of course! Thanks for listening!
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Old 06-14-2018, 01:58 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry. Rough stuff. For many of us parents, it's so painful to think about the pain and confusion we cause our kids.

But you can use that pain you feel and leverage it to find a way to stop for good, for them.

Welcome to SR.
Thank you lessgravity! If not for myself....God for them!
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Old 06-14-2018, 01:59 PM   #8 (permalink)
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3 days sober is a great start!

I know how the shame and guilt can overwhelm, especially for us mothers. But, if you allow that to take hold, it can lead you back to the drinking cycle. Try to believe that you can change and be the person and the mother you want to be.
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Old 06-14-2018, 02:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Excellent job on the three days!

Alcoholism overrides love or reason.

Stick around here. Make a plan for what youíre going to do when youíre tempted to drink.

I suggest getting rid of all the alcohol in your house.

Avoid drinking activities. Take different paths and avoid places where you used to buy booze.

Post here whenever youíre tempted to drinkóitís important to get the support and reinforcement before you put the glass to your lips.

If you hole off by yourself and try to reason with yourself, youíre almost certainly to drink; but if you expose the temptation to air, then it can evaporate.

It really works!
Thank you Gilmore....I've never tried posting here before the temptation...ill try that!
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Old 06-14-2018, 02:04 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome to the family. My girls were teens when I started drinking and I cringe to think what I put them thru.

I got sober for good 8 and a half years ago and have 'mended all my fences'. We now get along well and they trust me again.

Develop a plan to stay sober and implement it. Come here if you have the urge to drink so we can talk you out of it.
That's wonderful least! Hope it will be the case for me my children and husband to be able to trust me again! That plan....I gotta work on that! Have none at the moment...not sure how to start one.
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Old 06-14-2018, 02:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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3 days sober is a great start!

I know how the shame and guilt can overwhelm, especially for us mothers. But, if you allow that to take hold, it can lead you back to the drinking cycle. Try to believe that you can change and be the person and the mother you want to be.
Thanks Anna! Instead of putting my energy into my next drink....I plan on putting my energy into rebuilding myself! I was the happiest when I was pregnant and sober....I felt great about myself! I messed that up...but looking to get there again!
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Old 06-14-2018, 02:37 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Newmw2018

Welcome! Today is a new day. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. Reach out to someone and ask for help.

There are three paths. Locked up, sobered up, or covered up. Alcohol took my former wife/mother to two kids. It's a serious addiction and takes a serious decision with action to overcome.

How bad do you want it? What are you willing to do for it?

Praying for you and your family.

AG
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Old 06-14-2018, 02:53 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Newmw2018

Welcome! Today is a new day. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. Reach out to someone and ask for help.

There are three paths. Locked up, sobered up, or covered up. Alcohol took my former wife/mother to two kids. It's a serious addiction and takes a serious decision with action to overcome.

How bad do you want it? What are you willing to do for it?

Praying for you and your family.

AG
I'm very sorry for your loss Alwaysgrowing. My condolences to you and your family.

I'm not sure who to reach out to...again!
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Old 06-14-2018, 03:07 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Old 06-14-2018, 03:08 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Here's info about various recovery programs.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)
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Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley
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Old 06-14-2018, 04:41 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Hello, Newme2018

I am also the mother of two beautiful sons. As a practicing alcoholic, alcohol was my first love - above my husband, my sons, my career, my family. Anything that got in the way of my drinking had to go. I was having a love affair with alcohol. In sobriety, I've made amends to all of the people I harmed. I hurt them in every imaginable way possible; mentally, emotionally, and financially. They suffered worse than me because they didn't have a bottle to crawl into. I got sober through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I attended lots of meetings, read the Big Book, got a sponsor, worked the steps, and by the grace of God I no longer am obsessed with a bottle. I have found a design for living that really works.
Good luck to you.
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