Lipstuck

I had almost two full weeks in May and loved every moment, but then slipped over Memorial Day and haven't gotten back on track.
I'm 9 months postpartum, working full time and with a side singing gig. My life is a race to work or a race to daycare, watching an active baby on the weekends (husband works on weekends) and tops an hour or two in the evening to do housework before bed and it starting all over again. I know that years ago I became a heavy drinker due to stress, depression and a horrible job situation. Now my mentality is way better, but my body craves alcohol to help me deal with hormones, exhaustion, zero wind down time, etc. I don't drink nearly what I did (it's horrible to think about those days) but I definitely drink too much and stopping has become the most difficult thing. I appreciate the support of everyone on this board and although I wish none of you had to deal with this awfulness, it's good to not be alone on a long, steep road.
I just dread the evening hours, you know? So hard to wind down without alcohol, so hard to deal with the disappointment when I do. And so hard to deal with the regret that I created this problem for myself with my carelessness.
Whine whine. 🙄

doggonecarl

Hard to wind down without alcohol, but not impossible. Particularly hard had when we mistake winding down with calming frayed nerves that are screaming for alcohol. That's what drinking does. Getting rid of the screaming nerves and the voice in our head that tells us to drink is what sobriety does.

Radix

I'll second that. I thought I would never make it past Day 1 because it I thought it was impossible to wind down without alcohol. It turns out, it's not impossible. Just hard.

What helped you before when you had extended sobriety?

What helped me was reminding myself that the feeling of discomfort that I got when deciding not to give in to a crave is nowhere near as bad as the shame and hangover the next day. That, and lots of sparking water... I didn't quit drinking, I just switched to non-alcoholic sparking water instead of beer.

Best of luck.

Lipstuck

Thanks, guys. I totally agree. Every moment sober is better. Early sobriety does make for some fidgety nights, but if I can get through those...
Agreed about the sparkling water (La Croix by the case!).
I have noticed that hormones play a part in how well not drinking goes for me. Mine are still all over the place. But I am trying. And trying.
I am rereading my Allen Carr book (which really helped before), BUT he is very firm about you not reading it while drinking and my only real reading time right now is bed time (after I've had a few). Mom is visiting this weekend, so I'll be able to hand off the bubs to her and maybe get a few more chapters in and remind myself of the tools that helped before.

january161992

im grateful to know that its the 1st drink that gets us drunk not the 10th

we cant get drunk without that 1st drink

God bless Lipstuck

StrengthNme

I felt the same way! I have 3 kids and work full time and I felt like I needed my wine in the evening to relax. Now I work out instead and have taken up running. I guess I should edit to add that I can't leave my house to run because of my kids and I don't have a treadmill, so I literally run in place in my basement! It has REALLY helped!!! You've got this

comtnman740

Hi Lipstuck,
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I know that in my experience alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. I had to throw all of my available energy at recovery. If I put anything above alcohol I lose it and everything else. I know it can’t be easy being a new mother but I know there is a lot of support here and I hope you can find it.

Nonsensical

Only when you don't know how.
Once I learned how, it became very easy to wind down without alcohol. Not to mention less necessary, as I don't get wound up nearly as often.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!