MidnightBlue. Reloading
 

Hi, guys.

I am 5 years 8 months sober.

And I am going through a major life crisis.

The kind of crisis when nothing is outrageously wrong in particular (at least compared to my past issues), but everything feels wrong at the same time.

There is no extremely acute pain, but there is too much of accumulated simmering pain I've been doing my best to pretend doesn't exist.

There are many things to unlearn and let go.

And there is definitely time for change.

I have a lot to say about this, just have put my thoughts together.

And just in case if I go MIA for a week or so - I am ok.

I am just reloading.

100% support, MB! :headbang:

Thank you, Gilmer!

Midnight Blue, have you been through AA. I just read a very nice “Daily Reflection.” Seems timely for you:

https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily-reflection
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Behind you all the way MB, take care xx

I'm sending you strength and encouragement, MidnightBlue. I've been where you are at many times in my life. Reinvent myself, strip away what no longer works for me, evolve, grow, go down a different path. Sometimes you just have to take a step backward in order to move forward. But I think you will get to where you want to be.

Hi, Horn.

Thank you for the link.

No, I haven't been through AA, neither I see the necessity of doing the steps.

AA is just one option among many others to stay sober and I don't see it as a prerequisite to getting a "quality" sobriety.

I am also a proud atheist.

Just in case)

It's time for a change.

I've overgrown the old me and panicking to venture into uncertainty.

"Panic is good. It means you are growing".

And it's natural that it's scary and challenging.

SR is the place where I've grown in my recovery and "met" a lot of friends and kindred spirits.

And that is why I feel like sharing this stage of my life with this community.

Thank you, Manta and Stella!

From one Taurus to another....I try and tell myself sometimes to stick my horns out and push forward. Congrats on your 5yr 8mo! Such an inspiration....thanks for your continued support and guidance. Happy reloading! :D

https://s22.postimg.cc/xo8gppocx/Zod..._Purple-02.png

From one Midnight to another..

Take care and be well!

Go Midnight! Reloading and letting go, is an exciting, transformative and rejuvenating time. :grouphug:

Here for you, MidnightBlue, always.

You have some fabulous sober time there! It is good that you are recognizing the crisis and tackling it head on. Kudos!

Reload, rejuvenate, renew. Remember, we're here. Heck, redecorate.

Since we're doing, "As one to another,"

As one blue to another:



This song reminds me of slow dancing. With boys. At parties I wasn't supposed to be at.

Thank you, friends.

What a treat to read your messages when back from a great boxing workout)

I am back to my training regimen.

The first phase of reloading has begun - checking the body basics.

Sleep, nutrition, exercising.

Every time I start neglecting any of these, it backfires.

Sleep is the hardest to get back on track because it's the least "tamable".

Thank you for the support!

Not to be trite but,

You. Go. Girl.

Thank you, Trach.

It's weird. Yesterday when I got back to my workouts after the business trip, my new trainer greeted me as if I was her old friend, because we somehow "connected".

For those who don't know me so well, my new boxing/ kickboxing trainer is a multiple national champion, European champion and world kickboxing champion.

So, some part of me is not intimidated by a world-class athlete. I don't feel inadequate or fundamentally flawed. I feel like a person who needs to work on her skills. And who is willing to put work and efforts to get better.

At the same time, there is a huge part of me which is intimidated by pretty much everything in everyday life.

It doesn't make sense to me. And it drives me crazy.

MidnightBlue, you are FANTASTIC, rootin for ya. :egypt:

Thank you, Neferka.

Always great to see you:tyou

I highly suggest - if you haven't already - that while you are reloading you search YouTube or some other resource and look into what Nietzche has to say about finding & re-defining value after rejecting religion.

It's an important question for us atheists. It sounds to me like you are exhibiting symptoms of struggling a bit to find meaning and value in things? It's a chronic problem these days that largely goes un-talked about...

Hope you are well, and thank you for your kind words. Feel free to PM me if you'd like more direct info about what I'm describing... if you think it would be interesting or helpful.

-B