MidnightBlue

Thank you, Soberleigh.

My debt issues started 3 years ago. First I struggled to straight the situation out but then realized it was a losing game.

So two years ago I hired lawyers and started my battle. Got my share of harassment from banks. It didn't help with my anxiety at all.

No statute of limitations yet.

Lizajane

That's better! Sorry first time I tried to post failed. Alcohol encourages me to do this! Problems just grow and grow and makes me want to did my head in deeper.

MidnightBlue

Cool picture, LizaJane.

As part of my reloading I am starting a 30 day no-complaining challenge.

To be clear what is complaining I will borrow the definition from Tim Ferris (and, actually, the idea itself is borrowed from him):

describing an event or person negatively without indicating next steps to fix the problem.

I understand the importance to vent and take the bothering problems off my chest, but it can be addictive. And too much of it can blur my vision of what I have to do to achieve my goals and stagnate the progress.

I also like Echart Tolle approach: "Either change the situation, remove yourself from the situation, or accept the situation. Anything else is insanity".

And though I am still in progress of defining "accept" in a way which relates to me instead of triggering defense mechanism because I see "accept" as "put your hand down and be ok with all the s*** life throws at you", the entire message makes sense.

Reminder: Since not everyone has enough time to read the entire thread I kindly request to avoid any discussion related to aa/12 steps, high power and religion on this thread. Not interested

So, what's my first complain?

MidnightBlue

Ok, I am quite anxious of posting the first complain which come to my mind because it puts me right on the spot where I have to tell myself stories why I can't do certain things and involves a lot of discomfort.

So, right of the bat:

- I am bored (almost out of my mind)
- My apartment is a mess (and I have no idea where to start)
- My financial situation is unstable (my first reaction was to say that my finances is a mess too, but it is in better shape than my apartment)
- I put on weight since I got back from business trip and struggle big time to get back to my regular nutrition and training routine because I seem to lose a major chunk of my motivation).

I think that's enough for now.

Gilmer

(((((mb)))))

MidnightBlue

Thank you, Gilmer.

I've just listened to the latest episode of one of my favorite podcast and got me much needed "no nonsense approach".

Alert: the guy doesn't hesitate to use f*** word. I warned you.

A little backstory about the guy: in his early twenties he got stabbed in the face and in the neck and almost died. For about a year his face was swollen like a melon and his was ashamed to be in public and adjust to this new reality altogether. Understandingly he went through times of severe depression and suicidal thoughts.

Fast forward almost 20 years later he still has scars on his face, but he's built a successful company and quite a bada**s overall.

https://andyfrisella.com/blogs/mfceo...sella-mfceo242


He really resonates with me.

I know when I start justifying some activity to make myself feel better I am mostly BSing myself.

Ok, to to move to the dentist appointment.

Gilmer

Hope they can fix things for cheap, MB!

MidnightBlue

Thanks, Gilmer.

Not for cheap for sure, but, at least, that it won't destroy my budget)

MidnightBlue

So, I am back from the dentist.

Bad news: my tooth is in such a bad condition that it took my dentist a while to decide whether it's possible to save it and is it worth it.

Good news: he finally decided to give it a shot and save my tooth.

Bad news: it will cost me a small fortune.

Good news: I have my emergency fund.

Bad news: another two teeth need treatment.

Good news: they can wait till the major issues is sorted out.

Am I happy about this situation?

Of course, not.

Is it bad luck?

Not exactly.

I should have taken care about his earlier. I had some symptoms that hinted me it wont' hurt to see a dentist.

But I chose to hope it will go away somehow.

Hope is a bad strategy and I know it.

Am I going to beat myself up?

No.

It is just high time to stop making the same mistake over and over again.

Bonus: While I was writing a book on my way to the dentist I found a great definition of Acceptance which makes sense to me:

"Put aside what you think should be happening, look clearly at what is unfolding, and intentionally choose how you want to move through the experience to uphold what's most important to you".

SoberLeigh

Your lawyers have likely already told you this but, when and if the statute of limitations expires, the debt collectors may try to reopen/restart it by sending you a letter which states that you owe them MORE than the true amount of the debt. The debt collectors are hoping that the debtor will respond by saying that the amount is wrong and by re-stating the original amount. In many places (not sure about Australia), a statement of admission by the debtor of the original debt reopens/restarts a new period of statute of limitations.

SoberLeigh

Those dental costs are horrendous. Some of my husband’s teeth are worth thousands, one which needed an implant (after the root canal failed) was close to $5,000 after all was said and done.

Really glad that the dentist is trying to save the tooth and that the other ones can wait.

This difficult time is going to pass and become history.

Hang with us. We are here for you.

MidnightBlue

Thank you, Leigh.


I take all my debt-related correspondence straight to the lawyers.

And the lawyers told me that if debt collectors show up to tell them if the don't go the hell away I will call the police.

MidnightBlue

Thank you again, Leigh.

My dentist started working on my root canals today.

At least I have a temporary filling now and can chew some food)

Lizajane

Hello Midnight!
Dentist bills, what a bummer. Sorry about that. Often medical services offer payment plans if you need them. You have your head out of the sand now and things will get better as you deal with items you let add up over time. There are good things you can see now too, don't forget that!
Bored? Leaves you lots of space to make changes. My home was a MESS when the summer started and I did not know where to start so I just made daily goals of certain areas. Tackling the whole thing was WAY too much. Each day I dedicated a certain amount of time to sorting the congestion out. I am a master of pushing and shoving stuff I don't want to deal with in drawers, corners, shelves etc. The cleaner it got, the longer I wanted to work on this task, My home is no longer an embarrassment. Unexpected visitors not a worry. I FEELS great.

MidnightBlue

Thank you, Lizajane.

I agree with cleaning apartment one area at a time. I dedicated ten minutes today to paperwork. Baby steps.

MidnightBlue

Morning, all.

I've slept in, shamelessly lounging (I am on vacations this week), and overdoing in coffee.

When I woke up and feel little big sluggish my first reaction was to justify "It it because of yesterday's anaesthesia which gave me a headache".

But honestly I just stayed up late watching the World Cup. And too much of computer time before going to bed always messes up with the quality of my sleep.

Now here's the question: considering the World Cup doesn't end until July 15, what am I going to do about that?

MythOfSisyphus

I hope you're well, MidnightBlue! I can appreciate where you're at as it's something I've grappled with as well. Now I've been sober for about that same amount of time (will be six years in October) and a lot has changed. My life is vastly better than it was! But on some level the "chickens came home to roost" and some things I ignored while I was drinking came to the fore. The most important thing I have to stress is that I find them all manageable now that I'm sober! I too need to have some dental work done to repair the neglect from my drinking years and I'm whittling down my debts as time goes on. Luckily they're not too terrible.

A friend mine once said that if money can fix something it's not a problem, it's an expense. It took me a while to truly understand that in my bones. Nearing fifty years old I'll never be rich, but I'm okay. I don't really stress all that much over money. True, we all need money to live. But in my life I've been through some pretty bad episodes where I was literally getting gas money from the couch cushions! I learned that I will survive! Maybe not always in high style and grand splendor, but I'll be okay.

I need to take care of my health- that's a lot more important than money. Look at Steve Jobs! He was worth billions but still died young of cancer. So far I don't have any big serious issues but I need to get a gym when I get to my new hometown and get back to a healthy lifestyle of lifting and hiking!

Keep your eyes on the prize! You've kicked alcohol which is a bigger badder demon than anything you'll face with collectors and lawyers! Those things are expenses, annoyances, but not really "problems".

As the saying goes, don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff!

MidnightBlue

Thank you a lot for taking time to write such a thoughtful post, Myth!

And thank you for the reminder that my health is important.

Now, I am getting my rear into gear and going to gym to do the thing I hate most - treadmill.

Rar

And I believe that any payment (even minimal payment) also restarts the statute of limitations, in addition to acknowledging the debt.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Rar.

Thank you for stopping by.

I've got a strict order from my lawyers not to pay anything other than court-ordered.